Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

four

With the day finally done, relief washes through my body. I finish up half of the project I'm working on, ready to leave and drop dead onto my mattress. Connor swings into my office by the side of the doorframe and knocks. Emery just walks in and sits on my desk like usual.

"Hey, you wanna come with us to get some dinner? We were thinking Denny's or something, like we used to." I think about it, but the reality of how tired I really am washes over me and I shake my head.

"No, sorry guys. I'm just a little too tired tonight. Go have fun though." They look at me skeptically, seeing as I've never passed up an opportunity to go to Denny's. Or to eat in general.

"Well, okay. See you tomorrow, I guess."

"Yeah." Connor waves at me and leaves with Emery by his side. They start laughing and teasing each other, and I get a little fear that I'll be missing out. But that feeling is soon replaced by overwhelming exhaustion.

Maybe it's the fact that I saw Alec today. Just the thought of him takes an emotional toll, but actually seeing him? Now that's something I haven't done in a while. Nor something I want to do again anytime soon.

I walk to the back to check in with Brendon before I go. I push the door to his office open a little and he turns around in his chair, still just as gorgeous as when I saw him: hair perfect, eyes bright, a smile on his lips.

"Hey, I was just wondering if you needed anything before I left." He looks around the room, and shakes his head, shrugging.

"Not that I can think of. Go home and get some rest." I smile and begin to walk away. I wanted him to say something like,'and Courtney? You're pretty cool, let's make out sometime.' but surprisingly, he doesn't. I guess that only really happens in movies.

I scan my ID, logging in my time and walk out to my car. The California wind blows through my hair and I breathe it in. I get in my car and roll down the windows as I speed up my street. It's drives like these that make me think about things. I think of my past, mostly. I think of my past as if I'm still the same person. But I'm not. Not anymore. At least I thought I wasn't. The old Courtney was the one who hid from her mistakes. I should've stood up to Alec. But instead, I ran away. Just like I always do.

I pull up to my apartment and sit in the car for a little while longer before finally getting out. I twist the rusty knob open to the cheap apartment I'm currently renting and the door slams behind me.

I tiredly trudge up the stairs, the smell of marijuana and affairs infiltrate my lungs. I get up to my floor and when I open door 3B, I'm immediately surrounded by loneliness. I don't know what else I expected, it's not like there's someone usually here to greet me when I get home late.

I shut and lock the door behind me. Immediately, I walk into my bedroom and crash onto the bed. I realize I should probably change my clothes, but when I close my eyes I know there's absolutely no way I'm getting up again.

Thankfully, sleep takes over and I'm surrounded by darkness.

~

I wake up to my alarm clock loudly booming in my ears. I blindly fling my arm around for the button, hitting it off the dresser instead.

"God dammit." The light from the window burns my eyes. I reach down and grab the clock, smacking the button angrily,"stupid ass clock." My voice is raspy and groggy, almost unrecognizable.

I sit up and rub my aching eyes, a yawn escaping as I pull the covers from my body. I look down and realize I'm in the same clothes from yesterday, so I stand up and pull my clothes off, throwing them on the floor. I walk to the dresser and put on a light pink dress that goes down in a v-neck.

I brush through my hair and spray it with water, my hair naturally curling. I then brush my teeth and grab my keys. I take one more look in the mirror and realize my makeup from yesterday is still on too. I shrug my shoulders.

"Good enough." I grab my purse and my phone and walk out the door. I lock it before rushing down the stairs, my feet pounding on the wood floorboards.

When I get to work, I realize I'm finally the first one on our floor.

That's never happened before.

I sense something different as I walk into the office. It seems so quiet, causing me to carefully walk around. I notice that it looks a lot cleaner than it normally does. The stack of paperwork that was on top of the file cabinet is now neatly organized.

My brows furrow I confusion and I slowly walk to Brendon's office. I lightly knock on the door and it immediately opens to Brendon's grinning face.

"Good morning!" His chipper attitude cuts right through my tired, pessimistic one.

"Uh.. hey. How long have you been here?" He looks at the clock on the computer that's filled with over twenty tabs.

"For a couple hours. I got here at 5." I start laughing.

"Are you serious? I can barely get up at 9, let alone 5 in the morning." And how do you still look so good?

"I don't know. Hair gel?" My eyebrows crease together.

"What?"

"You asked me how I still look so good. My answer is hair gel." I scrunch my face together in embarrassment and cover my face with my hands, shaking my head.

"I said that out loud?" I almost refuse to remove my hands and see his face. Almost.

"You sure did." But then I hear the tone of his voice and my hands drop down to see a smirk once again plastered on his lips. But this time, it's different. It has a new meaning. I smile back at him, and silence fills the room as we stare at each other.

"Sorry we're late, but keep in mind that Courtney is usually the one that's-" Connor and Emery come crashing into the door, and their eyes fall onto me,"Oh.. hey, Courtney!"

"Trying to throw me under the bus?" I glare at Emery. Partly for her comment, mostly for her interruption.

"Oh, I was just joking. C'mon, let's go." She grabs my hand and begins to lead me out. I look back behind me at Brendon, who is still looking at me as well. Something he's been doing a lot in the span of a day.

I shyly smile to myself as I'm dragged along.

I look between Connor and Emery, and notice their "secret" glances. Immediately, it clicks in my head. They were out late last night, came late at the same time, and by the way they're looking at each other, it isn't a coincidence.

I pull Emery into my office and shut the door behind her. Her doe eyes widen at the abruptness of my actions. But I just cross my arms and pop out my hip.

"Spill." She pretends to look oblivious at first, but she quickly cracks under my gaze.

"We had a moment last night. Connor and I did. And it was.. god, I don't even know what it was."

"Was it bad?" Her head rolls back.

"That's the thing. It wasn't awful. But nothing can happen and we talked about it. We work together. Don't you think it would be a bit unprofessional?" I shrug my shoulders.

"You guys are friends. And I don't think anybody here cares that much. I know I don't care if you two date. It's kinda cute." I smile at her and she disappointedly shakes her head.

"I guess I'm just not that kind of person."

I nod my head in agreement. I guess at the time, I didn't think I was that kind of person either.

But things change.