JJ's POV:
I spent the rest of the week trying to be a little bit better. I tried to get into a routine so I could go back to work soon. I started to wake up at a earlier time everyday. And soon enough I was good with waking up at 6am. I started to eat a little more, still not a necessity healthy amount but it's better then what I was doing before.
Garcia texts me everyday to see if I'm still alive. I have to text back or else she will come over and I don't want to see anyone right now. I want to help myself a little bit before going back to the outside world. I made a schedule of things to do for the week. And that has helped quite a bit. I wake up at 6am everyday. Go to sleep between 9-10pm. I make sure to shower every other day. Do laundry twice a week. And eat at least 2 meals a day. This has helped me get back on track with my 'normal' life.
I go back to work today. It's terrifying but I hope I can just get though the day. I just know to not look at the wall with all the pictures of agents we have lost, because I know if I see Emily's face on that I will break.
I drive to work and walk into the building. I make my way to the bullpen and slowly look around. I spot Emily's empty desk and tears fill my eyes. I don't let them drop but they are there. I turn my focus away from that and get some coffee before heading into my office. Hotch must have saw me when I walked in and waited until I got to my office to see how I was.
"Hey JJ, how are you?" He asks me
"I'm doing better" I tell him truthfully
"That's great to hear" he says while he gives me a smile that no one else really ever sees. "Well if you need anything please don't hesitate to see me"
"I will, thank you Hotch" I say
And with that he walks away.
Soon the rest of the team walk into the bullpen and makes their way to their own desks. Derek soon sees that I am in my office and nudges Reid to look in my direction.
"I'm surprised to see her back" Reid tells him
"Yeah me to" Derek says
I've got through have of the day so far. It hasn't been to bad. I got up from my office around lunchtime and go to the bathroom. When I walk back I accidentally forget to keep my head down and I see Emily's picture on the wall. That one wall just makes everything become 10x worse. I feel that familiar panic start to rise in my chest. I quickly walk back into my office and shut the door. I also close my blinds. I take a seat on my couch and try to calm myself before I do something stupid. All I think about are the different things in here I can use to hurt myself. Like my gun, or the letter opener, or the pain meds that I got a few months ago.
I decided to do the smart thing. I slowly make my way other to the phone on my desk and dial Penelope's number.
"Hey JJ what's up?" she asks all happily
"Gar-Garcia" I say while stuttering
"JJ what's wrong?" her voice changes fast to a concerned one
"Cant breathe" it was all I could say at the moment
"I'll be there in 1 minute JJ just wait until there okay"
"Okay"
She hangs up and I just slowing slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the floor. I just keep looking to my desk were my letter opener is. I know I shouldn't but I can't help but stare up at it. 'No JJ stop' I tell myself 'Garcia will be here in a minute, even a pathetic person like myself can wait for one minute'
A couple seconds later Garcia walks in and spots me on the floor.
"JJ sweetheart, your okay, it's just me and you in here. Your having a panic attack, do you know what triggered this?" she asks me. I nod. "Okay can you tell me what caused it?" She asks me. "Emily's photo on the wall on the agents we lost"
"Oh JJ, I'm so sorry" she moves closer to me. "Can I hug you?" I nod. She hugs me tightly which makes me start to cry because it's just like what Emily used to do for me when I would have a panic attack or wake up from a nightmare.
Me and Garcia sit like this for a few minutes while my breathing starts to even out.
"I'll be right back okay I just want to take anything out of here that you could hurt yourself with"
She stands up and grabs my gun from the desk, my letter opener and right before she walks out I speak up. "There's pain meds in my drawer please take those as well" She nods and grabs them before walking out. I can tell she walked over to Hotchs office. I can only imagine what type of conversation that will be later.
She walks back in only seconds later. "Now that those are gone do you want to sit on the couch?"
I nod. "Okay let's get you up" She walks over to me and grabs both my hands and pulls me up. We walk over to the couch and we both sit down. She gestures for me to lay down and put my head on her lap so I do. She has one of the throw pillows on her lap so it's more comfortable. She strokes my hair while I slightly cry. There's nothing that can help in this moment other then the person I can't have.
Soon enough the panic in my chest settles and I stop crying. I started to fall asleep on Garcia's lap and she lets me.
About an hour later I wake up still on Garcia's lap, she doesn't even realize I woke up because she's reading one of my books that I left on the armrest.
"Oh hello sleepyhead" she tells me
"Hi, how long have I been out" I ask her
"Not long, it's been a hour"
"I'm sorry for falling asleep on you"
"It's quite alright, you needed it" she reassures me
"Thank you Garcia"
"Of course, do you want me to go pick up us some lunch?"
"Sure, we can eat it in here"
"Alright I'll be back in a bit. By the way all of the things I took our earlier are in Hotch's office. So whenever your ready to get them go in there"
"Okay thank you"
She walks out. I realize I should just go and get my things now that I'm not a safely risk to myself. Hopefully I won't have 'that' conversation with Hotch.
I get up and start to walk over to Hotch's office. I knock twice on the door before opening it.
"Hey Hotch could I get my things that Garcia put in here?" I ask
"Yeah, here they are. Are you doing okay now? Garcia told me what was happening"
Damn it Garcia. "Yeah I'm good now, just seeing Emily's picture over there just hurt a little"
"Alight well I'm glad you went to Garcia before you did anything. I am really proud of you for that JJ"
"Thank you Hotch" I give him a smile and take my things from him before walking back to my office.
(I'm doing great tonight, 3 chapters in 1 night, didn't think I was going to do this)
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Difficult Times (Jemily)
Fanfiction(I wrote this story when I was in 8th grade so don't hate me for it, I know it's pretty bad but I was proud of it. So just warning you.) Jj is having a hard time at home, Will is abusive to her and no one on the team knows. She has been struggling...
