I might regret it later but I know what I did was right. Hindi lang naman kasi love niyo para sa isa't isa ang naghohold ng relationship. It needs more. 'Yung more na hindi ko kaya ibigay.
I'm not capable of loving him the way he deserved to be loved.
For me, this reason is enough to let him go. We're still young and what we feel for each other might just be a phase na mawawala rin. And if anyone understands the feeling to let someone go because you can't be the person that someone deserves to be with, it's me. Travis deserves more than I can give that's why I decided to let him go.
Those days that we're together, hinding hindi ko makakalimutan 'yun. I don't deserve it but he gave it to me. I love him, I love him so much that I needed to do this. I made the difficult choice of letting someone like him go and I might not be able to find someone as thoughtful as him, as caring as him but I know he will.
I'm not the woman of her dreams, alam ko naman 'yun. It will be hard not having him beside me but it will be worth it. My pain will all be worth it because I know I did the right thing. This might even be the best choice I've made in my life. Our pain will be worth it.
Tanga na kung tanga pero hindi ko kaya kung siya naman ang masaktan sa huli kung pinagpatuloy namin 'to. Mas okay nang ako nalang and he needs to go. Ayokong magstay siya para lang sa akin that would be selfish of me.
"Ming, hindi mo ba kakausapin si Travis?" Tanong ni Alex habang inaalis ang unan sa mukha ko.
Lalo ko pang tinakip sa ulo ko ang unan. I just don't want to talk about him right now. Gusto ko lang ng masarap na tulog at kalimutan ang problema kahit isang araw lang. Kahit ang mata ko ay sumasakit na kakaiyak ko. Gusto kong pagtawanan ang sarili ko dahil ako ang may gawa kung bakit ako nasasaktan.
I heard him sigh and stood up from my bed. "He's leaving today."
I didn't budge pero nanikip ang dibdib ko sa narinig ko. Why is he leaving so soon?
"Pupuntahan namin siya sa airport. You sure you don't want to see him before he leave?"
Tinanggal ko ang takip sa ulo ko at umupo sa kama. Can I? Do I?
Hell of course! I just want to see him before he leave.
I just need to see him one last time then it's really goodbye for me. For us.
xx
Hindi ko na pinansin pa ang airport attire ko basta nalang ako kumuha ng damit sa drawer at sinuot 'yun dahil baka hindi ko pa siya abutan.
Hindi ako mapakali sa kotse habang papuntang airport. This is for real! He is really leaving me. Leaving us.
"Maaabutan natin 'yun." Charles held my hand and smiled at me. "Lex, bilisan mo naman!"
Aaminin ko, natatakot akong makita siya. I'm afraid that if I see him later I might ask him to stay. I'm afraid that I'll take back all the words that I said last time. But the scariest thing that could happen is he, denying me and asked me to leave because he doesn't want to see me anymore.
Hindi na siya ulit pumunta sa bahay pagkatapos nung gabing 'yun. I guess he gave up. Galit pa nga ata siya sa akin. I heard hindi na siya masyado sumasama pag may lakad sila Greg.
Nanuyo ang lalamunan ko nang nakita ko siya na nakaupo sa mga upuan doon habang hawak ang cellphone niya. Ngayon lang talaga nagsink in sa akin ang lahat.
He's leaving, he's leaving me.
Lumingon siya at napatayo siya nang nagtama ang paningin namin at agad lumapit sa kanya sila Alex and I remained in my place. Hindi ko siya kayang lapitan. Naduduwag ako sa maaaring mangyari. Nakita ko kung paano sila nagasaran at nagyakapan. I know this is also hard for them kasi close talaga silang lima and ever since sila na talaga then biglang may aalis na isa.
