Say Okay (ON HOLD)

Chapter 33

Harry’s pov

“She left me Esmea, she left me.”I replied, quietly.

“I’m so sorry Harry.You didn’t deserve it.”She said, still rubbing my back. I pulled away after a moment so that I could wipe the excess tears from under my eyes.

“I’m the one that should be sorry.You didn’t need to see this. It’s just I don’t know what to do. My life is a mess.” I said.

“No, Harry don’t apologise to me.Your life isn’t a mess it’s just complicated at the moment. “She said.

“It’s just that I’ve always wanted to have the perfect family. I wanted Trevor to grow up with both biological parents. Seeming as I never did.”

“Harry stop. It’s not your fault. No one can predict what will happen in the future.You and I both know that Anne didn’t plan on getting a divorcé when you were seven. And no one predicted Amber to leave you and Trevor.”

“Yes it was. Can I tell you something?” I asked.

“Sure. She replied, nervously.

“From the beginning Amber told me that she never wanted kids and I accepted that. We weren’t even boyfriend and girlfriend, we were more as you could say it friends with benefits. We’re so similar in ways, the only difference was that she didn’t want kids and I did. We knew we were never going to take it any further. I know this might sound stupid and immature but she was just there. We just had sex with no feelings. But when Trevor happened everything changed. I had to grow up fast. I was excited to be a dad. Amber wasn’t She wanted to have an abortion but I told her that we had to stick together. So we did and got married. She was hesitant about the idea because she didn’t want this at all. She wasn’t cut out for the parenting life and she still isn’t Anyway we got married because I told her that I wanted Trevor to grow up with what you would call a normal family. Though we were far from that.” I said, before taking a deep breath.

“Wow. “Was all she could say. I didn’t expect her to say anything. I just wanted to tell her what I was feeling.

“Yeah you know what the worst part is?” I asked after a while.

“Do I really want to know?”

“Probably not.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“Well Amber went away on a lot of “Business Trips”. I said air quoting the words business trip. I knew what that meant.

“Oh.”

“Yeah well Trevor didn’t like the idea of his mum going away so often. Amber went out every other night. Trevor wanted his mum. Amber didn’t want to be a mum. She left me with Trevor a lot. The only time that they were with together was when she was pregnant other than that, they hardly spent time together. Trevor cried sometimes because of her. So when she left Trevor blamed himself .He said that it was his fault for her leaving.You should have seen him Es. He was devastated. So that’s why he wasn’t at school yesterday. She left yesterday night. The night before she promised that she would try to make things work.” I replied, my voice cracking at the end.

“I’m so sorry Harry. “She said placing her head on my shoulder.

“No I’m the one that should be saying sorry to you.”I said, resting me head on the top of hers.

“Why I don’t have anything to do with this situation. “She said sitting up straight.

Guess it’s now or never.

“I remember. “Was all I said. From the look on her face she knew what I was talking about.

“Remember what? She asked.