Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

sixty four

Courtney's POV~

Brendon pushes me inside, and I can already tell this is a beautiful home. He takes me around the house, showing me where everything is. He even got something to help me go to the bathroom while I'm in this wheelchair.

"And this is the bedroom."

"There's only one?" He nods. I look around and notice both of our clothes in the closet and some scattered on the floor.

"Yeah. You can sleep in here, I'll take the couch." I bite my lip. I'm invading someone's home that also happens to be mine at the same time.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I wouldn't wanna make you feel uncomfortable." Before silence can completely fall, he begins again. "I put out all the clothes that would be easy to get into with your cast on. It doesn't hurt to lift your arms anymore, does it?" I shake my head. "Okay, any shirt is fine, but you usually wear sweatshirts or hoodies so that's what I laid out first."

He's so generous. He always thinks of others before himself. He's done all this for me but doesn't even acknowledge it like it was something really nice to do. He didn't have to that, and yet he's acting like it was an obligation.

"Thank you, Brendon. You didn't have to do all that for me."

"It wasn't hard." I feel guilty. I want to repay him for making me feel so welcome here, but I don't know him. I don't know what he likes or what he does for fun. What could I even do to show him that I'm thankful he's doing this?

"So you said we met at work. What was the job?"

"Editing for Rich Creations. It's a magazine." I remember it now. Allen Rich. He was one of the only people I could really trust when I came here.

"Allen. I remember him." His stare falls to the floor.

"That's great." His tone is almost sarcastic, but I decide to leave it alone. It probably hurts him to know I'm remembering people that aren't him.

His phone rings and he walks out of the room to answer it. I get small bits of the conversation; mostly "yeahs" and "okays."

Brendon comes back into the room and pushes me out into the living room. I want to ask him who he's on the phone with, but that isn't my place. Maybe it used to be, but not anymore.

"I'm sorry." He stands still, his back turned from me.

"For what?"

"For not being able to remember you." He looks at me blankly. But before he can say anything, the doorbell rings.

"I'll go get that." His words are quiet and rough, like it took too much strength to get them out. The door opens and I hear loud chatter approaching.

In an instant, the room fills with beaming people. I recognize one. Allen. But as for the rest, they're complete strangers. But by the way they're staring at me, I can tell I'm supposed to know who they are.

"Courtney, we're all so glad you're okay."

"We were so worried."

"Brendon told us you were finally out and we thought we'd stop by and see how you're doing?"

"Guys-" Brendon tries to cut in, but fails miserably. They're all happy to see me and glad to know that I'm alive, yet I don't even know their names.

"So how are you feeling?"

Smothered. I'm feeling smothered.

Brendon's kneels down in front of me, blocking everyone else behind him. His eyes dart between mine, a small crease where is eyebrows are drawn together.

"You okay?" I shake my head ever so slightly. "I'll talk to them and have them introduce themselves in a minute. Go take a breather." I nod, wheeling myself back into the bedroom. "Guys, I need to tell you something. I wanted to say it in person and not over the phone."

"What is it? What's wrong? Oh god, is she going to die?"

"No. It's just.. she lost her memory in the crash. She's slowly getting it back, but for the meantime she has no clue who any of you are. Except for you, Allen. Take it easy on her. She's already stressed out enough."

I honestly have no clue what I'd do if I didn't have Brendon to help me. He's confronted all the conflicts and reasoned with them until they understood. I could never do that.

"Oh. Oh god-"

"I know it sucks. It sucks.. so god damn bad. But we have to deal with it and let her heal. Who knows, maybe she'll get it back. Just don't treat her any different. It's still Courtney." I zone myself out of the conversation.

I can't listen to these people grieve me anymore. I'm still here but it feels like I'm dead to everyone out there. Yeah, they lost part of me, but so did I. It's hard to sympathize with people you don't recall ever seeing before.

If I had it my way, it never wouldn't have happened. I would be living happily with Brendon, talking to my friends and living the best life. I was already dealt a bad hand in life. I tried to turn it around and then the universe decided I was doing too good.

"Hey, babe- oh shit, I'm sorry." He cringes away, but I smile at how flustered he is.

"It's okay." He looks around and clears his throat.

"Um.. I talked to them and they're ready to see you if you're ready to see them?" I lift my shoulders.

"I have to see them."

"That's not what I asked." I look away and wheel past him.

"Let's go." I try my hardest not to look at them. It's already hard enough with Brendon painfully looking at me, but to add on three more people? I don't know that I could do that.

"Hey.. everyone." I almost tell them who I am but remember they already know. It's bizarre.

"I'm Emery." She has long, thick, red hair. Her grey eyes meet mine and she extends her hand.

"It's nice to see you. I guess you already know who I am, huh?" She nervously laughs.

"I guess I do." She moves aside, letting a blonde guy come forward. He has tears in his eyes.

"Hey.. I'm Connor." He doesn't shake my hand. Instead, he tucks his behind his back, rocking back and forth.

"Hey, Connor." He walks off when I'm in the middle of middle of my sentence, wandering down the hall. "Allen." I grin at him and he leans down to hug me. Finally. Someone familiar. "I'm so happy to see you."

"You've gotten yourself into quite the rut, haven't you?" I nod.

I close my eyes and a vision of Allen appears behind them. Brendon and I were standing side by side, anxious about something. I reach further back to try and remember more.

We were anxious that we'd get caught being together. And.. and Emery played that tape of us talking. She hated me and I hated her.

I sigh, relaxing myself. It's exhausting to grasp the deepest parts of my brain. Especially when everything is still so foggy. It's like I can't tell if I'm seeing a memory or a fantasy I've made up to reassure myself that I'm getting better.

"Are you alright? Looked like you were falling asleep on me for a second." Brendon's concerned eyes catch mine from across the room.

"I'm fine. Everything's fine."