Heartbreaker ~ Larry Stylinson {English}

25. It's complicated.

~ Pov Louis ~

My lips still tingle when I walk home. It's freezing outside as we are in the middle of December but my body doesn't seem to respond to that. It's probably the adrenaline that keeps me from feeling it.

"Hey!" I glance at Jason who, as always, sits on the wall connecting our houses. I leisurely walk towards him until I'm in front of him. "What are you doing out here? It's freezing!" He smiles at me. "I can say the same about you. You don't even have a coat on, Louis. You're freezing but you don't even notice it." I shrug my shoulders.

"Would you like to come in?" He asks while pointing to his house. I open my mouth to say something but then I change my mind. I first glance at the window where my father has often been standing lately. But when I see he isn't even home, I nod with a smile. "I would love to."

Jason jumps off the wall with ease and walks inside with me behind him. He immediately walks up the stairs and I follow him. I look at him when he opens a door that is most likely his room. He walks in with a smile and looks at me with spread arms. "Welcome to my room!"

I chuckle for a moment and look around with concentration. The walls are painted dark blue, but all the light that comes in through the small window makes it look a lot more bright. There are also several posters of artists that I've never seen before. His bed is against the wall, opposite his neat desk.

I nod. "Nice room." My gaze falls on some of the photos hanging on his wall. And there is one that strikes me in particular. It's a picture of a girl kissing Jason on the cheek. His dark blond hair is tousled and his eyes shine. "Is that your girlfriend?" "Yes." I nod and sit on his bed doubtfully. "I mean she was." "Why? Is it over between you guys?" He nods and sits down next to me with his back to the wall.

"Why? Did she cheat on you? Did you cheat on her? Did the love run out? Or no! One of the two got feelings for another!" Jason shakes his head, laughing. "You have too much imagination!" I turn my body towards him so I can see him better. "But no. Nobody had feelings for anyone else, nobody cheated. We still like each other." I frown. "Then why aren't you together anymore?" "Because I moved away. We're so far apart now... And we both knew that a long-distance relationship would only destroy everything, so we decided to close it at a good time."

"She looks nice. What's her name?" "Lisa." I smile. "So, what about you and your love life? Do you have a boyfriend?" At that question I let myself fall backwards with a groan so that I lie on my back. I hear Jason laugh out loud and feel him lie on his side next to me so that he is half above me. "A difficult question to answer?"

I nod. "It's complicated. But no. I don't have a boyfriend." "But you do have feelings for a boy?" I look at him with wide eyes and immediately shake my head. "No!" I clear my throat. "I mean, no. I don't feelings for anyone." Jason frowns for a moment. "That doesn't sound like it..."

I sigh and turn my head towards him. "Like I said, it's complicated. Plus, if I tell you, you're not going to want to hang out with me anymore." He gently bites his lip. "Try me." His voice is as soft as a whisper. My eyes scan his entire face. His light brown skin, his dark blond hair that falls before his green eyes and his full pink lips.

I clear my throat for a moment and return my gaze to the ceiling. "I uh... Someone is teaching me stuff." "For what? Maths?" I chuckle. "If only it were. No, I mean... He teaches me about- He's teaching me how to do certain things." "I'm not following you..." "I'm quite inexperienced in... sex," I whisper the last word and feel my cheeks start to glow. I hear Jason chuckle and I look at him.

"You mean he teaches you how to have sex and all that kind of stuff?" I nod and he bursts out laughing which makes me even more ashamed. "Why are you laughing?" "Because it's ridiculous! I thought those things only happened in movies and books." "Apparently not..." Jason stops laughing and looks at me seriously. "Louis... Why are you doing that? It's not necessary, is it?" I shrug my shoulders. "I don't know... It just feels safer to be prepared."

"Be prepared for what?" I turn my head back to him and look at him. His eyes somehow put me at ease, as if I could tell him anything. "In case I meet the one, my soulmate. Then I already know everything, then the relationship can be perfect." "Louis, just because you know how to sleep with someone doesn't mean that the relationship will be perfect. None of them are. And besides, you wouldn't want to have those first special moments with this right person? Isn't that what you should give him?"

I bite my lip. "I think I'm just afraid that when the time comes that I won't feel comfortable with that person because everything is new." "If you don't feel comfortable it means that that person is not the right one." "Perhaps..."

"Who teaches you anyway?" I smile weakly. "A boy. Harry. He uh... He used to be my best friend." "Used to be?" "Yes. We've grown apart. He's changed. Drugs, alcohol, smoking, tattoos, piercings, wrong friends... Our friendship didn't stand a chance against it. I started to get annoyed with him and he with me. And we jumped from irritation to hate." "And from hate to sex?" Jason grins. "Something like that, yes." "Why would he do that?" I shrug my shoulders. "Believe me, that is still a mystery to me."

"But you trust him?" "Yes." "You feel comfortable with him?" "Yes." "Have you ever considered that he might be your person?" "Yes..." I sigh. "I've been thinking about it. But the answer is no. He's not the right person, not for me, and I'm not for him. We just don't belong together."

"But you do have feelings for him...?" "No! No. Not at all. He... I don't have feelings for him. That's not allowed." "He forbids you to love him?" "He forbids me to make the wrong choice."

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I like Jason, he's sweet :)