Heartbreaker ~ Larry Stylinson {English}

57. Goodbye.

Song for this chapter:

WILDES - Circles

~ Pov Louis ~ 

"Are you sure I shouldn't give you a ride home?" Kjell asks when he opens the door for me. I shake my head.

"The fresh air will do me good. I'll walk, but thanks."

"Okay, but don't complain afterwards that you have blisters on your feet." 

"Bye Kjell!," ​​I laugh as I walk out of the front yard.

"Bye Louis."

It's still early in the morning when I'm strolling through the streets. It's quite chilly for the end of September, because so much time has already passed. A month, and I feel like nothing happened, like I can't remember anything. Maybe that's because of all the drinking and the occasional drugs. I even have to think about how long it has been since I saw Niall and Liam, talked to them. Yes, I see them at school, but that's it. It's not like it used to be. Nothing is.

I stop at a big house and sigh. My eyes slide over the second window on the first floor. The room is pitch dark, but I still know exactly what it looks like on the inside. I remember every detail. Gently grasping my lower lip between my teeth, I lower myself doubtfully onto the curb. For the past month I have often sat here, staring at his window, hoping he would see me, but he never noticed that I was ever here.

And even if he did come out and saw me sitting on this curb, I wouldn't know what to say. I don't even know why I'm here, what I expect from him. Do I want him to send me away? Or do I want him to invite me in? Do I want to go up to him and blame him for things he's heard before? Or do I want to draw him to myself and kiss him violently on his lips?

Am I disgusted with him or do I long for him?

Maybe both.

Flashback to August 13 ~

My fists thump on the wooden door. "Harry!" My voice is hoarse from the cigarettes. I knock a little harder. "Harry, open up!" No answer. I take out my fist to bang on the door one last time, but just then it opens and I almost hit Harry in the face. "Sorry," I chuckle.

My eyes roll over his body. He's only wearing a pair of shorts, probably because of this terrible heat wave that can still be felt late at night. I reach out and run my fingers over his stomach. I smile.

"Louis?"

"Hm?"

"Did you drink?" I look up as my fingers grip the edge of his shorts.

"A little." I pull it towards me so that it's only inches away from me. "You left," I tell him. "Why? Why did you leave me at that party?"

Harry sighs and stares at the floor. He removes my hands from his body and sits on the steps of his porch.

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did." He rolls his eyes. I sit next to him. "You can ask me anything, but not before you answer my question first." He stares straight ahead. "Why did you stop and leave?" He shakes his head.

"I don't know. I was scared."

"Scared of what?" He looks at me.

"Of you." I frown. "I'm scared to look at you, to speak to you, to hold you, to kiss you..."

"Why?"

"Because I don't think I'm ever going to be able to stop."

"Is that bad then?" He smiles briefly.

"Yes. After all that happened last year, I can't let myself hurt you again. I know you're mad at me, Louis. I can see the hatred in your eyes."

"There's a lot more to it than just hate, Harry."

"I know. But I can't see through that. Not now. You haven't forgiven me yet and neither have I."

I stare straight ahead, the sun is almost down. "What was your question?" I can feel his gaze resting on me.

"Why are you doing this?" I look at him.

"What am I doing?" He points to us.

"This. A few weeks ago I wasn't even allowed to come near you and now that I'm getting away from you, giving the space you wanted, you are the one who kisses me and comes to see me. Why?"

"Because I needed time!!The things you have done, you don't just forget them in one day!"

Harry gets up. "And obviously you're still not over it, so why are you here, Louis?" I also get up.

"Because I realize I need you. I can't live without you. I want you, just you and no one else." I put my hands on his neck and bring him closer. "And I know you want me too." His eyes are on my lips. I close my eyes and kiss him gently. I feel his face tighten. He pushes me away.

"Stop," he says. I shake my head in disappointment.

"What's your problem? I forgive you! I want you back! What's the fucking problem?"

"You! You are the problem!" I take a step back. "You don't forgive me at all, Louis! You can't, not now. You're drunk and if you need alcohol to come to me, that says enough. You might want me, but you're not ready."

I shake my head when he wants to go inside. "No. No! This isn't me, this is you! You don't want my forgiveness because you don't want me! It was all a lie and a game to you and it still is now! If you don't want me just say so! Scream in my face that I mean nothing to you!"

He sighs and rubs his face with his hands. He stands in front of me, but doesn't touch me. "Come to me. Come to me when you aren't drunk or high, when you are yourself again."

"I can't be myself anymore, you took that away from me." He looks away, tries to ignore my sentence.

"Come back when you're sober, when you've got everything sorted out. Then when you say you forgive me I know you're ready for me and I'll be ready for you."

~ End of August 13 flashback ~

I haven't had any alcohol, but I don't have everything sorted out yet. He has asked me for the impossible and I hate him for that. I won't be ready for this, I don't think I ever will be. Special way to get rid of someone.

I shake my head and get up. What am I doing here? If I know I don't mean anything to him, why do I keep coming back?

Maybe it's time, time to leave this place and never return. It's time to forget about him and leave him behind.

I look up at his window. A light is on and a shadow is looking down on me. I know it's him and I smile.

Goodbye Harry, I wish you the best.

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The End.

Just kidding! 

The story isn't over yet, so keep on reading x