Secrets

Ego?

Laura and Sarah waited for either of their mobile phones to ring, in the hope to receive the news from Lily and Taylor, or from Rachel herself. Even though they sat next to each other, hands held together, Laura could feel that Sarah was not mentally present in the moment with the raven-haired. Laura gave Sarah her space and time as she tried to slowly withdraw her hand away from Sarah's clasp and leaving her best friend behind, she excused herself as she went to the washroom. As Sarah was hit by the absence of Laura's touch, Sarah shook her head and focused her attention on the now, instead of dwelling herself into the past. As her head lifted, she saw her friend take cautious steps towards the washroom. Even though Laura's back was much better than the three weeks ago when mere movements would draw out groans of pain, Laura was very cautious about her back, not wanting to experience that horrible pain ever again. 

Sarah had been cautious with her friend as well but it still pained her heart to see Laura just take a back gear in her life, slow her movements and plans because of Sarah. The raven-haired had insisted Sarah to forgive herself for Laura never blamed Sarah for her injury but whenever she saw Laura in pain, Sarah would go back to becoming square one. When Laura came out of the washroom, Sarah's eyes followed her best friend's steps as Laura faced outside the window, trying to slowly stretch her back. Sarah was immediately on her feet, not wanting to take any chances when it came to Laura's health. However, she also didn't want to be the person who put restrictions on her friend for every single thing. As Laura was able to strengthen her back, ever so gently, without crying out with pain, Sarah's eyes were filled with tears. The brunette was proud of Laura, the pain she had suffered and the patience she had showed towards getting better. 

When the brunette sensed that Laura was about to turn around, Sarah immediately blinked back her tears and sat back on the bed like before. Sitting next to her best friend, Laura looked into Sarah's eyes, not yet touching her or holding her. "Are you doing okay?" Laura's voice was soft and filled with empathy. Sarah didn't reply but she slid her hand into Laura's and intertwined their fingers. Sarah leaned forward and rested her forehead against Laura's collar bone, gently. 

"I hate myself." Those three words stunned Laura to silence as her brows automatically came together in confusion and her heart wrenched with pain. Laura lifted her left hand and sliding gently but firmly over Sarah's cheek, she pulled Sarah away from her body to look into her eyes. 

"What is it?" As Sarah stared into Laura's green eyes, she could see the worry and pain swimming in her eyes. Laura had the same look on her face right then that she had when she had seen Sarah on the bathroom floor with a freaking knife in her hand. And the brunette closed her eyes, knowing that that memory would never leave Laura's mind, it had been ingrained in her brain, forever. 

Sarah tried to wiggle out of Laura's hold, but Laura cupped Sarah's face, holding her face steady. Letting out a long sigh, Sarah spoke up, "I cannot believe that I date Cate." And Sarah's heart twisted in pain as Laura's hands slipped away from her face. "The person who raped my sister." After reading Laura's journal, Sarah did have a little hint at what made Laura to withdraw her hands away from Sarah's face, or avert her eyes away from Sarah's. "I am a horrible person, Laura. You should have let me kill myself!" And once she realized the words that left her mouth, Sarah knew that it was too late.