Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

thirty one

"I'm sorry. They might need a little more time, but they'll come around." I sit with my head in my hand, pouting like a child. "I promise."

"Yeah, I hope so." This is the reaction that I expected from Lana. But instead, she welcomed me into her home and back into her life. She set a high bar. "I'm not sure if I can go see my parents tomorrow, Lana."

"What do you mean?" I keep trying to hold in tears. They aren't tears of sadness, but tears of pent up anger and frustration.

"I'm exhausted. How am I going to deal with seeing the people that made me leave in the first place?" She places her hand on my own.

"They've changed. So much. I don't know the whole story, and you don't have to say a word if you don't want to. But they're better people now." A tear falls from my eye. "You need to stop worrying so much, babe. If they haven't changed as much as I thought, you come right back here and Blake and I will make you some dessert." I harshly wipe my face as my phone buzzes. I take it out of my pocket only to see Brendon's name on the screen.

"Brendon, huh? Answer it." I shake my head.

"I can't."

"Oh, c'mon. Don't be a bitch." She grabs the phone from my hand and answers the phone, holding it up to her ear. "Hello?"

"No, this isn't her. It's her friend Lana... you want to talk to her?" I glare at her and shake my head, mouthing the words 'I will kill you.' "I don't think she wants to talk to you."

"How do I know? Because she's shaking her head at me."

"Give me the god damn phone." She hands it over and I shove her away from me.

"Brendon?"

"Where are you? I went over to your apartment, but you haven't been there for a few days. I need to talk to you."

"I'm not in California." Lana watches me intently.

"What? Where are you? It doesn't matter, please come back here. I need to talk to-"

"I won't be back for a week. I have things to do, so please just leave me alone. Whatever you have to say can wait until I'm home."

"No, it really-" I hang the phone up and completely shut him down.

"He sounded a little worried about you."

"Whatever. He'll get over it." Her eyebrows raise.

"No need to be so hostile. He is your boss, after all. Hey, what does he look like anyways?" I try to picture what he looks like right now. Probably dressed up for work, his hair slicked back and his big brown eyes gleaming.

I miss him.

"He's pretty cute." That's an understatement.

"Do you have a picture?" I nod, a hint of a smile on my face. I left my phone in Brendon's car and he took a shit load of photos. I think I kept all of them.

I hold my phone out to her and she starts swiping.

"Good lord. If you think that is only "pretty cute" then you are a little blind, my friend." I chuckle. "You're really screwing him? Hey Blake, get in here!" Blake strolls in and leans on the counter as Lana shows her the phone.

"Oh, who's that?"

"Hopefully our third." Lana winks and I groan as they kiss.

"But seriously, who is that?"

"It's actually Courtney's boy toy who also happens to be her boss." She quirks an eyebrow.

"He's not my boy toy."

"So you're telling me that you haven't had sex with him?"

"I didn't say that."

"I didn't really peg you for that kind of person." Blake says it in a way that makes me feel bad about myself. Like I'm a whore in every sense of the word.

"Me neither. But things happen, I guess." The room falls silent.

"Are you really gonna avoid him? He sounded like he really needed to say something to you."

"I told him that we can talk about it back in California, and that's exactly what we're gonna do. I have too much to think about here, he has to stay off my plate for now."

"Whatever you say. But I still think you need to go see your parents tomorrow. Get it over with. Trust me, you'll be thanking yourself." I sigh, laying my head down on the cool countertop.

"Fine. Okay."

The rest of my day is spent lounging on the couch while texts from Brendon shake the table like an earthquake. Eventually, I just shut my phone down completely.

Why can't he understand that I don't want to talk to him right now? It's not like I didn't make it clear. I actually don't think I could've been more clear with my message.

I'm so conflicted over my feelings for him. One minute I'll want him to leave me alone for the rest of my life, and the next I'll want to talk to him for hours on end.

It's got me thinking about the fact that I'm actually here because of our fight. Would I have come if Brendon had felt the same way? Or would I be laying in bed with him, telling him about my day while he twirls my hair on his finger?

When I finally go back, am I going to tell him about what happened here before I left the first time? I haven't even told Lana the whole story, how the hell am I supposed to tell Brendon?

"What are you thinking about?" Lana loops down into the couch next to my head.

"Do you believe in fate?" She touches her fingertips to her chin while she thinks.

"Yeah. I think I do. Everything happens for a reason, and no matter what, I think you're gonna do the things that lead you to what you're supposed to be doing. Why do you ask?" I shrug, my eyes closed in thought.

"No reason."

I'm not sure if there's some higher power out there that can hear me, but I pray that this is where I'm supposed to be.