Pretend (Harry Styles) - Book 3

Chapter 20: Broken Promises

Poppy pats me on the knee as she stands up, pressing a kiss to the top of my head before leaving the room.

I sigh, laying back down and closing my eyes.

"Don't Ava don't." I whisper to myself. "Don't."

My mind is made up. I'm not going down there. I'm not talking to him. I won't regret it.

My mind is made up.

But my heart... It isn't.

My heart has me sitting up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and standing up.

My heart has me wrapping a blanket around myself before trudging down the stairs.

My heart has me opening the front door and sitting down on the steps next to Harry.

Poppy was right. He's still here, slightly shivering on the front steps in the cold. Elbows resting on his knees as his head hangs down between them.

He doesn't look up. But he knows I'm here, his body tensing as I sit a few feet away from him.

I tighten the blanket around my shoulders, trying to ward off the goosebumps threatening to spread across my skin.

"Why you out here Ava?" Harry raises his head up, wiping his face.

"You know why." I respond quietly.

"You shouldn't be." He looks over at me, leaning forward on his elbows. "Don't deserve you coming out here."

"No.. you don't." I sigh, rubbing my eyes. "What are you doing still out here Harry? It's cold. You don't even have a coat."

He shrugs, "This is as close as we're gonna be for awhile I reckon. Couldn't bring myself to put distance between us quite yet."

I nod, looking down at my sock clad feet, trying to compose my thoughts.

"You know what hurts the most?" I fight back tears as Harry watches me. "I'm not worth the truth. All that we've been through together, yet I'm still not worth the truth."

"No." He shakes his head, scooting towards me a little. "You're worth everything Ava. Everything."

"Except the truth."

"No. That's not..."

"You don't get it do you?" I question, cutting him off. "All these lies... The truth would of hurt, yeah. But only for a little while. The lies?... They hurt forever Harry."

He narrows his eyes, my words hurting him. Cause they are true.

"I'm so sorry Av."

"From now on I can't believe you. You know that right?"

"Please just... I'm so so sorry."

"Apologies mean nothing if you don't stop dong what you're apologizing for Harry."

"I know. I do." He reaches for my hand but stops himself, resting it back on his knee. "I won't... Not gonna do it again. Promise I won't."

"You've said those exact same words to me before."

"I know Ava.. I just.."

"You've promised me before. 'No more lies, I don't want to lose you Ava.' You promised me Harry."

He nods, looking away from me. Wiping the tears off his face.

"You've ruined the memory of our wedding... Of our honeymoon. They were perfect. But now they're just another part of your lie."

"No."

I look away from him as he moves even closer to me.

"Look at me Ava."

I choke back a sob trying to escape my throat.

"Look at me."

He turns me towards him and I look into his eyes, finding them full of so many emotions.

"Those vows I said that day... Nothing I've ever said before holds the truth they do. Nothing." He grasps my hands, his eyes pleading me to believe him. "I love you Ava.... I'm in love with you. I love how I feel when I'm with you. I love our baby. I love the thought of raising it with you.. growing old with you... I love falling asleep next you, knowing you're the first thing I'm gonna see when I wake up. I love it all, every bit of it. I love you. I love us. There's not an ounce... not one ounce of untruth in any of that. That was what our wedding was about. That was what our honeymoon was about."

He takes a breath, clutching onto my hands gently. "I know I lied. So many times I've fucked up and lied. But I can't... I won't have you thinking for one second my love for you is a lie. I'm a fucking bastard, deserve to rot in hell. Know I do. But I love you. More then anything. Never doubt that. I can't have you doubting that. I love you Av."

I shake my head at his words, trying to rid myself of my desire to just crawl into his lap. Let him hold me. Let him give me the comfort I desperately need.

"I love you. Tell me know that." His voice sounds panicked. "Please... Just... I love you. So much baby."

I turn my head to the side as his palm touches my cheek, leaning away from him.

"Av please.... Tell me. You know I love you." He chokes out. Moving closer, his knee now touching mine. "Can't... Can't having you questioning that. Please."

He grips my chin gently, turning me to face him. His hand moving back, holding the back of my neck.

"Have to hear it Av.. Please. I love you."

I look in his eyes, wet with tears. Same as his cheeks.

"Baby please..." He pulls me towards him, our faces now only inches apart. "Tell me you know that. I love you. Tell me you believe me."

I don't say anything, letting the tears run down my cheeks freely. I'm so overwhelmed by so many differing emotions I can't think straight.

Sadness. Anger. Disappointment.

Love.

A wet kiss is pressed to my cheek, Harry's lips feelings warm against my skin. A stark contrast to the cold air around us.

"Av I love you. So much"

Another kiss is pressed to the corner of my mouth as I'm pulled closer.

"I love you. Tell me you know. Please love... Tell me." He whispers, his gaze darting between my eyes and my lips.

"Baby..." His lips brush mine. "I'm so in love with you.."

Hurt. Anger. Disappointment. They all make me hesitate as he waits for my response.

Love. It makes me lean in, my lips molding perfectly against Harry's.

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