Chapter 5

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(Trigger warning self harm and eating disorder)
JJ's POV:
I have a few days to myself, I will get my head in the right place before I see anyone. But for right now all I want to do is go bed. As soon as I lay down everything hurts. I lay on my back with my arm on top of the comforter, I don't want any of the cuts to reopen while I'm sleeping. After a few minutes of trying to get comfortable I finally fall into a deep sleep.

A few hours pass and I woke up, I was having a nightmare. I was picturing Will on top of me again, he was beating me senseless. It was only 4 am, I decided to try and fall back asleep. It was no use. So I went into the kitchen and opened the cabinet where I keep my alcohol. I grabbed a bottle of vodka and sat on the couch. I turned my tv on and I watched the news. I wasn't actually paying attention to it, I just wanted some background noise. I downed half the bottle in a hour. I saw the sunlight start to peek through my blinds. I continued to drink away my problems until I couldn't see straight. I passed right back out on the couch, sound asleep.

Emily's POV:
It was early in the morning and I was getting ready before I left for work. I haven't gotten a text from JJ, I figured she would text me just to let me know how she was doing but she didn't. I hope she's okay. After work I'm thinking about stopping over there just to check in on her. I know she told me not to but she's my best friend and I want to help her feel better. As I walked in the office Hotch told us that we still didn't have a case, so it was yet another paperwork day. I didn't mind not having a case because that meant I could see JJ after work.

It was now around 12 and Garcia suggested that me and her should go to lunch, and of course I said yes. Me and her had a nice time, we talked about work and then she asked about JJ. I told her that she wasn't feeling to well and Garcia said the same thing, that I should go over after work to see how she was doing. I promised Garcia that I would before we went back to work.

JJ's POV:
It was later in the day and I felt like shit. I had a empty bottle of vodka sitting on the floor next to me. I didn't want to do anything today. I just wanted to sit here in silent. I was hungry but I didn't want to eat, I feel like I don't deserve food. Maybe it was my fault what Will did to me. Maybe I should have said stop a little bit louder. I should have fought back more. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I guess I deserved this. I deserve the pain, I don't deserve anything good. I need to feel something right now. I got up and walked to the bathroom. The blade sat on the corner of the bathtub. I grabbed it and pushed deep into my thigh. I watched as the blood poured out of my thigh and onto the bathroom tile. I cut another 9 times. Cutting gave me the sweet release that I craved for. I waiting for the bleeding to stop as I sat on the floor.

After maybe 30 minutes the bleeding stopped. There was blood everywhere but I didn't want to clean it right now. I went back into my room and threw on a sweatshirt and sweatpants. I haven't ate anything in 2 days and I still didn't want to. My stomach grew louder as the hours passed. I just sat on my couch in the dark. The tv played but I never listened to it. I sat in my thoughts, memories of that night played over and over again in my head. When I finally snapped out of it I looked out my window and noticed it was getting dark. It must have been around 6 now. I looked at my phone that was on the coffee table, I had a few text messages from Emily.

Emily: Hey JJ I just wanted to check on you, no one on the team has heard from you today so I was a little worried.    2:39

Emily: Hey JJ I still haven't heard from you it's been a few hours, I know you might be asleep so I just wanted to let you know I'm coming over after work to check on you. I'll see you in a hour.     5:03

Oh shit why is she coming. I told her not to. I look like a mess, I can't have her see me like this. I checked the time, it was 5:46. I had a little time to clean up around here before she would come. I threw the bottle of vodka in the garbage and took the trash out. I went in the bathroom and started to clean the dried blood of the tiles. It took a while to come off but it did. When I finally got it all off I heard my doorbell ring. I knew I still smelled like vodka so I put a few mints in my mouth and walked to the door. I opened the door to see Emily standing there with a container filled with soup. She must have made it. I smiled as I invited her in.

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