HIS Young Mate: "Sequel to Her Young Mate"

Part Forty Five: Lost Like Me

"Yes ma'am." She says with a nod. I look at her again. "Yes ma'am!" She says more strongly. I look at Beckett and he smiles a bit, before looking at Kaylee.

"Yeah Kay, I'm pretty sure you can take 'a wolf the size of a tank'."

"Shut up!" She throws a pillow at him, and he laughs as he catches it.

"Don't worry," Beckett puts the pillow behind his head, "he seems to want Lavender. I swear if the gods gave you three mates and I didn't get to be one of them..."

"It's not that Beckett." I say uncomfortably. It isn't, I could tell when I looked at the rogue it wasn't. It was a concern of mine, of course given my history, but it just wasn't the case.

"Do you think... do you think you getting close to turning called for him? If it did do you think there'll be more?"

I look at Beckett as I feel sick to my stomach. I know it's true the instant Kaylee says it, but I don't want it to be. He looks sick too. "Don't say that Kaylee, and don't mention it to anyone. That'll get Lavender exiled- even if she's Alpha's sister." Beckett has sat up and is looking at her in an almost threatening way. I know for sure now, that he'd protect me no matter what- but I wouldn't ever want him to do anything to Kaylee.

"Look, it's going to be okay. I'll take care of him myself. Tonight. Let's get some food, and rest, and prepare for then." I tell them, trying to seem as dismissive of the whole thing as I can.

"Hunter knows too-"

"Then you tell him to keep his fucking mouth shut." Beckett warns Kaylee, cutting her off. "Lavender is our Beta, not some rogue herder- so you just tell him to-"

"Beckett stop!" I say as I stand up and put my hands on his chest. He's jumped up and I feel like I have to block him from Kaylee. He looks down at me and grabs my hands and holds them to his chest.

"I said I'd protect you. Durst told me to protect you, and I will. I can't help who I'm protecting you from."

"Kaylee isn't going to get me hurt, Beckett."

"I'm going to go be with the others..." Kaylee says cautiously as she stands up
"If you-"

"Kaylee, he's not going to- you're not going to say anything are you?" I stop Beckett and look at her again.

"Of course I'm not Lavender. I'm hurt either of you would think I would. I just need to get away from both of you." She says this hastily and leaves the room. I turn back towards Beckett and he's looking down at my hands. I remove them quickly, but I can't take my eyes off of his. Suddenly he's grabbing my face and kissing me, and at first I'm in such shock that I sort of let it happen, sort of kiss back.

I push him so hard away from me that I hear part of my bed frame snap. "What are you doing?! I'm married Beckett! You idiot!" I say hastily. He just chuckles, as he shakes his head.

"Like Durst didn't think I'd kiss you if he left you with me-"

"I didn't want you to- you asshat! Who cares what Durst thought."

"Yeah right, Lavender- you can't look at me like that and say you don't feel anything." He stands up again, and gets close, and my heart races. Our eyes are locked for what feels like a long moment, but probably isn't. I feel anger rising in my chest at his contempt.

"It's called consent- douchebag!" I push him again, infuriated at his chuckle at my offense, and leave the room. Of all the people who've ever made me feel trapped I never thought Beckett would do the same.

"Lavender!" Beckett calls after me, I stop and turn to him, the hall is quiet, but my heart is pounding in my ears and I don't know what more he could possibly say to me. "Look, I'm sorry. I- I had to try one more time..."

"You really didn't Beckett." I demand.

"Well- I just thought- if you were going to..." he quiets his voice, "if you were going rogue I would follow you." His voice is shaky, and his eyes are darting all over my face to find some sort of acceptance- acceptance that I don't have.

"I'm not going rogue Beckett- if I were I wouldn't take you with me- you belong to the pack. You're going to find your mate, and we're going to need you- all of us. Stop doing this to me!" I'm mad, and I want to punch him, but I also feel so bad that he seems so lost. Lost like me.

"I have found my mate Lavender." he says flatly and leans against the wall, tapping his head against it, his eyes closed. Not the reaction most of us have to such an occasion, but I can't say I don't understand the feeling. Im shocked, though.

"How long ago?"

"That day I tackled you and called you Callahan for the first time. That same day." He says flatly. He won't look at me, and my stomach turns. That felt like forever ago. "And it ain't you. I just keep wishing it was." He looks at me and there's that lost look again.

"I told you it wouldn't be. I told you- for me it's always been Durst. It'll always be Durst."

"Don't I know that! I know it..." he sighs and rubs his face. 

"Then who?" I say flatly. He shakes his head.

"It doesn't matter. I just needed you to know- I would leave with you if you wanted. I see now that it won't happen. That rogue will be dead tonight, and you aren't running. I'm glad Callahan. If it ain't you, I'm just glad you're happy." His ears perk up and he looks down the hall. "Durst is back early. You better go to him." He says, and goes back to his room, and locks the door behind him. I want to inquire more- push him for answers, but I don't have time. Durst is coming down the hall.

"I thought I told Beckett to stay with you-"

"He heard you coming, and I hardly need him watching me." I say as I start walking away, and Durst follows. He steps in front of me, but I can't look up at him like he wants me to. I start feeling trapped again and I'm starting to get warm, and disoriented. "Hey- what happened?" Durst asks as he grabs my face lovingly and starts to check for any visible marks or tells on my face. I push him off. "I'm fine." I say quickly. I look him in the face and try to play off anything that's bothering me. "Did he touch you-"

"Yes. He kissed me, but I told him to stop and pushed him away. I don't think in the grand scheme of things that's pertinent to whats going on." I tell him. He looks mad, but there's something more reserved than ever about his reaction.

"That little twerp." Is all he says as he grabs my hand and leads me down the hall. Danny is waiting in the living room, so is Frea, Owen, and the Luna. They see us and Daniel nods to tell us to head upstairs and we follow, into the infirmary. When Frea opens the double doors I freeze as the cold air from the room hits my warm skin.