Before you knew

105. Why.

After Alyssa left it's time to go to sleep seeing how I have to work tomorrow morning.
Clay joins me.

'Can I tell you something?' Clay asks as wel lay in the dark. 'Of course.' I say as I roll onto my side so I'm facing him even though I can't see him in the darkness, eyes still needing to adjust. 'Can I be completely open and honest with you?' He asks. He sounds a little upset. 'Yeah, always.' I say. He sighs as my eyes adjust enough to see his silhouette. 'I'm a little scared.' He says. 'About what?' I ask. 'Us. Being in a relationship.' The words feel a little painful 'why?' I ask. 'I've never been in a good relationship before.' He says. I listen to him in silence.

I know he never got loved back in his relationships.
Nick told me.

Whenever someone would be together with him it would be because of his status. He was quiet popular in school, and later on the internet. He always loved without boundaries, and got nothing back for it. Just giving and No getting. He got used for it and I know that. Though he never told me and he never seemed insecure or unsure about anything between us.

Is he scared he's not going to get loved back again?

'Look, I- I don't really know how to tell you what's going on, because I'm not sure of it either.' He says. I move closer to him and kiss him briefly. 'Clay. Can I tell you something?' I ask. He sighs 'yes.' I hold his hand in mine and play with it.

'I love you, okay?'
He hums and nods.
'Because you are you. Because of the way your smile always reaches your eyes. Because you don't play pretend, you tell me how it is without excuse so that I know what I'm up against. I love you because you are gentle. Because you play with and hug your family, and because you love them. I love you for how open and kind you are. I love you for the hidden freckles that pop out in the sunlight. I love you for the way you love, because I've never seen anything like it.'

I hear a sniffle.

'Please don't be scared. Because we're in this together, right?'
He grabs my waist and pulls me to him, holding me tightly agains him.
'I love you too.' He whispers as I feel a teardrop fall onto my collarbone.

I pat his back and run my fingers through his hair.
'Remember that little piece you own. That tiny piece of my heart.'

'Mhm.'

'You take care of that. I'll take care of you.'