Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

nine

Emery and I go out to dinner and I can tell that she's itching to tell me something as she fidgets with her hands and repeatedly runs a hand through her hair. I wait until we sit down and get our food to say anything.

"So why did you really bring me out to dinner?" She tries to look clueless, but we both know why. It's Connor. It seems like it's always been Connor for the past couple weeks.

"No reason other than I wanted to eat dinner with my best friend. There's not a law against that, is there?" I know she's obviously lying, so I shrug my shoulders.

"Okay. If you say so." She slowly nods, and I take a bite out of my burger.

"Actually, I do need to tell you something."

"I thought so." She gives me an annoyed look and prepares herself to tell me a story. She sits up and adjusts in her seat.

"So, you know how I was just going to ignore the whole Connor thing?" I nod."Well today, he approached me and asked me what the texts were about."

"And?" Some food falls out of my mouth as I talk and she gives me a disgusted look.

"Okay, first off, gross. Secondly, I told him what you said to tell him. That I was just drunk and it didn't mean anything, and I don't know.. he looked a little disappointed. Is it bad that I wanted him to be disappointed?" I swallow my food before speaking again, wiping my face off with the side of my hand. I notice a hint of a smile on her face.

"No, not really. And I hate to burst your bubble, but-"

"Just let me have this one, please?" I stare at her as she picks at her food.

"You really like him, huh?" Her shoulders sag and her whole demeanor changes. I've never seen someone change the mood of a conversation so quickly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do." I bite the inside of my cheek at the sad sight of her. I've never been one for comforting people. Whenever I try, it feels like I'm trying to put a bonfire out with gasoline. But I have to say something.

"Maybe just tell him how you feel, I mean, if you really like him that much, isn't it better to know?" My thoughts drift back to earlier today. Brendon told me how he felt and it left me feeling every shade of confused,"or don't. Do what you think is best for the both of you and it'll be fine."

"Right. Yeah. You're right." She straightens up and begins to eat,"So what was Mr. Urie doing in your office?" I choke on the piece of food that's in my mouth. I drink my soda to wash it down and start to uncontrollably cough.

"Sorry, what?" A wrinkle appears in the middle for her forehead as she skeptically looks at me.

"I just asked what Mr. Urie was doing in your office. He seemed a little flustered when I walked in. You both did." I try to play it cool, but I think of his hands on me and his lips next to my ear.

Let me show you.

"Oh, nothing really. I just let him know that I finished paperwork with Nina today." I hope she doesn't ask why he was in my office for that, but she doesn't.

"You helped Nina today? You? Courtney Covington?" She looks at me incredulously, pointing an accusing finger in my face. I smack her hand out of the air and she dramatically winces. 

"Yes, now shut it. We would've all been stuck in the office if I hadn't helped. And then we all would've had to help her, so think of it as me helping everyone." A small smile pulls at the ends of her lips.

"Okay. Whatever you say." I kick her leg from underneath the table and she starts to laugh, and I shortly join in.

Having Emery tell me everything about Connor makes me want to tell someone about Brendon. It kills me to have all these feelings bottled up and not be able to say anything.

Emery would kill me, though. Because all jokes aside, he is our boss. And she obviously respects that more than I do, given the fact that I almost stuck my tongue down his throat just earlier today. I don't want Emery, or anyone, to see me differently. But part of me doesn't care. The more rational part keeps trying to say that it's a bad idea to get involved.

"You okay?" I shake my head a little bit and blink my eyes a few times to bring myself back from the Brendon-induced daze I fell into.

"Oh. Yeah, I'm fine." She puts the food back down on her plate and stares me down,"Emery, I'm fine."

"You've been different the past few days. You're zoning out in the middle of conversations, and you just seem a little more reserved than normal." I look away from her harsh glare and look down at my food.

"Have I?" She looks at me with that all too familiar look of pity.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" I quickly nod my head. I don't want her to think that she's doing something wrong, and I'm sure that's exactly how she feels.

"You're my best friend, of course I know that. And I'm honestly fine, I don't know what you're so worried about." I can see her slowly giving up, finally done pressing.

"Promise?" How can you lie so easily to someone you love and admire?

"Promise." I guess it's just as easy as one word.