Zih'aira

Chapter 19

Montana ,

"What happened?"

I asked Zih , while walking into her hospital room.

"Hey Montana."

She answered. Her voice was laced with emotion. She was sad.

"Whats wrong baby. Talk to me."

"I've been so stressed lately.... I had a miscarriage."

Miscarriage?

Did I hear her right?

"Miscarriage? So you were pregnant?"

She shook her head yes.

"Why didnt you tell me?"

I yelled, upset.

"I didnt know how to. I didnt want to make whatever this is were doing more complicated then it already was Montana."

She said, defending herself.

"Complicated? You think leaving me in the dark on having a baby wouldve worked until you had it?"

"I was going to tell you eventually."

"Eventually my ass! Zih'aira that shit is wrong."

I stressed, pissed off.

"Wrong? Not as wrong as you fucking Toi!"

"Zih, I thought we moved on from that. I know what I did was foul. I made an honest mistake. No I didnt mean nor want it to happen but It did. I have to accept that but if your going to throw that shit up in my face every chance you get then why the fuck did we make up!"

"Montana, I ask myself that every day!"

I took in a depe breath, held it, then let it out. Trying to calm myself.

"So, what was it that you were so stressed about that caused you to loose our baby?"

I asked, changing the subject.

"A lot.."

"A lot like what Zih'aira."

"Us. My family, my life, Karti was almost killed and ---"

 I cut her off!

"WAIT! Hold the fuck up! You lost our child stressed out about this nigga!"

I yelled.

"Can you please calm the hell down Montana!"

"I cant beileve this shit Zih. You forgot about the well-being of our unborn child to be here for that nigga? I knew something was up."

"What? Something was up?"

"Yes. Something was up. I should've known all along. You still love this nigga?"

I asked.

She sat quiet which gave me my answer.

"Montana.. I love you. I really do but Im still in love with him. I fell out of love with you when you fucked my bestfriend. But out of fear of starting all over and holding on to memories I tried to make it work with you again. You hurt me. Yeah Karti did too but he didnt break my heart by sleeping with my bestfriend. He broke it by leaving his child and I to protect us. When I first met you, you took my mind off all that. You made me open up and when I did, I fell head fist. But that knife you cut me with made me come to reality. I apologize in anyway If Im now hurting you but Montana, I cant hide nor help the way I feel."

When she wiped the tear that was falling from her eye, so did I. I bit my lip trying not to bitch up. Was this really the end for us?

"I cant even stand here and be selfish. What I did was fucked up and I knew you didnt fully forgive me for it. I tried to make your trust with me increase but I know it wont ever be the same. I have no room to even be upset with you rightnow either. I had my chance and blew it. Simple."

I walked over to her and lightly kissed her lips.

"I love you too Zih'aira, that will never stop."

I told her before turning and leaving.

------------------------------------

Zih ,

30 minutes after Montana left my room, I still found myself crying. I hated being the bad person but I had to realize, this isnt my fault at all. Its his. He pushed my feelings for Karti to the surface.

The next morning, I got excorted to Karti's room. Karen or my dad havent arrived yet.

"How you feeling?"

he asked

"Better. How are you feeling?"

"Like a nigga that got more then a few holes in his body, but I'll be alright."

he chuckled.

"The doctors say's your making a quick recovery. You'll be out of here in no time."

"If 'no time' is another couple months, then ok."

He said.

"I know you miss doing your "thing" but just rest up. Im tired of being here myself but it's almost over."

"Easy for you to say."

We sat quiet for a moment and the silence was akward.

"Montana came to see me yesterday."

"Did you tell him."

He asked, refering to the miscarriage.

"Yeah, and a little bit more."

"A little bit more? What else happened?"

He asked, lifting his bed up a little more.

"After him bitching about the miscarriage he asked what was stressing me so much to the point where I lost the baby. I gave him a list a--"

"Did I happen to be on the list?"

He asked, cutting me off.

"As a matter of fact, you did. So he dismissed everything else and assumed that I lost the baby from stressing over you. More words were said and he asked was I still in love with you.."

I got quiet and Karti looked at me intensily awaiting my answer.

"Well ... are you?"

He asked smiling.

"Sad to say, but yes. Im still in love with you Kartier."

"Sad to say my ass. C'mere."

I wheeled myself a little closer to his bed. He took my hand in his and pulled me closer. Soon our lips met.

"Uhhm uhm!"

We broke apart and turned to see Karen and my dad.

"We see what you two are up too!"

Karen joked.

'Hey."

My dad spoke and hugged me, while placing a kiss on my cheek.

Soon Jesus and Maria showed up with Kartion. I was so happy to see my baby but I played the back so his daddy can enjoy spending time with him since I'll be going home soon. Watching those two made me realize that this is where my heart should be. Was I selfish for disowning this before? I smiled while watching my family ...