Heartbreaker ~ Larry Stylinson {English}

55. Shameless

Songs for this chapter:

Notice - Little Mix

Shameless - Camila Cabello

Good Enough - Little Mix

~ Pov Louis ~ 

"So I say dance for me, dance for me, dance for me, oh, oh, oh. I've never seen anybody do the things you do before. They say move for me, move for me, move for me, ay, ay, ay. And when you're done I'll make you do it all again."

The lyrics of the song immediately echo in my ears when I walk into the house. Some teenagers are dancing against each other in the living room, their bodies full of sweat. Others take their loved one upstairs to an unknown person's room. The kitchen is full with alcohol and some young people who need it. That's also the place where I'm immediately drawn to.

I take one of the red cups and fill it with some strong looking drink. In one go I throw it back. My throat is burning. Good. The feeling I was looking for. I decide to leave my cup and just pick up the bottle. This will be faster. I put the bottle to my lip and squeeze my eyes shut as I let the liquid enter my body.

"I wouldn't drink too much of that," suddenly a deep voice sounds behind me. I turn and look into two dark eyes that are accentuated with some eyeliner. Kjell.

"Why not?" He takes the bottle away from me.

"Because it's way too strong. You'll be in a coma if you're not careful." I turn my eyes around in their sockets. "That's exactly what I needed. I don't care."

"But I do." I look at him, our eyes connecting and not letting go.

"Why?," I ask, my voice almost fading. "I don't even care about me."

"You should. You're worth caring about."

"I don't think so."

"Why do you think that?"

"If I was worth it, life wouldn't be so hard on me. This empty feeling spreading across my body wouldn't exist. My heart wouldn't burn so much as it does right now. The lump in my throat wouldn't be as big as it is. The need to scream, to get drunk, to get high, to stop feeling or to start feeling wouldn't be on my mind 24/7."

"Life wouldn't be life if it wasn't hard. We've all got our struggles and our own battles to fight. Sometimes we lose, sometimes we win. You just need to keep fighting."

"I'm tired. I don't want to keep fighting. I feel like everyday is just about surviving the week. And the week after that. It just keeps on going. It's like there's no end."

"Than make one. Make an end." I feel drawn to him. The way he talks, it just makes me want to get closer for some reason. Like I have to. I bite my lip while still looking at him.

"I just want some rest in my head..."

Kjell gestures to the backyard. "If you want to forget your thoughts, I have something better than alcohol outside for you." He gives me a little wink and with a grin I chase him into the cold night.

With a small jump I sit on one of the tables. Kjell searches for something in his pockets and pulls out some weed. I immediately take it from him and use it as soon as possible. While he does the same, I look at him again. He catches me staring and raises his eyebrows.

"Is something wrong?" I shake my head as I take a puff.

"No. It's just that... You're special, you know that? There's something about you." He raises his eyebrows even higher. "I mean... I haven't seen a guy with nail polish or makeup yet. It's new. It's different."