𝒴💍𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝓋𝑒𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒 | Sakuatsu

∆•Chapter~Nine•∆

Miya Atsumu's POV

It was almost 5 and I was starting to feel really hungry, I usually go down to see 'Samu already cooking but.. he wasn't there. I remembered the lasagna he made me and grabbed some on a plate before heating it up. I happily finished a portion before I went to the tv. I remembered Wednesday night and how much fun I had with 'Samu and started to feel really sad. Yes I know he can be separated from me but I really missed him. I don't know how I'm gonna manage Sunday.. He said he'll be back Sunday evening but, that's like 24 hours. Ugh this kind of thinking makes me anxious. Instead of staring at the sofa I decided to go upstairs.

Each step I took up the stairs my heart rate just kept going up. I tried to focus on other things so nothing would happen, but thinking about how if I did have a panic attack and 'Samu wasn't here... well it made me feel a lot worse. I attempted taking deep breaths but they ended up shaky. One of my problems is when I realize the "symptoms" of having a panic attack. I just, I freak out. I know one way to help calm yourself is to realize you are having a panic attack but for me. It just scares me, it scares me knowing how I'm about to feel. I didn't realize how slowly I was walking up the stairs. I made it the top before falling on the ground. I just felt weak. This is how it always was. I could never take care of myself, I'm just so dependent on my brother I never really learned how to be independent. He was always independent, I guess he developed that trying to get away from me..

Oh I missed him so much. I had my knees and hands on the floor before I felt tears develop in my eyes. Why couldn't I be more like him? Why did I have to be the twin with the mental health problems? Sure i'm more noticed in school but its for a person I made up. The real me is 'Tsumu.. the real me is Panda. Not Miya Atsumu, I don't deserve that name. Before I knew it I saw tears hitting the hallway floor. I was trembling on the floor trying as hard as I could to not fall into it. That's when I got the idea I could text Shinpi before it went too far. I pulled myself up shakily before grabbing my phone from my bedside table. I hesitated but decided it was better than having a panic attack alone.

hey can ya talk?

I mean he's usually really quick to answer.. maybe I could try sending another text?

uhm sorry to keep bothering ya I just.. i really need help before it gets worse..

At this point I knew it was a little late.. I didn't think about the possibility of not having at least him. Oh god what if I'm truly alone again? The last time I had a panic attack alone I... I can't go through that again. Oh god.. please don't make me go through this. My chest was rising and falling really fast. I was struggling to catch a breath.

please answer shinpi i can't breath..

Maybe after last night he found me obnoxious? I mean I guess I am a little much... Maybe... I hate to say it but... maybe he kill- no that can't be it I won't believe it. After not getting a response I called him. I knew he couldn't pick up but maybe it will get his attention?

Calling Shinpi <3...

I listened to the phone ring once, twice, call ended. I then looked at my texts seeing a "seen" written under them and was able to take a breath before going back to gasping for air.

Shinpi <3:

Everything okay? Give me a second I'm at Motoya's, I'm heading home.

You:

no no dont leave for me i just

Shinpi:

Don't worry okay? What's wrong?