The Gray Dancer

41. NIGHTMARES

A FEW DAYS PASSED SINCE DERRICK HAD LEFT HANNA. Still, Hanna couldn't get the events of that day out of her head. She couldn't stop thinking of every word she had said. Maybe if she had been faster with her words, he'd still be here today. Maybe if she had made sure Derrick had stepped off the ledge before they began to talk, everything would have been normal.

Why was life so cruel to her? Why did it have to end up this way?

Even despite knowing Derrick had left her to join the constellations and the stars. She didn't want to believe it. Hanna couldn't bring herself to accept reality no matter how many days passed. She never would be able to accept that Derrick had really passed away. He had just been with her yesterday. They were just talking, enjoying their time together. They practiced their dances together over the week.

Derrick was right there.

He was right next to Hanna for the last few months. He never left her side during all that time. So then, why would he leave her side now?

It just didn't seem real.

No matter what way Hanna thought of it. Derrick couldn't be gone. He wouldn't have left her just like that, not after all those promises they made. Hanna pressed her lips hard, her eyebrows falling as she thought of memories and moments of the time they spent together. She recollected all those days they shared.

One day they were practicing dances into the late night, and the next, he was gone. He had joined the stars, but Hanna couldn't believe it.

Derrick was just talking to her yesterday. They were smiling together, but now he's gone?

Why would he leave her now, after spending all that time together?

It didn't make sense to her, and it never would. Hanna only wanted to continue to keep dreaming, to keep imagining that he was there for her. They'd see each other soon, and everything would return to the way it was. Hanna knew she'd see him again.

Or at least she hoped to see him again.

Hanna knew at the same time he had left her. He had broken their promise.

She couldn't help but be devastated. The smile on her lips had long faded, never to return again thinking of Derrick leaving her. She hadn't gone to the dance studio, either, unable to dance without him. It just didn't feel the same anymore. Nothing about her life felt real anymore. It was only now that Hanna realized her home was Derrick.

Home was never a place for her; it was the people.

Hanna's days faded into a black and white blur, without the color in her life—Derrick. Each day seemed to never pass, dragging on forever. No matter what she did, Hanna couldn't move on with the nightmare she lived in.

Hanna stayed rooted to her couch, her gaze as dull as ever. She didn't even know how long it had been since she went to work. She didn't once leave the comfort of the couch, even though it didn't embrace her anymore.

Nothing could heal her broken heart now.

It was broken beyond repair.

Hanna's gaze settled on the table next to the sofa, noticing a card on it—one she had placed on the brown tabletop. Hanna's nose crinkled, her eyes wincing to see the card. It didn't seem like just a while ago, a different card had rested there. Just a while ago, Derrick had handed her a card to the dance studio. Hanna remembered that moment vividly, once swearing that she'd never dance again. She didn't want to enter the studio then.

But now, that tiny dance studio meant so much more than just a building. She had spent almost all of the best moments in her life there.

Hanna couldn't imagine it, seeing how far they had come. The days they had spent turned into months, but now he was gone in the blink of an eye?