Ambivalence - yoonseok

30- s w e e t

Pretty lengthy chapter for you all! 💜
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Unedited

"I-I don't know what's wrong with me..."

The older hybrid smiles warmly at the younger one. He glances down at his note pad, examing his notes from this session and the session prior.

Yoongi chews on his bottom lip anxiously while his fist squeezes at the stress ball he held in it. It was glittery and had little squishy pearls inside that moved every time he squeezed it. The smell of rose oil flooded his nostrils and he was honestly glad that his therapist used an air purifier and masked his own scent for his patients. It was easier that way when it came to dealing with hybrids, since it was hard to tell what the therapists were feeling. They could remain completely unbiased and it was comforting to know that.

Today, his appointment was going well. Hoseok had dropped him off about an hour ago and Yoongi got to meet his therapist for the third time since he started his sessions. He was an older hybrid male with soft eyes and a comforting aura. Although Yoongi couldn't smell his scent, he knew just by the man's voice that it was a sweet one. Not to mention that the man, who likes to be called by Mr. Kim, was experienced in dealing with hybrids with abuse and trauma.

But today, they started talking about a different topic, one that Yoongi actually brought up. He had been thinking about addressing it for a while and today he finally had enough courage to do so. He was wondering why recently he's been craving attention from Hoseok.

As weird as it sounds, he just couldn't understand why. He would wait in the living room until Hoseok came back from work and then he'd follow him around the house silently. He doesn't know if Hoseok has noticed but it started out as something Yoongi did subconsciously but now he realized he was doing it.

Also, the hugs. Yoongi loved them. He wouldn't admit it but he loved hugging Hoseok and still smelling his scent on him for a while. It gave him a weird sense of comfort. Sometimes Hoseok would smell like his girlfriend and Yoongi would stray away from contact with him for a while. And other times, when it was just them in the house and they'd watch a movie, Hoseok would put his arm around him and he would feel his heartbeat increase and his skin grow tingly. It was a feeling he liked, especially now since he was more comfortable with physical contact.

But now, Yoongi wondered why he was feeling this way. He's never been so...confused about something like this. Well, technically he's never really experienced something like this either. And he was starting to become insecure and ashamed, thinking that this feeling was wrong and selfish to have. Especially since Hoseok has a girlfriend.

Mr. Kim adjusts his glasses, finally looking back up from his notes and speaking. "Your body is growing familiar with physical stimulation."

He sees the way Yoongi frowns at the words and he starts to explain deeper. "You haven't had much physical touch until recently so your body and brain are still adjusting to it. Because of this, I'm assuming that when you go a long period of time without this kind of stimulation, your body begins to grow antsy and needy for it. This can cause you to be a bit attached to whoever is giving you that physical touch."

Yoongi nods his head, biting his lip as he holds himself tighter. Even now, he weirdly craves to be near Hoseok. His heart feels kind of heavy and the more he thinks about it, he feels bad. He doesn't want to continue burdening Hoseok with his problems, even if he is getting better, he's still a burden.

"How...how do I stop it?" He asks softly and the therapist smiles.

"It's something that eventually evens out on its own. It's not a bad thing to crave physical attention, there's even scientific evidence that having that type of attention and stimulation can improve your mental health." The therapist sighs a bit, sadly looking at Yoongi.