Letters to My Heartbreaker

37

"So you like him?"

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko sa narinig. "Ate! That's not what I meant!"

Ate Sav sighed dropped herself to my bed while I was sitting on the edge. I was telling her about what happened and now she's getting ahead again. I shouldn't have told her anything... or maybe I should've excluded the details.

"Everything you just said all points to you liking him," she said matter-of factly.

Now that she brought this up and now that I'm recalling everything— from my actions to my thoughts, maybe I do like Jarvis.

"Yeah... I guess I do like him... romantically," I admitted with a shrug. "But then, so what?"

Napabangon si ate sa kama, nakanganga. "Anong so what?! Shoot your shot or lose the chance."

"But things like this shouldn't be forced."

"You're not forcing anything. It's right in front of you and it's so obvious!" Singhal niya. Marami pa siyang sinabi ngunit ang salitang manhid lang ang naintindihan ko.

"Should I tell him?"

"Only if you want to," aniya bago ako hinalikan sa noo at lumabas na ng kwarto.

Should I tell him? Should I not?

The question whether I should tell him or not has been occupying my mind. But since I'm still thinking about it and I don't think I'd stop until I tell him, I decided to just give it a go.

I mean... it would probably sting if he'll tell me that he doesn't like. But then, does it even matter? I feel like the important thing here is to let him know what I feel towards him. That's it.

I'm gonna tell him because I want to, and not because I want to force him into liking me back or into a relationship.

Now that I made up my mind about this matter, I realized that I am actually growing. If I was still my high-school self, I would probably adhere to London's list on how to avoid heartbreaks and deny what I have for Jarvis.

Moments like this are just so heartwarming since I actually noticed that I'm changing; that I'm not stuck with my past anymore.

"Hey, so we'll push the plan through?" The rest of Jarvis' words were drowned by my thoughts.

"Hey, Sugar!" He called, snapping a finger in my face. "You okay?"

"Huh? Ah..." nilibot ko ang tingin at sumimsim sa shake bago tinuon ang pansin sa kaniya. The moment our eyes met, I felt the urge to look away but I also didn't want him to notice anything.

Now this is what London was referring to on her list. Whether we like it or not, once we admit to ourselves that we like someone, things start to change.

Everything has a meaning. Everything he does looks good in my eyes. I get to notice everything— from how the corner of eyes crinkle when he smiles to how he tilts his head and nod when I speak.

"Yes, yes, we'll go to Hawaii and I'll invite my friends." I'm not sure whether we were still talking about that but... oh well, at least I said something.

We were planning about visiting the places we went before and our first stop is Hawaii. According to his stories and some fragments of my memories, we did have a long island life.

I was the architect of Jarvis' rest house and also our resort. I also wanted to see how our resort is doing and hopefully, I'd be able to start working again.

"Sugar!" Sabay-sabay na tawag ng mga kaibigan at tumakbo sa direksyon ko.

Ako lang ang sumundo sa kanila dahil may inasikaso si Jarvis sa hotel. Mula sa airport, dumiretso kami ng mga kaibigan sa rest house ni Jarvis. Nang nakapag-ayos na, nagswimming kami sa beach. Iyon lang ang ginawa namin sabay kain hanggang gumabi.