A COLD WINTER NIGHT

Chapter 30 - It Was Real To Me

Daniel's POV

Relieved does not even cover the way I feel in this very moment. In fact, I don't think I feel at all. Shock, my mind wants to think. Denial. Disassociation. I have been kept isolated and withheld from human interaction for so long and now that I am in the presence of humans, I do not know how to act. I do not know how to feel. Maybe this is another dream. A dream where I pray that I do not wake up from for I fear that if I do, I will wake back up in that dark, cold cell. Please don't be a dream. I pinch my thigh, and nothing happens. I do not wake because I already am awake. This is real. This is real...

I sit in silence, gazing around at everyone in the vehicle, with this distant illusion, as if I am watching them from afar. Charlie sits up front with the driver, staring ahead, into the darkness of the blizzard that falls thickly. To my left, sits Edvin. He stares out his window, caught in deep thought about something that worries him. Not something. Someone. Clara. My sweet sister. I'm worried for her too, but I know that if she is with Adam, then he will protect her. I know he will. He loves her. He loves her more than anything. Loves. I suddenly think of her. Sarah. I think of Sarah. In fact, I've never stopped thinking of her. Not once did I ever stop replaying our short but beautiful time together. Those sweet moments are one of the things that kept me going. They kept me alive.

I turn to dad who like the other two, stares out his side window.

"Dad," I say. His head turns and he gives me a little smile.

"Hmm?" he answers.

"Did Sarah ever look for me?" I wonder. Dad's eyes then widen, just as Charlie swings around his seat, looking back at us.

"Um," dad nervously responds. "Danny... how much did you know about her?" he asks.

"What do you mean?" I ask. Dad looks behind me, at Edvin. His eyes then return to me.

"She was not who you thought she was," he states.

"Yeah. No shit. She was a lying, manipulative, cheating bitch but that doesn't mean that I ever stopped loving her. I'm just curious, did she look for me? Did you tell her that you were coming to save me?" I ask. Dad swallows back a big gulp before his mouth opens to reply.

"Danny... I am so sorry to have to tell you this but Sarah... she... she wasn't a good person. She lied to you. She lied to us all. She worked for Gustaf. She only married you to get close to the family so that she could spy on Adam," he explains.

"What?" I mutter. "No. She loved me. She didn't use me like that. Yeah, our marriage ended in flames but in the beginning, we were in love. She loved me. It was real. I know it was," I state, remembering all the beautiful moments we had together before it ended in nothing but destruction.

"Believe what you want, Daniel but she never loved you because had she truly loved you, she would have never gotten your mother killed," he says, and I freeze, growing cold and faint. Gotten my mother killed. What...

"Danny?" dad softly calls, but I can't speak. I can't move. My eyes water, clouding my vision. My head shakes, refusing to believe what he just said.

"Sarah was many things, but she wouldn't do— she couldn't have been capable of—Why?" my quiet voice speaks. "Why would she—"

"That I never got around to ask," he mentions.

"That's because papa blew a hole in her head before I consumed her dark soul," Charlie mentions. My head turns slowly towards him. Charlie smiles behind closed lips and I should hate him. I should hate them both for what they have done, but the truth is, I can't hate them, because I can't feel. I have been through so much pain already, that I have nothing left to give. I am numb. I am empty. I am broken. Broken and fucking shattered beyond repair.