HIS Young Mate: "Sequel to Her Young Mate"

Part Forty: Then When

"Durst you have to talk to me." I say as I follow him into his room. After practice- which he avoided me at- I had waited for him outside his room, only to be ignored as he opened his door. I closed it behind me as I watched him begin to take his watch off at his dresser in preparation for a shower I'm sure.

"What do you want me to say?" He asks shortly as he takes off his necklace.

"I don't know- but you can't ignore me-"

"You ignored me, Lavender. I'm processing one of the biggest changes in my life, and you're not giving me time or space to do it." He says this calmly, firmly, and with so much more maturity than I possess that I'm not able to find words to say back. I don't know how to respond, because I'm just not capable of figuring it out without putting my foot in my mouth. I have to say something, though, because I feel so much. He's used to having time to figure stuff out, and I'm just not. I'm feeling emotions building, ebbing and flowing, and crashing.

I'm proud and elated to be in a higher rank. I'm angry with him for being mad at me for taking that leap. I'm upset that he won't be happy with me. I don't want him to have time alone- I want to be with him, wether it's rejoicing or fighting.

If he wants to wallow in his self pity over it- to shut me out...

I won't let him.

"What is there to process Durst!" I say firmly. "You said you'd do anything for me- and all you needed to do was step up, and you did!" I'm getting loud, yelling, but I just need to get my point across.

He just needs to listen.

"Sometimes staying where you belong is better than trying to always prove yourself-"

"Where I belong is where I am now. It's where you belong! Even Daniel said that-"

"It wasn't your call to make!" He shouts as he turns to me, causing me to flinch. He instantly has a look of regret wash over him, and I know he didn't intend to yell.

I yelled first, and he's just matching my anger.

I know I'm pushing him. Nonetheless his counter reaction causes a spark of rage to ignite inside of me.

"Who says it wasn't! You would have never made the call yourself- you would have let me remain angry and frustrated in the position that you decided was best for us. Us. Not just you, we're mates- I have to be happy too-"

"That's the problem! You're never happy with anyone, or anything- you've never let me feel like I'm enough! You've been punishing me for making you feel that way by putting me through it!" His voice is loud, riddled with hurt and frustration. It was a low blow bringing up how waiting to be together made me feel. I'm not trying to punish him for that at all.
I don't like that he's making it about that. Has he been feeling this way for a long time? If so why hasn't he talked to me about it?

"I was happy as a Delta! I trusted Owen with my life- I trusted Frea! You haven't been through what we've been through! I've killed for them- they've killed for me! We've done it to protect you again and again, and you decided for the rest of us that it wasn't enough!"

"You think I don't know that Durst?! I spent years of my life locked up by a mate that abused me- I was a child- I will always be eternally grateful for all of you! I wouldn't be able to just forget that. I would have given anything to fight along side you then!"

"You didn't have to- that's what I'm telling you! You don't always have to prove yourself! Let people take care of you! Accept help! Accept that you can't always be pushing and pushing! You can just be happy! I didn't want to rank up, I just wanted to be with you, and love you, and for things to stay the way they were, and you don't-!"