Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

twenty two

It's been about a month of the same old thing: work, get hammered at home, sex with Brendon.

I still haven't talked to Emery except for the times when I have to at work. It kinda sucks not having anyone to talk to other than the guy who I can't develop feelings for, the guy whose heart got broken and doesn't even work with me anymore, or Allen. It's not like I can just talk to them about the same things I did with Emery.

On top of that, my family has tried to reach out multiple times, to no avail. I can't bring myself to talk to them. All I can manage is slamming the phone down and hanging up on them. But part of me is breaking down the stubborn wall I built inside myself. Maybe it's time to go back and figure things out with them.

But probably not.

Some coworkers came into our office today to tell us that they're throwing a party in honor of it being Brendon's second month here. I hope there's alcohol. And a lot of it, at that.

I'm dressed in a short green, velvety dress with sleeves and a low collar. Silver hoops, silver shoes and my purse. I walk outside, a chilled breeze blowing over me. I close my eyes and breathe it in, filling my lungs with fresh air. I think of the cliff I once laid on two months ago. When everything wasn't so complicated. I shake my head, leaving my thoughts and head to my car.

When I get to the house, I notice Brendon's car as well as Emery's along the street. I glance over at Emery's car and she's still sitting in it, gathering her things. I hurry out of mine, hoping to miss that interaction completely. But my luck has never been good.

She gets out of her car and now we're walking right next to each other. Great.

"Hey." I'm surprised that she's the first one to talk. She hasn't really spoken to me in weeks.

"Hey. What's up?" She glares at me and I realize I crossed the line between friend and enemy with only a few words,"Sorry." When we get inside, I immediately separate myself from her. I look around and everyone is laughing, drinks in hand. I scan the crowd, looking for a certain person. When I see him, the corner of my mouth pulls up. I walk over to him, happy to see a familiar face.

"Hey, Brendon." He beams when he sees me, his eyes sparkling. He leans in close to my ear, and I clearly smell alcohol on him.

"Hello, gorgeous." I push him back, earning a few stares. Mainly those from a girl with red hair.

"You're drunk already? Didn't the party start like 15 minutes ago?" He laughs.

"Yeah, it did and yeah, I am." He thrusts a cup into my hand, a little spilling over onto my hand. "But you're still the prettiest girl here." I pull him to the side by his jacket.

"Don't talk so loud." He stumbles forward.

"Why not? Why can't I let everyone know I'm having sexual intercourse with the hottest girl I've ever seen? What's so wrong with that?" He whispers like a little kid and I laugh, taking his cup from his hand.

"Sober up, or shut up." He sticks his bottom lip out in a pout,"well, what's it gonna be?" he crosses his arms, scoffing. "Fine." I throw his cup in the trash can as he huffs. I down the contents in my cup and fill it up again, hoping to get just as drunk as Brendon is. I begin to walk away.

"Wait, Courtney. Stay here with me." It's a tempting offer, but I know he'd say something stupid if I don't leave.

"Sorry." I shrug my shoulders, walking away. And as I do walk away, I see Emery shaking her head at me. I clench my jaw to keep myself from punching that arrogant look off her face. I see her talking to Nina and they look at me, laughing.

More alcohol.

I do about 10 or 12 shots of vodka, and become a slurring mess. I go for another one, but a semi-sobered Brendon puts his hand on top of it and pushes it down before it can reach my mouth.

"What're you doing?" My words slur and my eyes struggle to focus on him, everything a blurry mess of people.

"You're cut off for the night, Sunshine." I trip on my heel and fall into him. "You need to take those things off. Those are practically a hazard for people as drunk as you." I begin to giggle, grabbing his face and squishing it. I almost kiss him, but instead I laugh until my stomach hurts and I'm gasping for air.

"You should see your face! It looks like this." I grab my face, doing the same thing to mine as I did to Brendon's, breaking out into another fit of laughter. I wonder if he wants to kiss me when I do this.

He rolls his eyes and gets down on his knees, pulling my heels off for me. I sink down to my original height and suddenly, the room stops spinning. He carries my shoes in his hands and sits me down onto a chair, placing the shoes on my lap.

He leans down, becoming eye level with me. "I'm gonna go get you some water and food. I need you to stay here, can you do that for me?" It takes me a minute to register his words because I'm too busy staring at his perfect lips, but when I do, I vigorously nod my head.

"Anything for you, lover." He grins, shaking his head. God, he's so cute.

"You're really drunk, aren't you?" I nod again, and he laughs as he walks off. I try to swing my legs, but they're too long, so I swing my arms instead. Emery takes a seat next to me and I suddenly feel agitated.

"On a scale of 1-10 how drunk are you?" I'm not sure why she cares, but to be honest, I don't give a shit.

"Twelve hundred." She smiles.

"Perfect. So tell me, what do you think about Brendon?" My body jolts awake at the mention of him. My drunken eyes move across the room until I find him.

"He's so cute, isn't he? I mean, look at him." She nods, leaning forward onto her knees.

"I thought he was a dick to you?"

"Not really. He's usually nice to me. Really nice." I chuckle and she hums. I catch Brendon's eye across the room and he looks between me and Emery, each of his hands occupied by refreshments. I send him a flirtatious smile and he widens his eyes,"Like, so nice you wouldn't even believe how nice."

"What do you mean?" My brain screams at me to stay silent for some reason. Brendon moves faster towards me, careful not to spill anything.

"I have a secret to tell you," I lean in close,"I-"

"Hello ladies! How's your night going? Courtney, these are for you." He hands the food and water to me and I happily eat it,"Emery, how are you tonight?"

"I'm fine." It hits me that I wasn't supposed to tell Emery about Brendon and I -because she's being a bitch- and she was trying to use my drunken state for answers.

"You suck more than I thought you did." I stand up, setting my things down and she does the same. With only a sentence, we're back to where we started a month ago.

"Excuse me?" She scowls at me.

"You really do. You're such an insensitive bitch that doesn't give a shit about others." I can tell that she's fuming, her fists balled at her sides. People are staring now, but I hardly notice.

"Oh yeah? And what about you? You whore around with the entire city of L.A. and get drunk out of your mind to distract yourself from your feelings. You lie to everyone because you're a selfless bitch that breaks everything she touches." Something inside of me snaps, maybe it's because I know her words are true, but no matter the reason, I hit her square on the jaw. She falls backwards and I move forward to hit her again, but Brendon links his hands around my elbows, pulling me back.

"Fuck you, Emery!" I feel anger boiling my blood, closing in on my chest. I struggle against Brendon's grip as he leads me outside. He finally lets me go, and I begin to laugh.

I laugh at the irony of it all. I laugh at the fact that I punched my once best friend because of things she said that were true. But soon enough, laughs turn to helpless sobs. Brendon looks at me with uneasy eyes, watching me as I break down. He wraps his arms around me, his lips on my forehead and my head on his chest.

And only for a moment, I wish we could stay like this forever.