You (Matty Healy)

// CHAPTER TEN //

"Matty?" I said, taking a step into the small bathroom and closing the door behind me. Matty didn't look up at the mention of his name, and was still staring at his face in the dirty mirror hanging above the sink. His cheeks were stained with tear tracks and his eyes were red and bloodshot. "Matty."

"I'm fine." he croaked, "leave."

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong." I said, crossing my arms over my chest. His hurtful words had made me momentarily numb. He sighed and pushed himself off the sink and sat on the edge of the bath tub, holding his head in his hands. I locked the door to the bathroom to prevent anybody else stumbling in before lowering the toilet lid and taking a seat opposite of Matty. 

"Everything's just getting too much, I'm on a bad high." Matty sniffled, wiping his nose with the back of his arm. He reached into his pocket and took out a plastic baggy and threw it in my direction, landing just beneath me. I reached down and picked it up, examining the white powder that lay within. 

"Is this cocaine? Did you take this?" I asked, trying to swallow the lump that had lodged itself in my throat.

"A little, I was going to take the rest but then you knocked and I-I-"

"You what?" 

"I didn't want you to see me like this." he whispered, barely auidable. "I don't know what to do." I climbed off the toilet seat and emptied the powder into the sink before allowing it to be washed away with water. I carefully aproached him and sat down beside him, before pulling him into my side and wrapping my arms around him. His silent cries suddenly became louder as he sobbed into my chest and my own ached for him. Matty, who I thought couldn't give a fuck about anything, clearly gave a fuck about a lot. Enough to make him cry in front of a girl he barely even knew. 

We sat there for a while until Matty's sobs became more quiet and distant, and he finally sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. I'd immediately felt the loss at my side, I wanted to grab hold of him again and never let go. 

"It's my brother mainly. But then there's all this stress with the band." He said after a moment silence.

"What's happened?"

"I left home to come here with George and everyone. I left my family and my little brother behind. I feel guilty and I miss him so much I c-" He started, before his voice betrayed him and broke. He held his head with one of his hands and put the other one on my thigh. I put my hand on top and squeezed his hand, reassuring him.

"Everybody has moments like that. I felt guilty about leaving my mum and brother too after... after stuff that's happened. But you have to do what's best for you, and I'm sure your brother would want you to do exactly that." I said. He gave a faint nod, not moving his eyes from the floor. "And as for the drugs, weed is nothing to worry about but stuff like coke? That's not something you should be messing around in Matty, take it from personal experience."  He looked up at me and I saw a brief smile in his pale wet face.

"What?" I asked, a brief chuckle escaping my mouth.

"I don't know. I just like the way you say my name, it sounds posh." He smiled again, before opening his arms and pulling me into him. I wrapped mine around his back and rested my head on his collar bone, and I could hear his heartbeat breaking into a slower pace. He was finally calming down. 

"Thank you for putting up with me like this. I barely know you and you helped me - sort of." He said into my hair before pulling away and standing up off the bath tub. He extended his arm out towards me and I grabbed it, hauling myself up next to him. He looked down at me with his chocolate eyes and my heartbeat increased as he reached out for my finger tips. It was as if we were both in a trance, our eyes locked on each other and our breathing slow. Just as his fingertips brushed mine, he pulled away all of a sudden and shook his head, before focussing on a point on the side wall. 

"We better go, they'll think we've been fucking." Matty said, wiping his eyes a final time before unlocking the door and walking out without a glance in my direction. I tried to hide the shock and disappointment on my face as I followed him out, squeezing through the crammed dormitory. 

Matty took a seat next to a group of people and I was unsure whether or not to follow, until he looked up and ushered me with his hand to sit down. I sat down next to George, trying to avoid another awkward encounter with Matty. George immediately put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him before taking a sip from his red plastic cup. His hair was matted and beads of sweat glistened on his hairline from the humidity in the room cause by the overcrowding. 

"Guys have you met Avery? She's greeeeeat and she's hot and she's funny and wowee!" George pointed to me with a giggle, before lolling his head back to dangle over the back of the couch. He was clearly drunk. I smiled awkwardly, looking at the the unfamiliar faces of the group as they all stared and smiled at me, before focussing on one in particular. 

"Where did you disappear to earlier huh? All I saw was that blue bow and your pretty little ass sauntering away." The burly guy from earlier grinned diagnally from me, sitting on a blue plastic bean bag chair. I smiled in amusement, before looking at the floor to try and avoid conversation. 

"With me." A voice spoke up, a voice I knew all too well by now. My eyes flicked up from the floor to settle on Matty's ghostly face, his eyes were snapped onto the walking muscle man, and I swear I saw a flash of anger dart across his face.