They call me a criminal

Chapter 45

I opened my eyes to see the wall in front of me now instead of my father.

I pushed myself up trying to steady my breathing. "You were sleep talking." I jumped back, seeing Sirius sit up in his bed as well. "Sorry." I mumbled laying back down. "Goodnight Clara."

When the sun crept through the next morning I pulled my blanket up higher. I heard Remus and Sirius get out of bed, and go downstairs.

I then pulled my blanket back down and stared up at the ceiling. I took long deep breaths trying not to laugh at how pathetic I'd become. I eventually did sit up and stared at my face in the mirror standing up against the wall. "You bitch." I whispered to myself. I spun around as the door was pushed open. "Hungry?" Fred asked holding up a plate. He then looked down at my dinner plate which remained on the floor uneaten.

"You can't starve yourself Clara." I scoffed, "that's not what's happening here Fred." He put my plate down, "then talk to me, I'm your boyfriend you need to tell me what's going on." I shook my head laughing, "I need to tell you? Well how does this sound I feel sick to my stomach, I can't eat. What happened is haunting me, so the least of my worries is talking to you about it." He sighed, "I want to help." I put my arms up, "what part of this are you not understanding Fred? Leave. Me. Alone."

He scoffed walking out of the room, slamming the door behind him. I sank down the wall curling my knees up to my chest. I was angry at myself for speaking to him that way, and not trying to talk to him, but there was no way he could possibly understand. And I couldn't put the pressure of expecting him to say the right thing, because that wouldn't happen.

I heard a knock and saw Remus and Sirius both walk in. I quickly got off the floor sitting down on my bed. "Are you alright, did something happen with Fred?" Remus asked. I shrugged, "it's not a big deal." Sirius sighed, "we have something to ask of you. And we know it's a lot." I looked up, "you want me to leave?"
Remus shook his head, "no of course not, why would you think that?" I raised my eyebrow, "what do you want?" Sirius sat down, "we had an order, the last wizarding war. People like your mother, Harry's parents, and us were all on it. Dumbledore has asked us to reunite. But in order to get a better idea on what has happened..." I stared at him, "you want me to tell you all what happened in the graveyard." Remus nodded, "we have a meeting later, think it through." I sighed, "I will. But have you thought it through?" Sirius nodded, "what should we be thinking through?" I bit my lip, "you're asking me to admit to murder. Basically sending me back to Azkaban. I guess you were asking me to leave." I stood up leaving the room for the first time in two days, immediately making my way outside.

I sat down on a bench watching people walk and drive by, carrying on with their normal lives. I heard one younger girl talking about how much she hated her parents, they wouldn't let her go to some stupid party. I wanted to reach out and shake the girl, tell her to wake the hell up.

"It's nice out." Remus said sitting down beside me on the bench. I nodded. "You didn't kill him Clara. What happened was beyond your control. No one is going to blame you." I shook my head, "tell that to Pansy." Remus sighed, "she doesn't know the half of anything you've been through." I bit my lip, "no, she has no idea." I closed my eyes, "I think me and Fred should break up." Remus shook his head, "I don't think you mean that Clara." I nodded, "I'm never going to be able to treat him the way he treats me."

Remus smiled, "he loves you, we can all see it. You're hurting, and because of that so is he. We all are."

I leaned onto Remus' side. "I don't want to hurt anyone else." He wrapped his arms around me, "you're not hurting anyone Clara." I shrugged, "if you were me would you feel that way?" Remus sighed, "I couldn't possibly understand how you're feeling Clara." I nodded, "is it awful I just don't want Fred or any of my friends near me?" He shook his head, "no, you need time."  I shook my head, "I want to be better, for them, I really do." Remus sighed, "take a deep breath. You don't need to worry about any single person in that house. Not now." I stared down at my feet, "thank you."