Fate ✔

27

We just came over to the mall just like Saif promised me an outing. All of us came here. Nana and Mamaji were dressed in black abayas that Saif brought for them. While mommy dressed in a plain modest English gown that Saif got for her as well. While me I was just in the normal hospital PJs and seating on my wheel chair as Nana wheeled me away.

It was a first time buying a thing from a wheelchair for me. It was a first time seeing a lot of new faces from a wheel chair, It was a first for me seeing a lot of people from a lower angle. But i've gotten used to it, since back at the hospital and if anything I'm grateful for this new life that I found myself in. I could have lost my legs but Allah had been so nice to me that He sent Saif my way. Allah helped me through saif, just like how Saif mentioned before.

Now that I think about it, I feel like probably we met with Saif for this! Since Allah has planned it all out right from the start! Allah is great!

"You haven't picked a thing Ilhan." I heard Saif said as he was the one wheeling the shopping cart.

Then I smiled before gesturing at a book, he looked at me and frowned his forehead. "I need a diary and a pen." I said and he smiled nodding at me before picking it up.

"This one or this?" He said holding out a blue and a pink one for me. I chose the pink one of course!

"And this one will be mine." He said raising the blue one a bit higher and putting it in the shopping cart too. I watched Mamaji picking chocolates and I shook my head at her. I don't like how she's being super comfortable with him. Though he said countlessly that he's a brother to them and they should always ask him of anything, but I still don't like it. I made a mental note in my head to tell her not to be picking too much things or to even stop asking him to buy her stuff completely, I know she's doing so because she's quite young with no enough sense, but what if he doesn't have the money? I don't know Saif that much. But from the little I've known about him, he seems like someone willing to make people happy at his cost of happiness.

"So what do you wanna do when you're discharged?" Saif called out as he moved towards where my wheelchair was and taking a look at some cucumber, as we were now in the grocery section, not that we could cook in the hospital, hence why i guess he was only concentrating on raw eatable veggies and some fruits —  Saif orders in food for us everyday in the hospital. For my meal, I always get one from the hospital as I was being put on a strict diet, so it's part of the bill there. I saw his attention wasn't entirely on me but the cucumber.

"You know you can't have that right?" I called out.

"Yeah." He said looking at it still.

Then I finally decided to answer him the question he'd asked me.

"When i'm discharged I just want to visit a masjid, press my head to the floor in sujud and never raise it up again."

"You mean like dying or what?" He asked in fear. Seems like I was scaring him. Then everyone bursted out laughing at his face expression. He looked funny-scared.

But it's the weird conclusion for me! Why would he think that way? Haha!

"Funny you. I mean I wanna sujud for long. That's all i'm saying."

"You can do that before being discharged. Even right now you can do it."

"That's true. But I want the mosque feeling and it's calm vibes. Then sujuding away! (prostrating away!)"

"Great." He nodded, before grabbing the cucumber pack and throwing it inside.

"I've read online, cucumber's good for you." He said out absentmindedly.

A little later he took my family to a restaurant section of the mall, and they were having food, since I couldn't have it I wanted to be outta there. Plus the smell was really getting to me; in an awful way. So I asked Nana to help get me outta there, wheeled me outside so I could wait for them there.

But Saif said he would do it, "I can't have all these anyway. I'm allergic to the meal here because they use almond oil literally in all their dishes." Saif said moving towards me.

"And you're allergic to that!" I finished up for him. I remember part of the stuff he mentioned he was allergic to almond oil was there.

"Oh thank you!" I said once he started wheeling me out of there. Because some relief washed through me as the smell of the food was so disturbing to my nostrils.

Then I let out a sigh, "you know i've always liked how you do your things. Quite gentle and all, though i haven't known much about you i can tell when you're worried because it still shows, in a cute way though. Just like now!"

I've seen him getting super uneasy even though he was trying to mask it up. Seemed like neither my mom nor any of my sisters have found out! But I've sensed it.

"That, am actually am. I'm actually worried."

"About what specifically? I mean you shouldn't be! Worrying ain't good! It takes away our happiness!" I said. 

"Yeah I shouldn't. But I can't help it." 

"So wanna share?" I found myself asking. I just hoped it's something I could help with.

I heard him released a heavy sigh, "dad wants me married off."

I felt something chucked my heart, then I smiled sadly, "well, that's cool. So why are you worried?"

I don't know why i was being sad about it, I mean it's not like I l like him. I mean I've even told him that. I told him we can't happen. So why was I feeling sad about it? Especially the fact that I just asked him to stop being worried. I mean i'm just being a hypocrite right now. Even if I want him it will be so selfish of me, because i'm now a handicapped!

"I don't want who he wants Ilhan. I don't want who he'd chosen for me. I don't want my marriage arranged!"

I found myself gently nodding my head. At least he could see the movements of my head from my back. Since I was having my back to him. 

"Some things we hate but are good for us. Some things we love but are bad for us. Still i'm sorry about that!" I voiced out the last part quietly.

Once I said that I felt my eyes getting wet. What the?! But I can't cry right now. He'll suspect something! I can't be acting weird!

A little later Saif decided to get us some minerals — actually he needed himself a drink, and he got me water instead, due to my health condition. He opened it for me and handed me the bottle. I gulped it down and couldn't be more grateful. This water just took away all my worries. I gulped it thrice and then did my Alhamdulillah.

I looked up just to see him struggling with opening the drink. I watched him keenly as he was squeezing and unsqueezing his face, all in the name of opening the bottle. By now I was facing him. He'd turned my wheel chair around and he was standing in front of me.

"What's wrong with it? It can't open." He absentmindedly said.

"Oh sorry. I'll turn around and you can use your teeth." I finally said out, because of the direction he placed my wheel chair at; I was facing him on the wheel chair and he was infront of me.

But he ended up laughing at me. "So naive. Can do that even without you turning around. Will just use my shirt to help."

I had to quickly widen my eyes, "no please, I don't want you to squeeze it, use my veil instead." I reached out for the end of my hijab that was tightly covering my hair and handed him.

For a moment he looked confused.

"Not my shirt but your veil? Why?!"

"Yeah at least mine won't show. Even if it does i'll be at the hospital. But what about you? you'll have to go out and meet people. I won't want people seeing you with a squeezed shirt. Trust me my veil is good."

He was still looking me in the eye, and never giving up trying to open it. Pimmmm it finally did open. He smiled at me.

"You see? Done! Now I won't have to squeeze your veil for you. Thanks."

Published on Monday 16 August 2021