Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

thirteen

It's only been a few days since Brendon and I kissed, but I crave his touch a lot more than I thought I would. We've sent flirty texts every now and then, but right now it's just a game to see who will give in first.

Emery has pulled away from me a bit since the whole hickey thing. I invited her out to go shopping with me tonight. Of course, she agreed, acting like nothing had happened and I thank god for that.

After work, we get into my car and start driving to the mall.

"Have you seen Alec at all over the past few days?" I shake my head,"I mean god, he leaves you with a hickey that big on your neck and then doesn't text back? That seems like a big red flag to me."

"He's kind of a dick for the hickey, that's for sure." I smile at the thought of Brendon sucking on my neck. Emery hits my shoulder lightly,"why'd you do that?"

"You're grinning like an idiot! That's so cute! You're gonna fall in love and get married, have kids and-"

"It's just a little fling."

"Oh shut up, it is not. You're smiling ear to ear just thinking about him." If only she knew that it was the thought of Brendon and not the real Alec. The actual Alec makes me want to throw up and cry. But over the past few days, the name has been associated with Brendon.

"What about Connor?" I quickly change the subject, because I know if I don't, I'll spill. And as much as I didn't want to talk about guys tonight, I'm realizing that that's one of the only things we talk about.

"He's sweet, and he's kind and he's hot. What more do you want me to say?" I glance over at her, a secretive smile on her face. Of course, I'm not going to pry because if I know I hate it when others pry into my life,"you aren't going to ask me if we've kissed yet?" But Emery and I are completely different people.

"I didn't realize I was supposed to."

"Well?"

"Did you guys-"

"Yes! He finally kissed me and it was everything I've ever wanted." She slouches down in her seat with a dreamy look in her eyes as if she's been waiting forever to tell someone.

"That's awesome, E. How'd it happen?" I only ask because I know she'd kill me if I didn't.

"Well, it was just a spur of the moment thing. We were hanging out last night and I told him that I really like him. He said he likes me too! And then he leaned in and bam! Fireworks everywhere. Well, not really, but you get the idea." Her face is glowing as she talks about him.

"So you're dating?"

"I don't know, we didn't really talk about it. But I think so." A hopeful smile grows across her face and pity grows in my chest. The thought of things not turning out between her and Connor makes my heart wrench for her.

"I'm happy for you, I really am. But maybe you should establish your relationship?" She glares at me.

"You're hardly one to tell me when to establish a relationship." Her tone is bitter. It sounds like all the frustration she's ever felt coming out at me in one small sentence.

"Right." In that moment I realize I didn't know anything that had happened between her and Connor. Usually I know everything the moment it happens, but I'm an outsider in her life now and I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Maybe I should be happy. Happy that her stress isn't weighing down on top of my own. Happy that I can focus on myself instead of worrying about giving her advice and fixing her life. I guess it's better this way.

At least I wish that's how I felt. But instead, something crushes inside of me. She's the only friend I've had in years, but lately we've been more like acquaintances. I didn't know someone's life could change in the span of a couple weeks, but watching Emery now, it's like watching a new TV show, or reading a new book. It's all new. And I'm not completely sure what it is, but the thought of not knowing her like I thought I did makes me feel like shit.

My phone buzzes while it sits in the cup holder, and Emery is quick to grab it. A little panic attack runs through me. She's always been that nosy person and it's never bothered me. But now I don't know what could be on that screen.

"Who the hell is B?" I cringe in my seat. Think of something other than Brendon for a couple seconds.

"Oh it's Alec. His last name is.. Blake. Alec Blake." That's actually not too bad. It has a nice ring to it. I make a mental note to congratulate myself with a pan of brownies later.

"I thought you said you haven't talked?" I nod along with her statement.

"We haven't," That's a lie."What did he say?" My lips twitch a little bit as I try to act nonchalant about it, when I've been dying to see his name light up on my screen.

"'Come over.' I mean, that's so dumb and vague. He honestly seems like a dick." What she doesn't know, is that small sentence is tempting as hell. I would run a marathon to kiss him again. His lips felt like pillows on top of mine and his touch was electric all over my body.

"You're only saying that because he hasn't talked to me for a few days."

"Well, can you blame me? I don't want my best friend to be a booty call."

"Why do you get to be a booty call?" I pull into the mall parking lot and park my car. We get out and start to head straight for the food court, continuing the conversation.

"Because just like you've been the practical one, I've been the wild one. Looking at it now, though, it's like we kinda switched roles."

"What do you mean?" She takes a minute to find the right wording.

"It's like I'm trying to find my soulmate and you're going out doing god knows what." I crinkle my nose and crease my eyebrows together.

"I'm not out doing god knows what. I sit at home and watch Netflix with a bucket of ice cream in my lap. I'm sure god is fine with that." My phone dings again, sending a jolt through my veins.

Are you playing hard to get?

I smile down at my phone and text back.

Did you really think I'd give in that easy?

"So I'm gonna go grab Chinese food, I know you're going for the pretzels, so let's split and meet.." she looks around and points at a table towards the middle,"there." I nod and walk off to the pretzels. I stand in the longish line and wait for my order to be taken. I look down at my phone as it vibrates.

That's what I was hoping, sweetheart.

Before I get the chance to text back, I'm being yanked to the side and out of the line. His grip is tight on my wrist and his body towers over me.

"Where the hell have you been?"