Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

thirty four

Dinner with my parents sounds like just about the worst thing I could do right now.

I stand outside their door, holding my head to try and relieve my headache. I shake my body a little and grip the doorknob, about to turn it and walk in until I realize that I can't anymore.

So I ring the doorbell. The door opens, and my dad hugs me, welcoming me into their home. He stops me from walking in any further.

"Hey, sweetheart. Before you walk in, I need to let you know that your brother and sister are here." My eyes avert to the ground. My siblings moved out a lot sooner than me, and when they came home to visit, my mom and dad would lie to them through their teeth. They thought everything was fine for so long; too long.

"Okay. Thanks. Can I just take a second?"

"Of course. We'll be in the kitchen." I nod and when he walks away, I'm not sure how I keep myself together. I set down my purse that has a bottle alcohol in it. I figured I'm gonna need it for tonight anyways.

"Where is she? I want to see her." On three.

One.

Two.

Three.

I turn the corner and clasp my hands in front of me. I'm not sure what to say. I don't know if there's anything I can say to make this better for myself.

"Hey." Claire lifts her head and nods at me, and Will just stares.

"Hey." I sit down and lock my gaze in on the white surface of the plate. Focusing on the small design that outlines the plate in gold.

"What's for dinner?"

"Can we maybe talk about the elephant in the room before we talk about dinner?" Her tone is sharp and demanding. At least that hasn't changed.

"Hm?"

"You're really going to try and avoid it?"

"No."

"Kinda seems like you are."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"God, you've got to be kidding me."

"Girls, stop. We didn't bring you here to fight. We brought you here so we can be reunited as a family again. Can we focus on that for now?" Claire and I both mumble our stubborn agreements and the room falls silent again.

It's now that I remember my moms presence across the table. I haven't looked at her since the last time I was here, and I don't really know if I plan to. I'm too afraid of breaking again. It's easier to pretend she isn't here at all.

"I'll go get dinner." Tension builds until it becomes tangible. I can feel Claire's confusion and anger filling the room.

"Will, do you have anything to say to your sister?" He shakes his head. Will and I used to be pretty close. Definitely closer than Claire and I ever were.

I think of what Blake said to me. You really hurt a lot of people here.

And looking at Will now, I can tell I did just that. Only god knows if I'm going to be able to truly fix things with people back here. Sure, I've connected with Lana. And I guess my dad for the most part, but what about everyone else?

Eli, Jade, Claire, Will, and even Alec.

They haven't forgiven me. I don't blame them. But I have to do more with the time I have left here. I'm not sure if this is a one and done thing, or if I plan to visit in months to come. But I need some sort of closure.