𝑺𝑶𝑳𝑺𝑻𝑰𝑪𝑬 [𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑹𝒀 𝑷𝑶𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑹/𝑻𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻]

𝐸𝑁𝐺𝐴𝐺𝐸𝑀𝐸𝑁𝑇

EDWARD CULLEN WAS DRAINED, GUILT-RIDDEN, AND CONSUMED IN HIS MISERY. He believed it would get better, that he could get through it. He just needed time. He had made a promise to Bella. A promise to his family. It was his duty to keep them all safe. And he would.

Even so, as he sat in his room getting ready for his engagement party, there was a part of him that knew time would not be enough. And eternity was a long time to wallow in guilt. Eternity was not nearly enough time to merely get through it.

But Edward played his role of a dutiful son. A dutiful fiancee. There was no hesitation in Bella. She believed him. Perhaps, he was too good of a liar. Or maybe, she played her role well too. After all, Bella had always been able to surprise him.

He knew Bella was determined to forget the time when Gwen Organa had stepped into their lives. In fact, Edward had promised to let the witch go and focus on Bella, to focus on their upcoming wedding and the eternity they would spend together.

But the remorse and guilt of lying to his fiancee, to his family, and to himself of what he truly wanted, now burned with the thirst in his throat.

There was some part of him that often wondered what would have happened if he had just stayed in Hogsmeade with Gwen. Would they be happy? Would they be living together? Would they be off exploring a new country? Tracking new magical creatures? Would she have truly seen a future with him?

Edward sighed as he knew he would never know the answers. It would be impossible. And it had been entirely intricate chaos in his life that had led him to this decision. How he would never laugh at the tragedies of the classics, of Romeo and his bad decision making. As he himself, had been in the middle of incidents where miscommunication had deadly costs. Where one wrong message had led him to the Volturi, and had led the Volturi to Bella, and his and Alice's gifts.

And so, he would serve the time for his mistakes. He would keep his family safe. But in doing his duty, Edward was drowning.

With each passing day that he promised to let her go, the memory of Gwen Organa became more and more solidified in his mind. As the days went by, he knew he could not simply let her go. And so, he was drowning. Drowning with the guilt, drowning with the memories and questions of 'what if's?'

His lifeline in fact, had been the mystery of the letters Rosalie and Gwen shared back and forth for the last few months.

His sister did her best to keep from thinking about Gwen's words when Edward was home. In fact, the only reason he knew about the letters was because he began to notice a peculiar owl that came and went from Rosalie's room.

Then, Emmett had let his mind wander to a particular letter Rosalie had received with a moving photograph of Hogsmeade one day. And that was when Edward knew; Rosalie was communicating with Gwen on an almost daily basis.

Edward felt an uncomfortable spasm of guilt, as he thought about the day he used this knowledge to his advantage. On a day, he knew Rosalie and Emmett would be showing Bree how to hunt, he had perched himself above Rosalie's room, making sure he was the first one who spotted the owl.

He knew he would not read the letter Gwen sent to Rosalie, he would never be so crude. But he would use the owl.

Sure enough, the owl arrived right on time.

And Edward desperately wrote a letter to Alex Scrigemour, knowing that Gwen had once told him that owls could find anyone, as long as they were wizards and there was a name to the letter of a real person. To his grand surprise, it was not but three days later when Alex wrote back.

At first, the blond man had been angry with Edward, stating he wanted nothing to do with Edward and wanted him to stay away from Gwen. And Edward could not blame him...

But then, something had changed. And Alex wrote once more, leaving Edward with an owl to connect them to their world. It was a door...Maybe a window, an opportunity for Edward to breathe once more.

Perhaps, to come up for fresh air once in a while...

Though he was bound by duty, he figured, this might help him move on. And so, he began to send flowers to Gwen.

White lotus flowers to be specific. He knew she would never connect them back to him, he had never once mentioned them to her. But in a way, it would help him hold a relationship with her...Connect with her, and maybe, it would help him move forward if he knew she was okay. If he knew she was moving on. If he was sending his best wishes to her...

After all, the Lotus flower was regarded in many different cultures, as a symbol of purity, enlightenment, self-regeneration and rebirth...The perfect characteristics for her. She was moving forward, she would move past him, past Forks, past the war, into a new life. And he would be happy for her.

"Edward?" Emmett called, knocking on his door as Edward had heard him coming towards him for some minutes now.

"Come in" Edward said, as he cleared his throat and turned away from his window to see his 'older' brother dressed in his party suit.

"Are you ready?" Emmett asked, as he frowned on the look on Edward's face. Poor guy, he looks miserable...

"I'm sorry" Emmett apologized immediately, realizing he had let his thought wander in front of Edward.

"It's okay" Edward said, as he forced a smile. He knew his family had been giving him space, keeping their thoughts far enough away from the topic of Edward's misery and focusing on the positive. Edward often wondered if it had been Carlisle who had asked everyone to give Edward space. "I'll be okay..."

"You don't look so good, you know that right?" Emmett said, as he looked concerned for his brother. You haven't for a while. You're basically starving yourself, you know that? When's the last time you fed?

"I don't know" Edward muttered, knowing the pain in his throat was helping him with the coping he was doing.

"Well, have some Dragon Blood before you eat the entire Engagement Party" Emmett chuckled, making a joke as he looked expectantly to Edward, as though wanting to get a laugh from his brother. 'Tough crowd' Emmett thought, as Edward tried to force another smile.

Rosalie came in after Emmett, looking quite beautiful in an icy blue flowing dress. "What's the hold up? Bella's family has arrived."

"Uh..." Emmett began, as he looked to Edward.

Rosalie's beautiful golden eyes landed on Edward, as he saw what she looked like through her eyes. It was then he saw how terrible he really did look. His eyes were sunken in more than usual, as the lack of blood had not aged his skin, but it would make him appear sickly to the human eye.

You poor sucker...Rosalie thought. I can't believe you're actually going through with this.

Edward was stunned by her kindness. Well, the kindness that Rosalie could show to him.

"I already ruined Bella's life enough. I can't put her in danger, any of us in danger for my mistakes" Edward muttered, as he turned away from his siblings and looked at himself in the mirror. He truly did not look suitable to see any humans.

"She's strong" Rosalie said quietly, as she exchanged worried glances with Emmett. It was then, that Edward knew his sister was talking about Gwen. "I hear Tanya is doing well, settling in nicely with the wizards. They're practically treating her like royalty. And Gwen, well, she's fine I think. At least, doing a lot better than you."

Edward chuckled, as he knew Rosalie was poking fun at him, but at the same time, it made him feel better to hear about Gwen.

"I know we had to put it off, going to the Wizarding World... I know it has not been easy for you Rose. Thank you."

"You can thank me by pulling yourself together" Rosalie said, as her attitude towards Edward had returned. His blond sister quickly and gracefully, dropped a jar of Dragon Blood next to him. "Now drink up, before you kill all of Bella Swan's family and the rest of Forks that showed up to your engagement party. You chose this and you're not changing your mind. So, all you can do is live with it."