Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

thirty nine

Brendon and I lay together on the couch, our fingers laced together as a movie plays.

We haven't really talked about what happened, but I was expecting him to be angry that I told Emery. After all, it's what got him suspended.

I called Allen today to ask him to go out to dinner with Brendon and I, because we obviously need to talk about a few things.

I flip around, Brendon's face close to mine. He wraps his arm around me, pulling me closer.

"I'm sorry, B. I thought telling Emery would allow her to finally let it go, but I was wrong." He searches my face for a minute and then kisses my forehead.

"It's okay. It's not your fault. She chose to do what she did because she's hurt. You couldn't have controlled that." I pull back.

"You think she did it because she's hurt? I think it was just her being a bitch." He gives me the 'c'mon' look, his head tilted and lips pursed.

"That's not true and you know it." I chew on the inside of my cheek. "Maybe you should forgive her." I scoff.

"Yeah, right." He rolls his eyes.

"I'm being serious."

"I can't forgive her." I say it like it's a fact instead of an opinion, defending myself.

"Why not?"

"Because she's treated me horribly. And not to mention, she's actively trying to ruin my life."

"Haven't you treated her the same way minus the whole 'ruining life' part?" I stay silent because he's completely right. I've become so offended by the idea that she could even look at me wrong that I forgot how awful I've treated her. "Maybe you can't forgive her cause you can't forgive yourself."

"When did you become so perceptive?" He chuckles, his chest vibrating underneath me. He brushes a piece of hair away with his fingertips, sending tingles down my neck.

"I'm not sure." He kisses me and moves from my cheek, to my jaw, and then my neck. I lift his head with my finger.

"You remembered that we have dinner with Allen tonight, right?" He slowly pushes himself up, groaning.

"I'm aware."

"Don't be an ass. He probably just needed a minute to process. Allen has always been there for me no matter what. I promise it's okay. Go get ready." He swings his leg around me and pulls me up with him, guiding me into the bathroom.

"I need to shower." I laugh, poking a finger into his chest.

"Yeah, you need to shower." He leans in, smelling my hair.

"Thinking about it, I think you do too. You're gonna stink up the place. And we can conserve water by showering together." I violently roll my eyes. "Do you want to save the earth or not?" His sparkling grin is enough to make me pull my shirt over my head.

"Fine. But only for the earth."

"Obviously."

-

I clip my bra on, my wet hair dripping down my back.

"Shower sex is hard."

"But we made it work, didn't we?" He laughs, his dimples showing. God, I'm a lucky girl.

"We sure did. But we're gonna be late if we don't hurry." I put on a red dress with black boots, letting my hair curl itself.

I sit on the couch, waiting for Brendon to come out. My knee bounces up and down and I watch the clock.

"B!" He briskly walks out of the room, looking amazing as always. "Jesus, you take forever to get ready."

"It takes time to look this good." He extends his arms out, twirling on his heel. "Eh?"

"You look good." I kiss the tip of his nose. "C'mon, lets go. I'm sure he's not in the mood for us to be late." I reach out my hand and he grabs it.

We get in the car and Brendon turns on the radio.

"I love this song." He begins humming, and then starts to sing. I turn my body to get a better look at him. He looks peaceful. And his voice is angelic and soothing. The best voice I've ever heard. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Brendon, that's amazing. You told me you could sing, but not like that."

"I'm alright."

"No, you aren't just "alright." It's so beautiful." A blush creeps upon his face. "Sing again." I turn the volume up a little bit and close my eyes, letting Brendon's voice carry me.

It takes him a minute to finally be comfortable, but once he is, he's belting out the words like I'm not even there. But I'm so glad I am.

He parks outside the restaurant and I unbuckle myself, grab the sides of his face, and kiss him.

"You're incredible. Now let's go, Allen's car is here so he's probably inside." I pull away and get out of the car. I almost go to grab Brendon's hand, but realize it's probably not the best idea right now.

I see Allen sitting alone at a table and nod to Brendon.

"Hey, Allen." He smiles up at me and Brendon, a cramped gleam in his eyes.

"Courtney, Brendon. C'mon, take a seat." We do as he says and I play with the hem of my dress.

"So, you probably know why I asked you to dinner." Brendon and I look at each other for a moment. "We just wanted to let you know that we're sorry. The reason I quit is because I didn't want to create a mess at work, but obviously it didn't turn out like that." Brendon positions his hand on my thigh.

"Are you happy?" I furrow my brow. I wasn't expecting that response. Brendon squeezes my knee and I smile.

The past week, I feel like I've finally been free. Brendon makes me feel like everything is going to be okay. Like my past doesn't define who I am, although I beg to differ.

He makes me feel like I'm finally cared for.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

"Then I think this conversation can be over. I hope you guys know that I don't think any less of you two. I think it just came as a shock at first, but now that I've had a couple days to think about it, all I want is for you to do what makes you happy. I know you've been through a lot." I nod.

"Thank you for understanding." He grins.

"I trust you to not do anything stupid." It's a little too late for that, but I appreciate his intentions.

We talk the rest of the night and it's almost like nothing has changed. Aside from the fact that Brendon and Allen can talk more like friends and less like coworkers.

It's in this moment -as I watch Brendon and Allen laugh together- that I'm glad I have people like Allen in my life.