Sweet Devil [BL]

Chapter 112. A Selfish Man

"That's what I believe too. If the first traveler does not want to lose their memories, the timeline can only be modified by themselves and no one else. It's just like what happened when I went back in time. Although Misha has a device, it couldn't save the memories, and he forgot everything about that year."

"In that case...." Stephan paused, intently staring at Gabriel. He pinched his lips, hesitating for a second before finally making up his mind and saying, "You could have changed Misha's first timeline, made it so that he never went through such a hell. You could have given him a happy childhood, one devoid of pain, or at least tried."

"Yes, I could have tried."

"Then why didn't you do it? You obviously hold him dear! I thought you were the kind of person to give up everything for their loved ones, so why the hell didn't you do it?"

"Tell me, if I changed his past, would he still be the Misha that I know?"

Stephan opened his mouth but soon closed it, at a loss for words. He knew the answer, it was evident, but somehow, he didn't want to say it. If Misha's past weren't the same anymore, he wouldn't be the person they know. In the long run, a person's personality was built by their life experience and influenced by the people they met throughout the years. So, resetting it all would necessarily change some parts of their character, and they ultimately wouldn't be the same person.

Even though Gabriel went back in time only a year ago, the current Misha was already quite different from the one he knew. It wasn't to the point where it made him feel uncomfortable, but the slight differences were nevertheless there.

Again, Gabriel had to tame the little beast and make him open up to him. Still, that was fine. As long as he was that temperamental, open-book kind of person and not some stranger, he didn't mind how many times he would have to win him over.

"...And what about your mother?" Stephan asked, not-so-subtly changing the topic.

"She has been dead for years, and I've long gotten used to this fact. Besides, her death was the result of her own choices. She was the one who restlessly pursued my father, trampling on other people's feelings without a care in the world. And although she wasn't a bad mother, she wasn't the best either. We've been friends since the cradle, so you should be well aware of her bad sides."

"Still...."

"Stephan, if I had gone back to such an early date, how many things would be different today? The butterfly effect would have accumulated itself until the future became something far too unpredictable. Although I knew Masha from before, my mother's death was the trigger for our current relationship. If it didn't happen, would we still become close friends? If we stayed as strangers, could I even save her mother? How could I interfere with that night? That, I do not know."

Gabriel turned his head, staring at the shelves filled with books, and slowly added, "Moreover, it is sad to say, but to me, Masha and Misha are far more important than my mother. Of course, I loved her, I'm sure I did. However, that feeling of love has grown colder over the years. Now, the ones I currently want to protect are Masha, Misha, and even you. Well, you can add Tristan to the list too."

There was a short silence before Gabriel let out a sigh. Then, he focused back his gaze on Stephan, explaining in a soft yet somewhat sad tone of voice, "Let's say that I saved my mother, then Angela and my father wouldn't have started to openly date each other and live in the same house, much less get married. With their love life messed up, do you believe Tristan would have been born? And even if they did make another baby, would it still be Tristan? If they slept together on any other day, you know it wouldn't be the same conditions, meaning that the fetus in my stepmother's womb wouldn't be the same; I could have very well ended up with a little sister instead of a little brother. At any rate, it wouldn't be Tristan, the little brother I love so much."

"Sorry, I didn't think of that. It's surprising, though, that you are so close to your little brother now. I remember how indifferent you were to him at first."

"Well, I am as surprised as you are," Gabriel chuckled, his eyes becoming tender. "I guess even I can feel brotherly love if given a chance."

"I guess so," Stephan laughed slightly. "But all of this doesn't change the fact that you could have come back a bit earlier, just before Misha's transmigration, and given him a happy childhood. I know it would have changed him, but why does it matter?"

"The answer is quite simple."

"Oh? And what is it?"

"I am and will always be a selfish man," Gabriel smiled coldly. "The moment I learned the truth, that he was an adult in the body of a child, it changed everything. That being said, I do not want Misha to forget me entirely. Regardless of what kinds of memories he has of me, painful ones or happy ones, I don't want them to be lost. You could say that I want to be someone unforgettable to him. So, the harder it is to forget me, the better it is."

"I just had the weirdest thought ever. Just don't get offended, ok? But you, could it be that you are in love with him?"

"That's hard to say. Of course, kids don't interest me, but...." Gabriel paused, a faint grin curving the corner of his mouth, "But I quite like his personality, and I do intend on making him mine after he grows up. So I guess you could say that I probably am."

"From a third person's point of view, that sounds very twisted. You know that, right?"

"I never said it wasn't."

"..."

"Oh, please, don't give me that look. I just told you that I'd wait for him to physically grow up before starting anything, even if he's mentally older than me. How could I ever flirt with a kid? Just the thought of it makes me feel sick to the stomach. Yes, I lack principles, but I'll never lay my hands on a child no matter what. I'd be more afraid of you doing that, considering your non-existent morals."

"Dude, that's rude! I would never!" Stephan replied, seemingly outraged. "I'm not that depraved."

"If you say so."

"...Stop shooting daggers at me with your eyes, come on! I don't deserve so much hate! Wait, I don't, but—Holy shit! Don't tell me! Did my self of the first timeline do something he shouldn't have...?"

To this, Gabriel responded with a cold snort, and Stephan's face turned ghostly pale. Apparently, he had.

Stephan couldn't help but whine, thinking that he was so dead. Tell him, why the hell did he have to flirt with the only person on earth he shouldn't? Gabriel didn't show it, but he could be as possessive as his mother, and his past self dared to hit on the guy Gabriel had his eyes on...? Was he stupid, or did he have a death wish? Seriously, which one was it?!

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Chapter revised on 2022-06-04

Edited by Clozed! ♥

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