Your Fight Is Not Over // The 100

There May Be Hope

Roan opened his eyes and looked around before they settled on me. 

"Welcome back to the land of the living", I whisper, a small smile spreading across my lips.

"Where am I?", Roan asked, I helped him sit upright.

"Capital", I replied simply, turning away to grab his clothes that Echo had laid out the day prior, and I handed them to him. 

"I know that. Am I in the throne room?", Roan asked, looking around, noticing the similarities between the room he remembered and the room he was in now.

"Yes", I responded, leaning against the table. "Have been for a while. You gave us quite the scare".

"How long?", Roan asked, immediately on alert.

"Don't worry, not long", I reply shrugging. "Just a week".

"Alie?", Roan asked, pulling his shirt on, and barely wincing as he pulled on his wound.

"Gone. I killed her in the City of Light", I replied. I held my tongue on the radiation plants. At least for now.

"Good", Roan replied, getting off the table he had been lying on for the past few days.

"And the people?", Roan asked, turning back around to face me.

"Fine. I took care of it", I replied, looking down at my shoes, with my arms crossed.

Silence followed for a little while before Roan sighed and crossed the room towards me.

"Thank you", Roan said, standing right in front of me.

"You welcome", I replied quietly.

It was clear that there was something wrong with me. I just did not know how to hide it. Or handle it, but that's a different issue. 

I always handled it. I was the handler. Any issue you threw in front of me. I could handle it. Programming? Done. I know how to write code without issue. Engineering Project? Give me a bucket load of coffee or booze or both and I'll have it finished during an all-nighter. My mom beat me as a child? I handled it by drowning myself in drugs, booze, and sleeping with men. 

I had it handled.

I didn't know how to handle this. This imminent idea of death nearing us. Not because I was scared of dying. I knew about death from an early age. I accepted the fact, and I wasn't scared of it anymore. 

But all of my friends, family... people I didn't even know dying was not something I could handle. And I was the first to know about it. I was the person who knew about it first.

"Are you alright?", Roan asked gently, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"No", I replied before I could stop myself. "I am absolutely terrified. Because Alie wasn't the problem. Alie gave us an out".

"What are you saying?", Roan asked, concern edging on his face.

"I'm saying that Alie was not the threat we should have been worried about. Radiation-filled plants are blooming on Earth. In less than 6 months, we are all going to be dead unless we find a solution", I whisper, as if somebody would hear, even though it was just me and Roan in the room.

He was silent, and I felt my walls crumbling down. I felt the overwhelming desire to let tears flow. I hadn't done so in so long. 

I hadn't cried over Mount Weather. I didn't allow myself to. I couldn't. It didn't come out. But this... this was overwhelming. I couldn't stop it. It just came out.

"We are actually going to die", I whisper in a broken voice. 

"How am I, Audelia Kane, a literal nobody supposed to deal with that?", I asked, stepping away from him.