HIS Young Mate: "Sequel to Her Young Mate"

Part Forty Three: Fog

"We can't keep communicating like this." Durst says as he kisses my shoulder. I can tell he's trying to be his lighthearted self, but that there's a lot on his mind.

"I don't like words."

That's not entirely true. The truth is that I don't want to talk about the things I'm sure he's thinking about. I want to pretend that we don't need to talk about those things. I want those talking points to disappear so we can go back to the way things were for that very brief moment that we got to be happy. I want to focus on the pack, my friends, I have other priorities.

"I know you don't."

"So don't make me use them." I pull the blanket up to my chin and pretend I'm trying to sleep. I know it's hypocritical, because our original fight was due to me not being able to shut it. I'm still figuring out how to navigate all of this, and I feel like he should give me time. He's had so much time to figure himself out. I've had virtually none.

"Lavender..."

I stand up and start to put my clothes on.

"Come on, don't do this..." he says as I throw my sweater on. It muffles his voice, but I hear him. I can't keep ignoring him, but I want to. He was a real prick yesterday- and so was I- and I don't know how to mend us. I want to, but I don't know how. I grab a pair of socks from my drawer and sit down on the bed to put them on. "Please come here," he says as he sits up, and I comply, and lean into his arms as he engulfs me in a hug. "Look, take off if you want. That's okay- I'm not bothered by it- alright?" I nod, as I put my face in his chest, trying not to cry, because that will just piss me off. "Let's wipe the slate clean of all that bullshit yesterday. The stuff we have to talk about can't be messed up by all of that shit. This is when we forgive each other. So we can focus on what does matter. When you're ready to talk about the rest I'll be here. I'll always be here for you. So run if you want. I know you'll come back and I'll be waiting, okay?"

I nod, and then sit up. I can't look him in the eyes, but I do kiss his forehead. I'm gone without either of us saying another word.

I really want to go to my bed. I've hardly slept in it, but it seems like a safe enough space- except Kaylee may be there. I don't want to see her. I don't want to see anyone. I enter the hall hesitantly. It doesn't seem like anyone is in the kitchen or living spaces, but I can never be too certain. I walk quietly and check that the coast is clear. Everyone is still asleep. I go to the kitchen and grab some food, throw it in a bag. I grab a blanket from the couch, and a pillow, and head outside. I really just want some peace and quiet to myself. I head to a set of chairs by the bonfire ring and sit in one and cozy up, eat a bunch because I'm starving, pull my knees to my chest and pull the blanket up to my nose and hunker down. It's cold, but we run hot so I don't mind all too much, but it's my lack of energy that's bothering me. I want to go for a run, but I've hardly slept the last few days. I watch the fog that creeps across the field and start to think of the last few days.

The rogue we chased earlier is on my mind. I thought we'd find him, maybe more, and something in me ached to fight him. It was worse in so many ways that he had taken his own life. Could we have saved him somehow? There have been times where rogues have changed. How sad and lonely it must be to go rogue. It felt like such a strong and powerful calling, but it obviously had its down sides. The biggest being that you have no true pack, or family. I would never willingly choose that. I don't think I would. Sometimes... though... when I'm all alone with my thoughts, and I think about all of the horrible shit I've been through... it sounds nice to be that wild, and I can't deny that. Even now, thinking of any possible questions or sympathetic looks I'll have to endure from the others- if they're like Danny's- being utterly alone for once in my life sounds appealing. Staring into the fog a feeling of unease creeps over me, the answers I want aren't out there. It feels like something else is, though.