Out of my Mind // A Brendon Urie Fanfiction

thirty six

It feels good to be home.

My plane landed and the first thing I did after leaving the airport was get an Uber ride to my car. It pours outside and the moon shines against the rain, reminding me that it's too early in the morning.

I'm surprised that I remember the address of where my car is parked, but I thank god when I see it there still intact.

I throw the suitcase in the trunk and get in my car, running my hands through my wet hair. My plan was to go see Brendon, but I don't even know if he's awake. Does it matter at this point? I don't really have anything else to lose. And I need to see him.

As I drive, my confidence level plummets. What am I going to say when I get there? Why am I going in the first place? To tell him that I want to be with him? And what if he doesn't feel the same way? He didn't the last time we talked.

How can we make it work? I think I'd quit my job for him. If it meant I could be with him, then I would. But if he says no, then that's something I won't have to worry about. Or maybe I'll quit just out of complete embarrassment. I guess we'll find out.

I anxiously tap the steering wheel, chewing on the inside of my cheek to calm my nerves. As I think, my mind subconsciously takes me to his place and soon enough, I'm parked in his driveway.

I take one more deep breath before unbuckling myself. My feet splash in the water as I walk up to his doorstep. My stomach twists and my pulse races.

I ring the doorbell and wait. I clench my fists and bounce up and down on the balls of my feet. When he doesn't answer, I ring the doorbell again.

This time, the door flies opens to a groggy Brendon who runs a hand down his face. He squints to look at me, and when he finally registers who I am, he backs up a little.

"Courtney?" A breath of relief escapes me and a smile plasters itself on my face. He looks perfect. Somehow more perfect than before. Seeing him makes me realize how much I needed to do this.

"Brendon." I want our lips to meet. I want his body on mine and his touch on my wet skin. But I need the words to come out of my mouth first or else all of that means nothing.

"What are you doing here? Come inside, it's pouring out there." His voice is slow and husky as he makes a tempting offer. But I shake my head, blinking the rain away from my eyes.

"I need to tell you something first. And if you say no, then I'll leave." He doesn't say anything, so I nervously proceed.

Memories of how much I've been hurt since Brendon came into my life begin rushing in. How the things he's said or done have taken a toll on my emotional state.

But all those moments are violently overcome by small moments when we lay together on the bed, watching a movie. Or when we talk over dinner and relentlessly tease each other. The moments when he holds me and we have deep conversations about everything and anything.

"You're.. an asshole. And you're an extremely stubborn dick and sometimes I wish that you would leave me alone." He raises an eyebrow, shaking his head.

"If this is-"

"But I am so damn crazy about you. I think about you every day and I missed you more than I thought I would when I left. I don't want to drown myself in an ocean full of regrets. I just want to enjoy life and really live. And I want to do it with you. If you let me, I think I could fall in love with you; in fact, I know I could. I want more than just a casual relationship, Brendon. And if you don't feel the same way, then.. then it's fine. But I know I would hate myself if I didn't tell you how I feel."

For a minute, he just gapes at me. The rain pounds on the pavement and I focus in on his eyes that dart back and forth over my face.

"Say something." I whisper as my heartbeat quicken, blood flushing my cheeks. I search his eyes for an answer, but before I can find it, he strides to me, cupping my face and brushing our lips together. He stays long enough for our breaths to become one, the taste of his lips like a breath of fresh air.

His hand finds the small of my back and he pulls me in closer. He kisses me in a way he never has before; kind and passionate. I don't think I could pull away from him even if lightning struck between us. His body is warm on mine and every nerve in my body feels alive with energy.

He pulls away, his forehead against mine and our breaths swirling together. The rain heavily falls on top of us, the water droplets falling from his long eyelashes and onto his cheeks. He moves the hair that sticks to my face and smiles, his eyes bright.

"I was hoping you'd say something like that."