The Gray Dancer

45. REVISTS

AFTER TALKING TO DERRICK, YESTERDAY, HANNA'S HEART FELT LIGHTER. She felt a bit freer, as if chains didn't wrap around her, pulling her to the ground. She could move now, taking a few steps to get through the journey called life. At least now, she could manage to get through her days, even though they had no joy in them.

Hanna proceeded with her Sunday morning as she always would, doing absolutely nothing. She did basic things to make sure she could continue with the day, like eating breakfast and making sure she was semi-presentable before plopping onto the couch, letting time tick past her having nothing better to do.

Hanna wasted her morning like she would any other weekend, letting the hours pass by as she did nothing but stare at the blank walls that filled her quiet apartment. The silence inside her apartment resonated quieter than the city's loudness. Being with Derrick for so long, Hanna had forgotten what silence felt like. He had always made sure to talk, filling up the atmosphere with his voice even if no one else chose to speak.

It made staying in her apartment far less bearable than anywhere else.

Her thoughts could grow in her mind, making noise for her instead of relishing in her quiet apartment. Hanna swallowed hard, having no way to deal with her thoughts besides enduring their taunts. She couldn't shut out the voice inside her head like before. As Derrick left her, so did the strength within her to stop her thoughts from wreaking havoc.

Hanna made her way to the studio the way she usually would if Derrick was waiting for her. She walked through the streets, ignoring the bustling city around her as her thoughts confined her to her own world. It didn't seem like she was in San Francisco at all when her thoughts ridiculed her.

Her head sank, her gaze falling to the floor with her frown.

Why was life only cruel to her?

Hanna's brow furrowed, shaking her head to get the bitter thoughts to stop, but it seemed that no matter what she did, they didn't stop teasing and tormenting her. It appeared that Hanna was the perfect target for her thoughts to make fun of.

As she tried to hide herself in the comfort of her couch, laying down on the soft cushions, Hanna's gaze settled onto the keys that she left on the wooden table. It amazed her how almost a year ago, the dance studio's card rested on the same desk.

Hanna had sworn not to go to the dance studio then. She never wanted to dance again, not after the things her parents said. They had made her believe she couldn't dance.

"You won't succeed, Hanna." They'd say, no filter with their harsh words, "Not with all those mistakes you won't."

But Derrick's belief in her was all it took for her to restart dancing. He had taught her that dancing meant more than a few mistakes. Everybody would overlook a mistake if the dance showed emotion and poise.

He had taught her that a mistake wouldn't be the end of the world.

Hanna found it hard to believe, though, especially after he left her. The mistake she made that day did happen to be the end of her world. She didn't know how she could continue to live in a reality with Derrick.

Sometimes she'd wonder if she even needed to live in a reality like this, but then she'd remember Derrick's words. He would've wanted her to keep going, even if he wasn't by her side. His words got her this far. She'd try to believe in him for as long as she could.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad visiting the dance studio after all?

Her shy stare danced back to the golden keys just a few inches away from her as she wondered whether she should go to the dance studio or not.