Zih'aira

Chapter 9

Promise ,

"So what's been going on lately?"

Karen asked , while dicing up fruits for this smoothie she was making.

"Good I guess but Kartion is horrible."

I rolled my eyes with the 'horrible'

"Whats going on?"

"He's such a cry baby now. I mean all he does is cry and and scream for his 'daddy' it's so nerve wrecking. Not saying i'm jealous because I love the fact that Karti is making up for lost time, but i'm not use to it. Things is do different now Kartion acts like he forgot about Montana and wither he tells me or not I know it makes him feel some type of way. I want to believe it's a phase but I don't know."

I held my head up with my palm.

"Don't stress that. He's just happy that he has his father in his life and might be acting out a little."

She said , while sitting down.

"I know but I'm starting to get frustrated. No disrespect but ma why did he have to come back? All it has done was cause unwanted problems in my life. Problems that are stressing me out. I hate him for everything he has put me through."

Before I knew it, tears were burning my eyes.

"Zih , what is really wrong. Let's have a heart to heart baby."

I took in a deep breath.

"I just want to be happy. I think I deserve that. Yes I love Kartier and Kartion's father-son relationship. But I'm still hurting. I know I should be over this but it still makes me feel some type of way. He still have this hold on my feelings and heart and I fucking hate it. Yes I love him and not only for him giving me a beautiful son, but I hate him so much more for putting me through all this shit. Im in love with a man who loves me unconditionally but ever since Karti been back, I've been loving him back with restrictions. In some sort of a dumb twisted way, I'm torn."

After getting all that off my chest , I felt so good. Before Karen could give me motherly advise, that I was in need of the front door opens and closes.

"mommy!" Kartier screams , while running towards me. He jumps into my arms and I hugged him so tight. I honestly missed my baby. He's been gone the whole weekend.

"Hey ma, wassup Promise."

Karti said, while kissing his mom on the cheek. I sat there and gave a dry smile . Before Karen could say anything Kartier was grabbing my hand , I quickly snatched it back.

"Damn. Didn't know I couldn't touch you. Can we talk for a minute."

"A minute is all you get."

I stood up and led the way to the livingroom.

"What is it you need to talk about?"

I asked sitting down.

"Kartion. Yes I cherish the time I spend with my son and I thank you for allowing me, but I want more. Not because i'm trying to make up lost time from guilt. Bu-"

"But my ass. Every weekend isn't enough? You see him throughout the week when you stop by here."

I yelled, cutting him off.

"Zih your there for him everyday. I just want a little more. Like damn. Can I drop him off at daycare in the morning. Take him to doctor appointments. All I'm good for is the damn weekend? Shit he has a father. I can take care of him those days you drop him off over here."

I stared at him long and hard.

"When I'm not able to do those things, my sons grandmother is. I also have a wonderful man who is more then willingly happy to help."