Trying to find home

Asgard Day 4: Part 2

TW: Gore, death, and mentions of suicidal thoughts and panic attacks

It felt like I was suffocating. Like the weight of everything was pressing so hard onto my chest, not letting in any air. I managed to stand up, my eyes blurry with tears.

I could hear people talking outside of the room, but I knew I couldn't face them. This hurt too much. I ran out of the room and onto the balcony, the windows and mirrors breaking as I jumped off. I let myself fall for as long as possible before dissolving into a black cloud.

There was only one place I could think of going anymore. Only one place I wanted to go, honestly.

I flew quietly and quickly across Asgard and back to Earth. I shot through the clouds, high above New York, heading for the deep woods outside of the big city. I could feel the pull gently in my stomach, trying to convince me to go back to Fraida. I couldn't. Not right now.

I reformed and fell to me knees with a sob. I could see the large rock just to my left, so I crawled right up next to it. Finally collapsing, my hand resting on the words carved into the stone.

'Oliver and Lexie' read the divots in the rock. Seeing that made the flashbacks hit hard.

"Oliver, please," I pleaded quietly. I didn't realize such a tiny thing could scream so loud. He was only three days old, but damn could he scream.

"Please baby. I know it's not nice, but it'll only get worse if you keep this up." I bounced and shushed him, trying to make him sleep. I hadn't slept in so long.

My head shot up as the door banged open, turning my back to it to protect my son. When a loud thud was all that sounded before the door shut again. I slowly turned around, and, when I saw what had happened, I wished I hadn't.

I fell to the floor, sobbing, holding Oliver tighter. Laying dead in front of me was my best friend, my girlfriend, Lexie. Her mouth open and her eyes wide, she stared into my soul.

Two days later, they finally took her corpse out. The stench had seeped into my bones, something I'd never forget.

After the first day, I was able to breathe without gagging, so I guess that was good. Oliver had finally tired himself and had fallen into a deep sleep, so I thought it was ok for me to do the same. I was wrong.

I woke up to him screaming at the top of his lungs. I sat up blearily, rubbing my eyes.

"Oliver," I mumbled. "Please, sweet boy." I heard the door burst open, sending my mind into overdrive.

I tried to reach him first, but I wasn't fast enough. I was too weak. I could only watch through half lidded eyes as the guard picked up my baby, my reason for living, by his feet and slam him into the wall.

A wail erupted from my chest as I felt my face grow wet from his blood. I scrambled to gather him up in my arms, giving the last of my strength to heal him. It was in vain. He was dead and no amount of healing could bring him back.

I came back to myself, still laying in the dirt. Everything in me hurt so much. I didn't know if I would be able to get up again. It seemed to take forever, but I managed to get to my hands and knees and push myself to my feet. I needed to see it.