What If...I Remember?

Chapter 69

"Madam...you're barely done walking around the first pond..."

Nai Nai attempted to be polite, but Bai Qian understood that her handmaiden was informing her that she had a lot more walking to accomplish. "I know, Nai Nai...just a quick break." Bai Qian placed a hand on her aching back, before she frowned. "Are you alright, madam?" Nai Nai moved forwards at once, upon seeing Bai Qian's frown, but Bai Qian merely waved the maiden away, "I'm fine, Nai Nai. Just feeling a little heavier than normal."

"Should I call the Medicine King?" Nai Nai widened her eyes in concern, reaching forward to grip Bai Qian's forearm to support her, but Bai Qian shook her head as she gestured towards the path ahead of her, "No, Nai Nai, I already said that I'm fine. Let's keep walking." "But this path...Madam, you aren't possibly thinking of going to the Zhu Xian Terrace, are you?" Nai Nai pulled Bai Qian back at once, earning a laugh from Bai Qian as she patted Nai Nai's hand reassuringly, "Why would I, Nai Nai? You're overthinking."

"It's a beautiful path, Nai Nai. It might remind you of unpleasantries, but that is not to be blamed on it." Bai Qian gazed down at crystal waters thoughtfully, before she gently lifted a lotus flower into the air with a wave of her fingers, "Although I still think that Ye Hua makes a finer lotus." "???!" Nai Nai wore an expression of horror and confusion, and Bai Qian merely chuckled, not paying any attention to her maidservant, "I jest, Nai Nai. But lotuses do look beautiful in gold."

"Nai Nai has never seen a golden lotus." The maiden bowed her head shyly, wondering how beautiful a sight it must be for Bai Qian to remember it clearly, and Bai Qian smiled at the lotus a little while more, before she lowered it back down into the water. "If you like it, Madam, we could propose having a lotus pond in the Xi Wu Palace." Nai Nai noticed Bai Qian's expression of unwillingness to part with the lotus, but Bai Qian merely laughed, "Ye Hua has already planted peach blossom trees. Add a lotus pond to it, and Xi Wu Palace will become a place for the deities to crowd around."

"I miss Kun Lun." Bai Qian added shortly after, for no absolute reason, and Nai Nai waited for her to continue, having not understood what Bai Qian meant at all. "The lotuses there are the purest I have ever seen...and the water flows calmly with the sounds of nature. Add on a zither, and it becomes the most beautiful scene that could bless your soul..." Bai Qian trailed off, her shut eyelids fluttering slightly open and her smile fading into a frown, "Pity that such a tranquility could never happen up here in the Nine Heavens."

"Madam..." Nai Nai felt an inexplicable feeling wash over her at Bai Qian's words, and they brought her back to the time when she was just a newly ascended maid, and Su Su was her master, her mistress. How Su Su had treated her kindly like a friend, even though she was the lowliest of maids and a servant to Su Su. "I should've known better, and pushed past that wicked Xin Nu." Nai Nai spoke bitterly, her resentment spilling over her control and onto her expression, and yet Bai Qian laughed — a light, airy laugh — with a tone impossibly free of hatred, "Oh, but what would have happened then, Nai Nai? It was a trial, after all. Maybe...if you had stopped Su Jin...then maybe I would have been pushed down. But then my eyes would not be gone, would it? Mayhaps something else...or have you forgotten A-Li was nought but a little being in my womb?"

At her own words, there was a twinge of pain in her abdomen, but Bai Qian was more focused on Nai Nai's loud exclamation of "Madam, how could you say that?!" than the trivial issues of what seemed like cramps to her. "I do not know, Nai Nai." Bai Qian shrugged as she walked on, "Fate has a unique way of working as it does. If it had decided to take my son from me, instead of my eyes, what could I have done? But I must be thankful it was only my eyes, which I have gotten back now."

"Madam...please stop saying all these...Nai Nai should not have brought it up in the first place...it is Nai Nai's fault, Madam..." Nai Nai seemed thoroughly shaken by Bai Qian's words, and the Crown Princess finally seemed to stop all her wondering at her handmaiden's pleading, "Are you afraid, Nai Nai? It is only just my thoughts...but if they have scared you, then I shall stop." "They have, Madam. These are terrifying thoughts." Nai Nai blurted before she could think, and Bai Qian tilted her head, about to say something else, but she shook her head quickly after, "You are right, Nai Nai. Terrifying thoughts they are, indeed."