Diary of a Biatch

8. Back to School

-Tara - Naturally a brunette. Her parents say she can dye her hair when she turns fourteen, which is in another three months. Other than that, she's exactly like the rest.

-Katie - Exact clone of Ella. She even takes Ella's exes, and how weird is that! It's like Katie's a tramp having Ella's leftovers.

-Carmen - Pretty Spanish girl, smallest bitch of the lot with milk-chocolate eyes and dark blonde hair cut into a bob.

-Vicki - I think she got her name from Vicki Pollard, from Little Britain, as she never makes up her mind and is always going 'Yeah, but, what about this? No, but, is that right?' So annoying. And she's another Ella-look-a-like.

-Whitney - is probably the funniest out of the lot, and the least bitchiest. She is also the youngest, in the year below us. She is Ella's little sister, but the complete opposite. The only reason she hangs around with Ella is because they're sisters. She speaks to me sometimes, and I think she's actually quite a nice girl. I've never heard her bitch about anyone else, not even her sister.

So, that's the two bitch-gangs. Obviously, I don't feature in any of them. I have my own, huge gang. Which includes every girl in my year, apart from the bitches, and some girls from the other years. We also have quite a lot of boys in our gang, most of which are actually quite fit and have six-packs, and muscles.

I say gang, but it's basically just a huge bunch of us that hang around and take the piss out of the bitches and just laugh and joke about our lives. I love hanging round with mine and Mollie's super-big bunch of teenagers.

And in a few days, I'm going to be going back to my hilarious bunch of teens, and I couldn't wait.

My favourite teacher was my English teacher, Mrs Webster. She was really tall and skinny with short black hair in a bob. She always wore smart skirt-suits, with heeled shoes. She was actually quite strict, especially on the bitches, but she adored me and Mollie, and it was totally obvious. Sometimes, Britney would say that I was a geek, or the teachers pet. Usually, I'd just say, 'You're just jealous, 'cause I'm smarter than you,' with a smirk on my face. Then Britney would be speechless, give me a dirty look, say 'Whatever' and stalk off with her disciples.

Like I said, she's a twat.

Anyway, so Mrs Webster adores me and Mollie and is always giving us prizes for our projects. We might sound exactly like Britney called us: geeks and teachers pet, but trust me, we're not.

English, ICT and Business are the classes I actually do the work in. All the rest, I just muck around in. I usually get sent out and have loads of detentions, especially for not doing homework, but I don't care. I should do, but I don't. Mollie is good in all of her subjects. She's never had a detention in all her school life, which is a miracle, if you ask me.

When we're doing experiments in Science, I sometimes pay attention, and I like swimming in P.E. In Drama, all of us mess around and don't do our work, but I don't really count that as a lesson anyway.

Modern Foreign Languages is a frigging joke. I take Spanish, and it's pretty easy but so God damn BORING! Music is alright when we're on the Apple Macs, because I just go on the Internet, on Facebook and stuff. I've been caught hundred of times, but I don't really give a crap. Technology is a frigging bore too. I'm SO glad that I get to choose what classes I'm taking next year. Obviously, I've gotta take Maths, Science and English, but I'm gonna choose ICT, Business, Georgraphy (that's easy-peasy) and Drama. And whatever else is on the list that I like.

When I'm older, I either want to a singer, actress, model or a lawyer/solicitor. I'll probably end up being a solicitor, but you never know.

It would be cool being a model, but I don't wanna get pulled into the super-skinny size 0 and all of the drugs and shit.

I could be a great actress, as I am already a Drama-Queen, but not everyone makes it, and I'm not wasting half of my life to figure out I'm not going to make it.

I would be an amazing singer too, but because I'd be famous, I'd lose my privacy. And I'm not gonna give THAT up.

So, it looks as if my only choice left is to be a solicitor, and it does seem quite interesting to me. Mum bought me this huge law book at the start of Year Nine, but I've only read a bit of it so far. But it is appealing to me more and more each day, though.

Mum thinks I'll be an amazing solicitor, and so does Carl, but we'll never know until I make it as one.

Anyway, I've gotta go back to school in a few days, face the Platinum Blonde Bitches (me and Mollie call them PBB for short) and their outbursts at showing off their Christmas presents and how they got 'pissed' on New Year's Eve. Whatever.

-5 days later-

Back to school. Boring.

Maths. Headache.

Science. Experiment blows up and sets half of the super lab on fire. Fucking hilarious, thanks to me and my clumsiness.

Double P.E, Rugby. Painful, but very funny, as I got Olivia to face-plant a huge pile of mud. It had been raining, we were playing rugby and I accidentally-on-purpose tripped her, and she flew in to the ground, face first, with her mouth open. My second highlight of the day.

ICT. Interesting. We were making our own pretend businesses.

And finally, English. My third highlight of the day. We had recently been learning about Much Ado About Nothing, by Shakespeare, and Mrs Webster was talking about innuendos today. Basically, Shakespeares dirty-funny remarks. Britney didn't really take part in the lesson, and got really embarrassed when Miss was talking about sex in Shakeapearean time. It didn't bother me, so instead I took the piss out of Britney, who went redder than a tomato, then ran out of the class, embarrassed, claiming that she had a tummy-ache. Everyone was laughing at her, even her PBB gang, and even Mrs Webster.

Then I walked home with Mollie, and we reflected on our day. The explosion I made in the super lab, tripping up Olivia in P.E and then taking the piss out of Britney.

After I'd tripped up Olivia, she'd stood up, looked at all of us with mud covering every part of her face, and we'd all wet ourselves laughing so hard. She burst into phoney tears and ran into the bathroom, where she didn't come out until half an hour later, changed into her normal clothes, all the mud gone and make-up replacing it. Fortunately, I'd taken a picture of her face in P.E before she'd ran off. Now that was DEFINITELY going on Facebook!

I may be a bitch, but I'll NEVER be a Platinum Blonde Bitch. You can know THAT fact for certain.

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