The Gray Dancer

22. DINNER ADVENTURES

HANNA DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. She stood, staring at Derrick, eagle-eyed with a slight frown. Why would someone offer her dinner after she failed? She didn't even deserve a "good job," let alone being treated to dinner. Hanna hitched a sigh, unable to say anything.

Even if she opened her mouth to speak, no words would come out. She couldn't say anything as the mistake she had made a couple minutes ago continued to reply like a broken tape recorder. Hanna pressed her lips together, her nose wrinkling as the piercing memory resurfaced yet again.

She couldn't help but be disappointed in herself. She had poured in so many hours, staying back in the dance studio even after work, dancing until the night fell to perfect her parts as best as she could. But why was it never enough? Why could Hanna never do anything as well as others?

What did she lack that others had?

She didn't know why she continued to fail like always. It appeared that she could never learn. Hanna could only disappoint people as she always did, and she'd continue to disappoint all her friends, just like her family. They'd even leave her one day too.

Would Derrick really stay with someone as pathetic as her?

She brought him down with her. Hanna hung her head down low, watching the green grass sway before her, enjoying its life far more than Hanna enjoyed hers. It lived peacefully, swaying with the breezes, having no other things to do. The grass had no worth to prove as it rocked back and forth; it only needed to make sure it covered the dirt in a vast green blanket.

Hanna shook her head and turned towards the stage behind her.

"Oh, Hanna." It seemed to snicker at her, "Did you really think you'd be able to dance perfectly?"

It appeared to laugh at Hanna, mocking her mistakes. Each time Hanna made her way to the stage, ready to show the audience all she had, she messed up. Every time Hanna wanted to share a story she'd been aching to share, it wouldn't go perfect.

She had to mess up and call attention to the faults she tried to bury under her skin. After each mistake, Hanna made more. She would mess up again and again. Nothing from then on would go right, and she would've exposed the vulnerable side of her she tried to keep hidden.

As her thoughts filled her mind again, Hanna ruminated about all the bad things that have happened before. She forgot what Derrick had asked her. It completely slipped her mind when her thoughts rambled about Hanna's failures.

Derrick blinked twice, unsure if Hanna had heard him. He tilted his head to the side for a second, his brow creasing as he glanced at her.

"Hanna?" Derrick called her name out, "If you don't want to, it's fine."

Hanna's head jolted from her stare into nowhere. Derrick's deep voice had brought Hanna back to reality. A daze of perplexion washed across her face, staring at Derrick with blank eyes.

Despite her stomach rumbling, Hanna didn't know if she really deserved to go. Did she really deserve to go with a dancer like Derrick? After making such a grave mistake like that? Hanna brought more shame to the craft than good.

Derrick tried to reassure Hanna, not pushing her much to get dinner with him, "It's not going to be too fancy or anything. We can grab some fast food and go to a small park or something."

Hanna bit her lip—hard. Hard enough for a slight metallic taste to touch her tongue. She didn't know what to say. No matter how hard she tried to think, her mind seemed to be at war with the many different opposing options. She couldn't decide.

Derrick waited for a minute, then another. He appeared to notice Hanna's hesitation and her delay in a reaction. Derrick sent her a light smile, nodding his head at her.