Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

sixty six

"Then don't."

He leans down and kisses me like he's been waiting to feel this moment for years. Like we've done it so many times before. But to me it's new; the way he caresses my cheek and how our bodies fit like a glove.

All at the same time, it's the most familiar thing we've done so far. It brings back so many feelings that I've never had for him before. Love, lust, and flat out euphoria.

His kiss grows hungrier and wilder. His hand rides against my thigh and up my shirt. I moan against his lips and he pulls back.

"We should-" I lock our lips again. "We should stop."

"You're probably right."

And I do think we should. I thought it would be best to stop anything before it started. But like we said minutes before: we can't stop ourselves.

No chance in hell.

At least that's what I thought. But he obviously has more willpower than I do, because he pulls away from me. Maybe he isn't as intoxicated by me as I am by the taste of him. Or maybe he doesn't want to take advantage of me, but it's not like I'm in a vulnerable position.

"Goodnight, Sunshine." He turns on his side.

And it's with those words that I realize it's not to spite me, but to make sure I don't regret anything.

I don't know if I'd regret it, but I'm glad he has the decency to make sure I don't.

"Goodnight, Brendon."

-

I open my eyes and roll over lazily. The covers beside me are pulled back to reveal an empty place where Brendon should be.

I look around and realize my wheelchair is missing from the room.

"Good morning, Sunshine." Brendon walks in with a plate of pancakes and a glass of orange juice.

"What is this?" He shrugs, handing me the plate with a reserved grin.

"Just some breakfast. Not a big deal." His smile reaches his eyes for the first time.

"Where's my wheelchair?" I shove a mouthful of pancake into my mouth.

"I took it out so you couldn't leave and ruin the surprise." I laugh, holding my mouth shut so I don't spit eggs everywhere.

"You were okay with just leaving a disabled girl on your bed? For a surprise?"

"You make it sound so much worse. And don't act like you've been up for hours. You didn't even notice until just now." He sits on the edge of the bed, picking food off my plate and I smack his hand away. "Hey, I made these! I should at least get to try them."

"Yeah?" He nods and I slide my finger through the syrup. I smear it on his nose, and he lifts his eyebrows, then does the same. I gasp and hit his chest.

"You started this all by yourself."

"No, you started it when you wouldn't let me eat in peace." He goes in to dip his finger in syrup again. "Hey! At least help me out of this bed so it's a real fight."

"Fine. But only because I play fair." I smile as he picks me up and sets me down in the chair. We look at each other briefly before I start pushing myself down the hall as fast as I can. He follows behind me and I spin around the island.

I grab the bag of pancake mix and scoop a handful, throwing it as hard as I can. I burst out in laughter as it hits his face, covering him completely in white.

"You're gonna pay for that." I squeal as he chases me, snatching the bag from my lap. He takes some and sprinkles it onto my face.

"Stop!" I can hardly speak between my laughs. As we fight over the bag, it slips and explodes all over our clothes, staining us with white powder.

"Look what you did." He gestures to the covered ground, flashing his perfect teeth in a grin.

"You are not blaming this on me, B." He looks at me with upturned lips and a hopeful sparkle in his eyes.

"What did you call me?" I look down, fearful that I just killed the mood, even though the look on his face says otherwise.

"Sorry, I don't know where that came from." He kneels down in the pile of powder and grins. His eyelashes are coated in white as is the rest of his face.

"No, don't be sorry. You used to call me that. Nobody called me that except for you and sometimes my mom." I smile. I like the nickname. It suits him.

"I'm getting better." He nods.

"You're getting better. A lot better." I almost lean in to kiss him again until the door opens.

"Hey, I just thought- what the hell happened in here?"

"Oh shit, Connor. I forgot you were coming. Courtney threw a tantrum again." I roll my eyes and ram my chair into him.

"Shut up, dumbass."

"What? You did."

"No, you did." He rolls me back and in the process, falls on his ass.

"Let's stop acting like children and get this mess cleaned up."

Connor had a rough time being around me at first. But he's been coming over the past few days and I think he's gotten used to the fact that I'm still me. Just not completely there. Not yet.

"So.. Brendon? Do you wanna maybe.." He gestures to me,"take care of getting her cleaned up? Or is that weird? I'll stop talking." Brendon and I exchange glances. I nod, letting him know that it's fine.

"We'll be back."

"I guess I'll work on this." He sighs, trying to seem annoyed but I hear him chuckle as we go into the bathroom.

"How do you want to do this?"

"Can you go get me some clothes to change into?" He nods and while he's gone, I take off my clothes, wiping myself off and covering up with a towel.

"So I got you more shorts." I chuckle. He looks me up and down. "Oh, c'mon. You did the fun stuff without me?"

"Of course I did."

"It's nothing I haven't seen before, Sunshine." He winks and sets the clothes in my lap. "I'm assuming you wanna get changed alone?"

"You assumed right." He raises his eyebrows and leans in.

"You sure? I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to have some company." I shove a towel in his arms, pushing him away from me.

"Get out, Urie." My cheeks hurt from trying not to smile. I shake the dust out of my hair and put on my clothes. I wipe my face off again to make sure it's all gone

When I'm done, I roll outside and hear Brendon and Connor talking.

"I think that situations trigger her memory more than waiting around does, so I think I have an idea."

"You think it'll bring everything back?"

"I don't know. But I have to try something. It's hard to act like nothing is wrong. She barely knows who I am and it's all I think about. So if it has a possibility of helping? Yeah, I'm gonna try it."

"What's the plan?" I push myself into the room and Brendon looks from Connor to me, back to Connor. He gives him a look that says "we'll talk later" and smiles.

"Hey, Courtney. Connor and I were just talking about going to this really cool restaurant with live music and everything. You wanna come?"

I don't know what he has planned, but he seems hopeful. And that in itself is enough to make me nod my head.

"I'm in."