Broken- Brittana

Stares

Santana's POV:

It has been two days since everything that happened at school. Me and Britt stayed home from school yesterday- I couldn't be around Finn. I want to be angry, I know I should be, but I just can't focus on any other emotions apart from sadness. 

The past few days I have cried, and cried, and cried. It has gotten to the point now where I don't think I have any tears left. Everything has been taken from me. It isn't just the coming out thing, even though I obviously wanted to do it, in a way I am kind of glad that it is out of the way now. But there is so much that I now feel I can't do. I'm scared all the time. I can't seem to get anything right. And I can't stop fucking crying. 

I think back to who I was a few weeks ago, hidden, but I was ok. People were scared of me, they respected me. But now who am I? Just a gay kid who is going to get disowned as soon as they go home? Fuck this. I know that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get my shit together, but I'm not ready yet.

I haven't been home since it happened, Finn put it on the Muckraker and with the school's policy they also email it to parents. My parents- as an attempt to show that they care- read every issue. That means that they know. They know that I am gay and I can't face them.

I started to get loads of notifications when people found out- some were supportive, others not. Some told me to die and some just wanted me to leave so they wouldn't catch the gay disease. In the end Britt took my phone and forced me to turn it off. I know that my parents are probably messaging me non-stop and will end up coming to find me, but I just want to wait as long as I can before they see me.

According to Britt, the Glee Club got Finn exiled and stopped us from getting suspended. I was honestly so surprised when I found out that Rachel came up with the plan and went against Mr Schue. I didn't think that Hobbit had it in her.

We are going back today, we couldn't miss another day. Brittany was hesitant but it is our last day of rehearsals before Sectionals and I actually really want the solo. We leave with only 10 minutes before school starts so that we will hopefully avoid all the stares. I really don't know if I can do this, but I know that I have no choice.

Brittany's POV:

We are on our way to school and I keep asking Santana if she is ok, I know that she feels like I am smothering her but I am really worried, I don't think she is ready. That isn't me saying that she isn't strong enough, she is the strongest person I know, but I have been checking her phone when she is asleep and the response is so bad. Her parents have also been messaging her- a lot. I'm so scared for her, Finn has a lot of explaining to do, he fucked everything up for her. 

That first night that Santana and Kurt stayed at my house, my parents pulled me out of my room to ask me what was going on while it was my shift. I quickly woke up Kurt and slid out from around her. My parents have known since the first week that we were together and luckily they were ok with it. They have accepted Santana and treated her like their daughter- I just hope that her parents will treat her in the same way. It was a short conversation of explaining what had happened and why she might have to stay here for a while, but it felt like forever- I just wanted to get back and comfort my girlfriend. Fortunately they said that her parents kicked her out then she could stay at my house- I haven't told her though, I am trying to stay positive for her sake.

When we arrived at school, we were immediately called into the Guidance Counsellor's office. I didn't dislike Miss Pillsbury, but she does think that I am weird because I used to keep a bird in my locker- I just wanted to protect him from Lord Tubbington's killing spree.

"Hi girls, come in and take a seat," she said, pointing to the two chairs on the opposite side of the desk to where she is seated. I took a look at the creepy leaflets about still breastfeeding when you are a teenager and being in love with your step-dad before taking a seat. I let go of San's pinky and instead hold her hand under the desk. "So I hear that you have been going through a bit of a rough time?" She questioned with sympathetic eyes, passing us some leaflets about finding out that you are gay and being outed. I appreciate what she is trying to do but when I look over to San I see that there are tears in her eyes again. We had escaped the looks of  judgemental students on the way in, but I think it was just hitting her now that nothing was going to be the same again. I squeezed on her hand so that she looked at me, I gave her a weak smile and she gave me one in return.