Difficult Times (Jemily)

Chapter 47

"Yeah he did." Reid says.

"Teenagers will find a way to get online." Garcia says.

"I have the IP address." Reid says while pulling out a piece of paper.

"Oh. That will help. Bingo. Ryan was on the same site on the same night." Garcia says.

"It wasn't suicide." Derek states.

"Hang on, this is a text to voice icon. Let's see what happens." Garcia says while starting to play the audio clip.

"Come on, try it. We all do it. I dare you." A computerized voice says.

"I dare you?" A local police officer asks.

"Someone was orchestrating this, purposely getting the kids to choke themselves." Emily says.

'Someone was making these kids kill themselves just for a stupid fucking game' I think. I was looking at the ground and I didn't see Emily staring at me. I didn't even realize I started to scratch my hand, almost to the point of ripping off skin.

Emily's POV:

After seeing what JJ was doing I know I needed to talk to Hotch.

"Hotch can I talk to you?"

"Yeah. Let's go in the conference room." He says.

We both walk into the conference room and Hotch closes the door behind him.

"So why did you want to talk?" He asks.

"JJ needs to be taken off the case."

"Why? I haven't seen anything that would make me think she needs to be taken off?"

"She isn't doing okay right now. She's starting to panic. She's scratching at herself and almost ripping off skin. She's not okay. Please take her off the case before it gets worse. She can stay at the hotel."

"Okay I will. Thank you for telling me Emily."

We both walk out and Hotch tells JJ to speak with him in the conference room.

JJ's POV:

Why does Hotch want me? I walk over to him and he shuts the door.

"What's up?" I ask.

"I'm taking you off the case."

"What? Why!"

"You're not okay. I think this case is to much for you right now. You are going to stay at the hotel for the rest of this case."

I walk out of the room and grab my things. I can see Emily watching me as I walk out of the police department.

I hop in the car and drive to the hotel.

"Why the hell did Emily say anything to Hotch. I was fine. I didn't need to be taken off the case." I say out loud to myself.

After 10 minutes I arrive at the hotel and set my things inside. Emily and I are sharing a room which is just lovely. I open up my go-bag and look through it.

"Yes it's still in here." I say while holding a blade that I took out of a pencil sharpener. "Thank god for me being a dumbass. Is that gauze in here? Yes it is."

I grab some diffident clothes and the gauze before walking into the bathroom. I set my clothes and the gauze down on the bathroom sink and pull down my jeans. The blade is on the sink, I grab it and sit down on the bathtub ledge facing the wall. I tried not to do this again. I really was trying. But fuck it. Why does it matter.

I push the blade into my thigh the pull until I see blood start to pour out of my thigh. I make 2 more cuts on the same thigh. Then I make another 3 on my other thigh. The last one being a bit deep. The blood starts to fall down my leg so I hop into the shower. I haven't turned the water on yet. I pull the rest of my clothes off and wait for the bleeding to slow down a bit.

When it slows down I carefully stand up and turn the water on. Getting out of the way of the water while I wait for it to heat up. When it heats up I sit back down. The water mixes with my blood and it turns to a light pink color before going down the drain. When the bleeding stops fully I turn the water off and get wrap myself in a towel and dry off.

I'm half dressed when I hear the door to the hotel open and footsteps walking into the room.

"JJ?" A female voice asks.

Shit. Well she was going to find out sooner or later. I wouldn't really be able to hide it because she randomly checks to see if I relapsed. No point in making a big deal out of it now.

"I'm in the bathroom, what's up?"

"Hey" she says while opening the door. "Sorry I wanted to make sure you-" she stops talking when her eyes reach my thighs.

"Why you here? Did you find who made the site." I ask while wrapping my leg with gauze.

"What happened?" She asked with worry.

"I cut myself." I say while continuing my task at hand.

"Why? What did you use? I thought I took anyway everything that you used?" She says fast with concern on her face. "I thought you were doing better?"

"It doesn't matter. We both knew this was going to happen sooner or later so let's not talk about it. Now can you please close the door so I can finish this."

"You knew I'd see these?"

"I wasn't even thinking about you when I did this. The thought of you didn't even cross my mind." I say now realizing how cold and harsh I sounded. Despite it being the truth I continued, "Not just you. I wasn't thinking about anyone. It was just me. I knew it was going to help right away. It was my first resort when I was younger, now it's my last but still."

"What resort am I?" She asks. "I know it's not about me but if cutting yourself is your last resort, did I miss you trying to come to me for help?"

"No you didn't." I say.

"Then what resort am I?"

"I don't know, okay. I don't. I thought I was fine, but then you had Hotch take me off the case and I was pissed. This was the only thing on my mind when I walked in here."

"What did you use, because you gave me everything you used at home." She asks.

"I had a pencil sharpener blade in my go-bag. I forgot about it but I looked through my bag when I came in here and I found it."

"Okay. Do you need help with that?" She asks.

"No I'll be fine."

"Can I at least take a look at them?"

"Fine." I say while unwrapping the gauze.

"JJ some of these are deep."

"I know. But they don't need stitches. They stopped bleeding after a few minutes."

"Okay. I'll be out here then."