Chapter 26

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(Trigger warning: self harm and eating disorder)
JJ's POV:

I took a while off of work after the funeral. The team always comes to my apartment and try's to talk to me but I never answer the door. They have leave plenty of gift baskets but I never brought them inside. They just sit on the outside of the door. I haven't moved from the apartment. I haven't left in over a month. The only people I talk to are the people that deliver my food or alcohol. The only time I ever get up from my bed is to go to the bathroom. Or eat something. I've barely ate anything these past couple months. I don't even know how I'm still alive. I've lost quite a lot of weight. I've barely showered. Which sounds as gross as it actually is but I don't have the energy to get up and do that. Taking a shower seems like such a easy task to everyone but to me it's about 100 tasks put in one.

First I have to open my eyes, sit up, then stand up, walk to the bathroom, turn the light on, undress, turn the shower on, adjust the water so it's at the right temperature, walk in, shampoo and conditioner my hair, wash my body, and then dry off and redress. It's all to much and I can't do it. I've had the energy to do one thing though. Self harm. It's the only thing that makes everything in my mind stop hurting, and makes the voices go away. My thighs and arms are covered in scars and new wounds.

I haven't talked to the team at all since the funeral. I hear them almost every other day begging for a sign that I'm still alive but I give them nothing. Not even a sound. A couple times Garcia threatened to call the cops on me and have them bust down my door but she hasn't yet.

General POV:

One day though Garcia does have Derek talk to the landlord and get him to open the door to JJ's apartment. When Garcia walks in she sees the mess, the 100s of empty alcohol bottles, the delivery food, the empty tissue boxes, and broken picture frames that have pictures of Emily. Her heart breaks for JJ.

"Stay here Derek I'm going to see if she's in her room" he gives her a slight nod before she walks away from him

Garcia walks though the apartment and finally sees JJ laying in bed.

"JJ?" Garcia asks with a soft and quite voice to not spook the poor girl

No response.

Garcia assumes she's asleep or dead. She quietly makes her way over to the girl. When she's next to JJ she puts two of her fingers on her neck to find a pulse. She does. That alone settles the panic in her stomach. She couldn't lose two of her best friends. Seeing JJ like this hurts Garcia. She knows how close her and Emily were but she never thought JJ would get this bad. Yes everyone on the team was hurting but for JJ it was like her whole world just disappeared.

Garcia doesn't know what she can do for JJ. How do you help something from this downward spiral they are going through. Garcia has lost people but everyone reacts differently to a loss. JJ has completely and utterly shutdown.

Garcia leaves her to sleep and walks back to Derek that was standing in the living room.

"She's alive, just sleeping" she tells him

"Okay. Should we leave then?"

"No, I want to be here when she wakes up. In the meantime we can clean the place us for her a bit"

Derek walks over to the kitchen and finds where JJ keeps her trash bags. He hands one to Garcia and gets himself one. They start to clean up the place. Gathering the empty bottles and empty containers of food and then putting them in the trash bags. Then Garcia sweeps up the broken glass and carefully puts that into a separate bag. She keeps the pictures of Emily though, she would imagine JJ would still want them. After an hour the apartment is clean.

Garcia and Derek sit on the couch and wait for JJ to wake up.

A couple hours past before JJ wakes up. She hears the noice coming from her living room but doesn't think it's actually there. She carefully gets out of bed and walks to he doorframe. When she does she sees her two friends sitting on her couch watching a movie. She realizes that she should cover herself up before walking out of there so they don't see what she has done to herself.

She puts on a hoodie and sweatpants before walking into the kitchen. Her two friends both hear footsteps and when they look before them they see their friend walking into the kitchen.

"What are you two doing in my apartment?" JJ asks them

"We needed to make sure you were still alive. None of use have heard from you in months and we were worried sick about you" Garcia tells her

"Just go away, if I wanted you here I would have called. And how did you get in my apartment neither of you have keys?"

"I got Derek to talk to your landlord and he opened the door for us, all he had to do was flash his badge and he let us in" she tells her

"I don't want you guys here so please just leave. And tell Hotch I might be back to work by the end of the week. Sorry I've been gone for the past month"

"Month?" Derek asks

"Yeah, it's been a month so tell him I'm sorry about that"

"Jesus Jennifer it's been 3 months, not 1, how much have you been drinking?" Derek says

"It has not been 3 months, and don't even talk to me about my 'drinking problem' Derek" she says and puts those two words in quotation marks

"It has been 3 months, have you not checked your phone" Garcia asks

"No I haven't been checking the date" JJ tells them truthfully

"How have you been JJ" Garcia asks

"I'm fine can't you tell" JJ says back with sarcasm

"Now is not the times for jokes and sarcasm JJ, we are seriously worried about you" Garcia says

"Well I would be a lot better if you people didn't just walk into my apartment whenever you pleased"

"JJ we just want to help" Derek says

"Well I don't need help, I am going to be fine. Now please get out and I will see you guys back at work sometime this week okay" JJ states

"Fine. We will see you soon" Garcia says

Garcia and Derek both get up and grab their things before walking out and driving away.

(I have blessed you guys with 2 chapters today, I'm quite proud of myself for it)

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