Cerulean Found

Chapter 8 - Morning Haze

Happy place, happy place, happy place, happy place...I keep repeating in my head. I say it over and again so many times it is as if I have adopted the two words as my new mantra. I guess I sort of did. But despite my efforts, it doesn't help. No matter how many times I speak these simple words, I cannot seem to find my way back to my sanctuary. My safe haven. My so-called happy place.

Every time I close my eyes, there Josh is, with his red bandana...smiling at me! Why am I thinking of him? I hate him and yet I can't stop seeing him every time I attempt to zone out and relax. Why?

I feel a chill. I get up to get the black and white striped quilt that is draped over the armchair. As I make my way back to bed something bright on the nightstand catches my attention. It is the yellow gift my friends had given me. I was so preoccupied with Josh, I had forgotten all about it. I grow giddy. This is just the type of distraction I so desperately need.

I read the card first. It features a photo of a cat wearing sunglasses with the message, "Happy Birthday to one cool cat." It makes me smile. I love photos of silly cats, especially if they're in outfits or out of the ordinary situations. It takes me a few minutes to read everything that my friends have written. They all express the same sentiment, that they hope I like my gift because it is something they "know I don't have many of, if any at all, but it definitely is something that I need."

Hmmmm.... What could that be? I wonder. I have no idea what they have gotten me. The suspense is killing me.

I tear the yellow paper off the package, which reveals a lidded white box. I open the lid slowly and am surprised to find three smaller packages, all wrapped in the same yellow gift wrap. I pick up one of the gifts. It has a small tag indicating it is from Madison. "This will look awesome on you," she wrote. I smile as I think of what it could be. Clothes? Jewelry? Hair accessories? I rip the paper off of the gift in eager anticipation.

I freeze when I see what she has gotten me. A solid jade green two piece bathing suit! I have never worn a bikini before in my life. I never needed to. After I stare at the high waisted swim bottoms and bandeau style top for a few minutes, not really believing what I am actually looking at, I remember that there are two more packages to open. I hope that at least one of the remaining gifts contains something more practical that I can use.

I open the next gift. It is from Jenna. "This is a summer must!" That note peaks my interest. Maybe it's that new book I was telling everyone about that sounded really good. About the girl who falls in love with the British bad boy? Summer reading is a must, afterall, I think to myself.

I am wrong, of course. My excitement dies as soon as I push the tissue paper aside and pull a simple black two piece swimsuit out. I think my friends are trying to tell me something.

I debate whether or not to even bother opening the final gift from Haylie. I am almost one hundred percent positive I already know what it is. I read the note. "A classic" it reads. If I had read this a few moments ago I would have thought it was a great literary work like Gone with the Wind or Pride and Prejudice. But I now know better than to hope for the impossible.

I roll my eyes. I am right. It is not a book. It is yet another bikini, but this is not just any swimsuit. It is a yellow two piece covered with white dots. It's an itsy-bitsy-teeny-weeny-yellow-polka-dotted bikini. A classic, of course.

I lay out all three of my newly acquired swimsuits on the bed and just stare at them in disbelief. I don't know why my friends would get me these. I never go near the water, let alone in it. I stand up and walk to my suitcase. I unzip the pink bag and dig to the bottom. Finally I find what I am searching for. Rolled into a messy ball of navy lycra, is the swimsuit I had packed. It was the only one that I possess, prior to five minutes ago. As I hold up the suit I grimace. It still has the tag on it. My mom had bought the suit for me four years ago as encouragement to get over my fear of water. It didn't work. I never wore it. Even when my family vacationed in Kennebunkport, ME, I just wore shorts and a tank to the beach, and stayed far away from the water. Was I really planning to wear this? Looking at the navy suit now, in comparison to the bikinis my friends had just gifted me, it was pathetic looking. The one piece isn't exactly hip by any means. It is very ordinary and extremely plain looking. The blue one piece has thick straps, a semi high neck, and a hideous ruffled skirt (detachable, of course). What was my mom thinking when buying this? Or more importantly, what was I thinking packing it? I can't wear this. I won't wear this. What would people think? What would Josh think? He already thinks I'm weird, if I were to wear a suit as ugly as this, he'd think I was a freak as well. I know he'd get a laugh out of that.