Déjà vu (OffGun)

Part 29

A/N: [Drum playing intensifies] Yeah, it is happening!!! Finally, a top's POV!!!!! 😂😂🥳🥳!!!!!!! 
I was actually giving our power bottoms' a chance to speak. Now, the main game with tops' POV begin!!!! Get ready!!! In 3, 2, 1 GO!!!

Tay's POV

I am sitting in front of New in a restaurant.


We are almost done eating. We didn't utter a single word during our whole 30-45 minutes dinner. I still have no courage to speak to him even though I have asked him to have a dinner with me. I sighed. 


How can I explain to him that why I am doing this... What will I say to him? I can't even look into his eyes. 

I have so many things to tell him but I can't.



I am sorry New. I am so sorry that I am doing this. I just can't make myself talk to you. I just have to talk with you and make things clear but I can't even do this simple thing.


I am sorry New. I didn't pick up your phone yesterday. I didn't even seen your text. I was so scared that what I will tell you when you will say the words of your heart. If I tell you the truth, will you leave me? Will you leave me like everyone that I loved? 


I am sorry New. I don't deserve you. You deserve someone better than me. But I don't want you to leave me. I want to stay with you. I love myself when you are with me. I love it when you smile at me, laugh at my stupidity. I love it when you feel sleepy and put your head on my shoulder. The scenery of you sleeping on my shoulder just seems so serene, so perfect that I am afraid it is just a dream. A dream that can break in any moment and will never comeback. 


 I am sorry New. I am being so selfish, that I can't let you go. I just don't want you to leave me. But why would you even stay with me? Why would you stay with a person like me? All the persons that I have loved either left me or are gone for forever. I just don't want you to leave me like them. I want to stay with you. I want to stay with you forever. But would you stay with me? 


I am sorry New. That I am ignoring you. In a small span of time you made such a special place in my heart. You broke all the walls that I had created for me. You didn't only understand me, you encouraged me, you supported me. You took care of me and even tried to save me, protect me, when you knew it can cause you harm. How can I forget that you were scared, yet the most bravest person I have ever seen, when you saved me. How you were crying for me, how your eyes were desperate to see me safe and secure. 

I am sorry New. That I love you. I like you, I want you to stay with me when, I am just a person who you will regret being with. I don't want you to feel disgusted while being with me. New, I will never be an obstacle in your way. I hope, after telling the truth you will not leave me like everyone else but if you want to go then I won't stop you either.



''P'Tay, I am done eating. Do you really have something to say or may I take your leave?'' New asked making me come out of my thoughts. 


What am I going to say to him? I have stop him from going. I have to make everything clear today. Tay! Take a deep breath and talk to him. 


''New... Please stay. Don't leave now. I want to talk with you.'' I said avoiding his eyes. 
''Okay. Tell me, what you want to say.'' New said sitting next to me. 

''I don't want you to leave me.... I want to you to stay with me...'' I said looking down. 
''Who said I am leaving, P'? I am not leaving you.'' New said looking straight into my eyes. 

My heart is beating so fast. My breath is getting unsteady. How am I going to say this? 

''P'Tay, I know, something is bothering you. I know, that you were ignoring me yesterday. But I am sure that was for some reason. It's okay, if you can't tell to me now. I am always ready to listen.'' New said giving me a warm smile, a smile that calmed me. 

How can I not like you after this? How can you be so understanding?


''No, New. I am going to tell you now. I won't beat around the bush. I-I know that you-'' I stopped in the midway. I am becoming voiceless now. I don't know how to say this to him. What if I am just wrong and overthinking with a wrong assumption. What if he doesn't like me and after I say all this to him our relationship doesn't stay like before. 

''What P'? What is that you know and you are willing to tell me?'' New asked. 

Okay, it is time I must be straightforward and ask him. I have to make things clear today and right now. 

(A/N: GUYS, IT IS HAPPENING. YES, IT IS TRULY HAPPENING NOW. GET READYYYYY!!!!!!!!
༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ)


'' You like me, right?'' I asked avoiding his eyes.
''Yes, P'. I-I like you. I don't want to hide anything from you. I like you since the first day I met you. It felt like the time had stopped for me when I saw you.'' New said keeping a straight face and still looking into my eyes. Man! Where do you get that courage? What do you eat to have this level of confidence?!