A COLD WINTER NIGHT

Chapter 34 - Met You Before

FOUR YEARS AGO...

Clara's POV

Now I'm used to cold winter's back home, but here... in this frosty, beautiful snow-covered city, it's cold. Like, brutally cold, but should I really expect anything less? I mean, it's Sweden. Stockholm, Sweden. Aren't winter sports like taught here at birth?

"God, I hate winter," I mutter beneath my steamy breath. As I walk beside a dark glass building to my right, I stare, gazing upon my reflection. My exhausted, lost, lonely expression.

"Oh, don't be such a wimp," mom teases. I bite my lip, smiling when she turns back, waiting for me to catch up to her. Holding an arm out, she wraps hers around me, as I wrap mine around her. We walk together, down the cleared, salted sidewalk, both blowing steam out of our mouths, trying to see who can make an O. "You know, I personally love this weather and you want to know why?" she asks. I look to her.

"Why mom?"

"Because it makes me feel alive."

"Well, that's because you are alive," I tease. Mom rolls her eyes.

"No duh," she replies. With us sharing in light laughter, dad and Danny look back, both smiling as they wait for us up ahead.

"What has you two laughing?" dad wonders.

"Oh, you know. Just mom and daughter stuff," she responds.

"Come on! You two are so slow," Danny insults.

"No, you're just impatient as always," I pop back. Danny huffs, shaking his head. Mom and I catch up with them, mom now walking beside dad while my brother and I walk behind them. Watching mom and dad, I observe their cute little loving moment. As mom hugs dad, he wraps an arm around the thick coat of her waist, holding her close into his side. Leaning in to kiss her temple, I smile. For as long as they've been together, their love clearly has never faded. I see the way they gaze into each other's eyes. I see the way they whisper, smiling and giggling like two teens falling in love for the first time. I've watched them since I was a kid, taking notice of what it means to be truly in love. Dad loves mom, irrevocably, just as mom loves him maybe even more. As if that is possible.

To be honest, I've always admired my parent's love. Maybe that's because deep down, there's always been a part of me that's longed for it. You know the saying, "you can't miss what you've never had?" Well, in a way. I do. I do miss it. I miss not knowing a love of my own. If that even makes sense... I just— I miss something and not knowing exactly what it is... it makes me miss it even more.

"You two are cute," I compliment.

"Don't worry baby girl," dad says. "I'm sure love is right around the corner for you too."

"Right. Like I would even have time to date during my residency," I reply.

"Well, you got two weeks off before you have to go back, so start looking!" she teases. "By the way, since when did you become so negative? You're supposed to be the positive one in the family."

"Maybe I just haven't found a reason to feel positive," I state. Truth is, it's hard to feel positive these days. With the constant pounding in my chest and anxiety that seems to strike at the most random of times, it's been hard to relax. It's been hard to sleep. Hard to breathe. Especially after waking from the reoccurring nightmares. The ones with the big, scary black monster.

"Are your dreams and nightmares still keeping you up at night?" Danny asks me.

"Yeah. Every night." Danny is the only one I've talked about my reoccurring dreams with. He's known about them since we were teenagers. That's when they began.