Heartbreaker ~ Larry Stylinson {English}

74. There's just something about schooltrips...

~ Pov Louis ~ 

My gaze is on the window when the psychologist enters. The first snowflakes of December are fluttering down. "Louis?" I look at Marie as she sits back in her big red chair in front of me. "Tell me, how have the past few weeks been for you?" I sigh and lower my eyes to my fingers that twist nervously around each other. 

"Hard." 

"Can you tell me more about that?" I shrug. 

"I miss Kjell. It still hurts to think of him." 

"That's normal, Louis. It only happened a little over a month ago." I nod.

"How is your father? Will you tell me about that?" I nod and smile a little. 

"He's doing well. He still has his monthly visit to the hospital, but for now there's no sign that the cancer will return. He also has a steady job now that allows him to get out of that small apartment of his. He's looking for a small house, so I'm very proud of him. My mother too. I'm glad they still get along well. And both are there for me, despite their divorce."

She crosses her legs. "And your friends? Are they there for you?" I nod my head so hard I almost get a concussion. 

"Yes, absolutely and I'm really grateful to them for that. We spend as much time as possible together and they make me laugh and try to clear my mind when things go wrong." 

"And Harry? Is he in your group of friends too?" I smile. 

"He belongs to a different group of friends, but if you try to ask if he's there for me, the answer is yes. I've had a lot of support from him, still. After all, he was one of the few who knew Kjell too ."

"Do you talk about him?" 

"Sometimes. When we need it. It helps to have someone who has lost the same person and knows the pain." She gives me a piercing look, as if she's hesitating to ask a particular question. 

"Has your view of him changed since a few months ago?" I raise my eyebrows at that question and think about it for a moment.

"A lot of unexpected things have happened since then. I never really thought about how I felt about it. All the circumstances made it easier to let him back into my life, which I find scary."

"Why is that scary?" 

"Because it was unexpected, I wasn't prepared and so I didn't think about the consequences it could have. I haven't been able to completely close last year's chapter and a new one is already opening. It's like I don't know where to start and I'm afraid this chapter will have the same ending as the previous one. For that I'm afraid I'm going too fast without thinking."

Marie makes a few notes in her little brown book before she looks at me. "Do you regret letting him back so soon?" I shake my head. 

"No. I need him, but that's hard to admit. I don't want to be so vulnerable to him anymore because I'm scared, but on the other hand, it feels safe to do that. It's like I know he will never hurt me as much as last year. I just didn't expect to let him back in so fast, that I would ever let  him in again, but circumstances have accelerated that process. Which is a good thing, because I don't think I could do this without having him by my side."

"Remember the night you told me about? That night you were alone and Harry was there for you?" I nod. 

"You mean the night we kissed?" She nods. 

"That's the one I'm talking about, yes. Do you regret that?" I frown. 

"What do you mean?" 

"If I hear what you're saying correctly, your bond is purely friendly for the time being. That one night it went a step further. Do you regret that that happened? Or do you just want to build up your bond to go a little further? Is that something you're ready for?"

I look back outside. The snow has almost stopped. "I'm not sorry," I tell her. "I have feelings for him. A lot of them. I didn't want to let him in so quickly, but it happened. I can't help wanting more from him than just a kiss. I want to be with him, but I don't think that I'm ready for that. I don't know." Marie smiles. 

"It's good that you're exploring things, do everything at your pace, Louis. And if there's something, talk. Communication is important, with whoever." I nod and look at the clock. It's almost time. She notices it too.

"Your exams are over. Did you succeed?" I nod. 

"The school wanted to give a postponement, but I didn't want that. It went reasonably well." 

"Are you going to do something fun now that it's almost vacation?" 

"Yes. We're going to Paris with our class in a few days." 

"A school trip? Paris in winter? Sounds romantic," she says with a look I'd better ignore. I chuckle a little. 

"Yes, indeed it is." 

"When do you leave?" 

"Friday night, so we can be there in the morning the next day." 

"Sounds nice. Back in my day, school trips were always the moment when a lot of people from my class started a relationship." I smile and think back to Amsterdam last year.

"Yes. There's something special about school trips..."

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Oehhh.... Next part starts their journey to Paris... Hehehehe be ready, some of my fav parts are comming :)

What do you think will happen?