Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

seventy four

I didn't think he'd go through with it, but I also didn't really give him much of a choice.

Right now, we're standing at the door. Brendon's trying to muster up courage, I guess. I honestly didn't think him talking to his parents was that big of a deal, but then again, I didn't even hear what he said to them before we left.

His eyebrows fall low over his eyes and he exhales sharply and knocks on the door at the same time. It seems like he counted down the seconds in his head until he could finally do it.

Grace opens the door with a forced smile, of course, and Boyd is just behind her.

"It's nice to see you again, Brendon and Courtney. We weren't sure if we were even invited to the wedding." She laughs, but it doesn't feel all that funny. And I think she knows it just as much as everyone else does.

"Let's not skip so far ahead." I don't mean to say it in the tone that I do, but by the time it comes out, it's way too late. And that's when the nervousness hits me. This isn't just Brendon fixing an argument with his parents, this is us deciding what comes next. This is to hoping Brendon isn't confused anymore, because I don't think I could keep doing the cycle of destructiveness we've been playing with for the past two days.

"We made Fettuccine Alfredo, I hope that's alright with you guys."

"That sounds delicious, thank you." She smiles at me, while Brendon still stands grumpily. I very gently elbow him in the side to take his attention off of his annoyance.

"Why don't you two go take a seat, and we'll serve dinner." I nod and grab Brendon's hand.

"That would be fantastic." I pull his stubborn ass behind me and he sits down, holding his head in his hand. "Will you stop being so dramatic? God, you're acting like an absolute child. You and your family got into an argument. So what? Families argue all the god damn time, you aren't special. Stop acting like everyone is trying to single you out when we're just trying to help you."

Boyd sets the plates down in front of us and Brendon's frown lifts. He grabs my hand and places it in his lap.

"It smells amazing, thank you. And thank you for letting us back into your home. I know last time, was a bit.."

"Overwhelming?" I laugh. Or at least I try to.

"Yeah. That." Grace brings the next two plates out and sits down across from us.

"I know it was a very stressful day. But Boyd and I weren't sure about you. We hadn't even met you and Brendon told us you were getting married. It's just a lot to hear as a parent. Your son lives down in California and when you see him, he's engaged without a warning."

I wouldn't say he's ready. Hell, I don't even know if I'm ready anymore. Things got too crazy- way too fast.

"I'm really sorry about that. We aren't the best at communicating with other people. You guys are the first people we told, actually." They exchange a look between each other.

"Do your parents know?" I shake my head, trying not to look too taken aback. Brendons hand squeezes around mine.

"I told you that was off limits." Brendon finally speaks up, and of course his words are hostile.

"It's okay, B. No, my parents aren't going to be involved with the wedding." They look at each other and she scowls. She looks the most like Brendon when she does that.

"Do you mind me asking why?" Brendon shakes his head at his mother.

"Just a falling out, I guess." It's a lot more than that. But if she was skeptical of me before, she sure as hell isn't going to accept me after I unload my baggage of a family onto them.

"Well I'm sure they'd still be delighted to make it to your wedding. Even if there was a a falling out." I nod and start eating.

The conversation carries on around me somehow, but I'm still stuck at the beginning. Should I call my family? They don't have to be invited, but do they have the right to know that I even remember them?

For the past month, I've been telling myself that they deserve to feel like shit. They all hurt me and I wanted to hit them in that same place. But is it getting to the point where it's too selfish?

Is it wrong of me to want to cleanse myself of the toxicity that is my family? That family was supposed to be mine. But instead, it belonged to drugs and lies and I can't see anything other than that.

I look into Charlottes eyes and I see so much pain. For both of us. Because she ruined everything. She ruined everything.

I feel my fists clench around Brendon's hand as I zone off into a world of bitterness and hatred that I've lived in for years. Why the hell is it my job to move on? She fucked with my head and she ruined my future and she ruined my relationships and she ruined-

"Courtney." I exhale. And then inhale. I look at the clock above the table and it's already starting to get late. Was I in my head that much?

"Yeah?" I feel like I'm out of breath from just thinking about it. It always gets my blood pumping and my heart pounding.

"My hand." I pull my hand from his and set it in my lap.

"Sorry. I guess I just zoned out for a minute." They don't mind much, they just continue.

"So tell us about yourself, we know that you cane all the way from New York, and that's about it. What do you like to do in your free time?"

"Well, I really like to write. It's something that I think I'm really good at, which is why I had that job at Rich Creations." She smiles and nods along, and I can tell she's genuinely listening.

"Do you not work there anymore?" My lip twitches and I refrain my cringing into my seat.

"No, I don't. Things just got.." I look over at Brendon who is trying his best to suppress a smile. I wish he wouldn't though. I feel like I haven't seen him smile in what feels like forever.

"complicated." Grace laughs. It takes me aback and soon Boyd joins her. At first I think she's making fun of me, and then I realized what she realized.

"I see." Brendon and I sit silently and almost horrified. "Looks like Ky was right, wasn't she?" I leave it up to Brendon to answer that question. Of all the questions I didn't want to answer today, this has got to be close to number one.

I expect Brendon to shell himself up and continue to act like a child. But he grins.

"Yeah. Yeah she was." And out of nowhere, everyone is laughing except for me. They all look hysterical. What's so funny about it? We were trying to hide it from them, and it suddenly slips and everything is fine? Is that supposed to make sense to me like it apparently does to them?

"Why didn't you two just say so?" Brendon shrugs, but I know why. And I know he knows too.

"Because we thought you'd get angry with us. It's not exactly.. a conventional way to start a relationship."

"Of course it's not. But you two seem happy." He glances over at me. And I smile. At least I try to.

"We are."

We continue to talk, and honestly, Brendon was right at the beginning of this. They're some of the most accepting and sweet people. Neither of us really gave them a chance to get over the fact that this was all so new to them. But I guess they didn't give me a chance either.

We laugh and we get to know more about each other and their stories. And at the end, they stand up to escort us out.

"I'm glad we did this." She hugs Brendon tight and he only seems slightly uncomfortable. She the hugs me while Boyd hugs Brendon.

"I know he can be a bit stubborn, but he'll come around. I promise."