𝐹𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑚𝑎⚡️

chapter forty-four

I was back in Los Angeles. I didn't have time to call my pilot and get my new set up so I just took a business class flight to California.

I needed to talk to my therapist in person and she wasn't picking up my calls. Maybe because it was two in the morning when I called her.

I knocked on the door and ringed the door bell repeatedly. The door opened, "What the fuc- Sage? What are you doing here? Come in." Shaylee said and opened the door wider.

I stepped in and she closed the door. "Are you okay? You look a little anxious." She asked.

I hugged her as a response. She reciprocated the hug and we stood there for a minute. I rested my head on her shoulder, "I got Killian." I mumble and pull away from her.

I started to pace the room while biting my fingernails, "I tortured him today and I have too many thoughts and my therapist wasn't answering and I just couldn't breathe in New York so I came here because I have to many thoughts and I just can't breathe and—"

"Sage, you're going in circles. Let's count to ten and take deep breaths okay?" She said and rubbed my back. She did the exercises with me and I sat down.

"Did you eat anything today?" She asked.

"Yeah." I say and bounced my leg up and down.

"What did you eat?" She asked.

"Two granola bars and some water." I say.

She sighed and sat down next to me. "But I did eat a half a plate of pasta the day before." I say.

"We'll try to do better tomorrow. Come on let's get you changed into some night clothes. You can talk to me," She said.

I get up and change into a oversized t-shirt before climbing in bed with her. She put pillows behind her and sat up. I put my head on her lap and she starts to massage my scalp.

"Did you tell your family that you came here?" She asked. I shook my head no and sighed.

"I walked out after I got finished with Killian. I couldn't look at any of their faces or be around them. I know they care about me, but when talking about certain things they tread lightly around me like i'm going to break if someone says beating or rape. It's just annoying. And if one more person asked me if I was fine I was going to explode. I know they're just trying to be cautious and everything, but I couldn't." I say.

"Did you see Lee?" She asked. I nodded my head.

"We told each other I love you." I say with a smile.

"He told me that I could take as much time as I need to get used to everything and that he would be there for me," I sighed.

"But?" Shaylee asked.

"I'm scared." I whisper.

"What if he sees my scars and doesn't want to be with me anymore?" I ask.

"When we used to do gymnastics and he went to one of our performances the way he would look at you, anyone could tell he was in love with you. Even though you guys weren't together. One look and I could see all the love in his eyes when he looked at you. Sage, he loves you. If he truly loves you, he will love everything about you. Your flaws, your strengths, he will love everything Sage. I don't think that man could ever be disgusted with you."